


The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy

by herdthinner



Series: Tales of the Pauper Princess [2]
Category: Girl Genius
Genre: Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character(s), Original Character-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-21 17:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1558502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herdthinner/pseuds/herdthinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):<br/>--Agatha and her Amazing Friends visited a gaslamp amusements kingdom known for having no Spark technology, and had Teatime with the Pauper Princess<br/>--The Pauper Princess was forced to confront and accept the fact that she's a Spark<br/>--Hilarity(?) ensued</p>
<p>tl;dr:<br/>--My characters met the Foglios' characters.<br/>--Hilarity ensued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on my Livejournal in Oct 2012. Written way before the crazy twists that have happened since then: time jumps, Klaus in Gil's head, etc etc. I have no choice here but to pretend that none of those things happened! **Totally AU** , in other words.
> 
> I lament that this site does not allow font tags, such as for size or style, because on other venues, I have the Jägers' speech in the font called "OldAbottStyle," and the Castle in, appropriately enough, "Steamer" font.
> 
> This volume has quite a few more chapters than the first one. My apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\---------------------------

"You're not going to reconsider, are you?" asked Violetta.

"We've had this discussion before," said Agatha, or rather, her voice was heard from underneath the one-person flying machine she was working on at the time. Violetta acted as her operating nurse, handing her tools when requested. "Your hunches don't _always_ pan out. I'm not getting what your problem is. Nine-millimeter socket."

"I don't like mysteries," said Violetta, rummaging for the right piece. It would help if her Lady kept her tools organized. "People with voids where a past should be." She finally found the socket and handed it to Agatha.

"Thanks," she said. "I know _what_ your reservations are. They're just not bothering me like they are you. Your objections are noted. Just keep an extra eye on things, then."

"That makes my job _so_ much easier," said Violetta.

Agatha scooted out from under the flying machine, her face and hair spotted with grease and oil. She removed her glasses and absentmindedly started wiping at them with a dirty part of her shirt. Violetta saw this but said nothing. When Agatha put her glasses back on, both lenses were an opaque white from smudged-up grime. She sighed in frustration, until Violetta produced a soft wipe and small bottle of glass-cleaning spray.

"I don't want to have to lead you around by the hand for the rest of the day," she said. Agatha smiled and gave a friendly slap on the arm. A brown blotch was left behind. Violetta stared at the stain, then slowly gave her lady a Look. Agatha cringed and started trying to wipe it away. This, of course, only made it worse.

"I can fix it?" she said.

"Don't bother," said Violetta. "I have stain remover. So... your penpal will be here, for what? A week?"

"Something like that," said Agatha. "Five days, maybe?"

"I'll see if I can get a hold of a waspeater, then."

"Oh, come on."

Violetta glared. "You said keep an _extra_ eye on them," she said. "Besides, checking for wasps should be standard procedure around here."

"Make it so, then," said Agatha. "You know, it's not like we know the life story of everyone we've met. Aren't _you_ calling the kettle black, after all?"

"Huh?"

"For example, you had the mysterious past of a smoke knight."

"Yes, and then I became... a smoke knight," said Violetta. "You'll be hosting a disturbingly perky Princess with unexplained combat abilities and a past that's completely stonewalled by all accounts. All my research attempts just got that whole - no doubt whitewashed - 'pauper princess' love story claptrap that they keep selling."

"Point taken," said Agatha, examining her now-clean glasses before putting them on. "I thought you liked her, though?"

Violetta shrugged. "I liked her kid," she said. "The rest of her bothers me, especially the more I thought about it."

"I'll have to trust you and the Castle to keep me safe, then," said Agatha.

**************************

Prince Kelvin Mouseheart, his wife Princess Mara, their three children, Isabel, Edward, and baby Silas, and last but not least, their nanny, Daphne, finally arrived in the city of Mechanicsburg, ancestral home of the Heterodynes and their landmark, Castle Heterodyne. It had been two years since the Lady Agatha Heterodyne and her entourage had won a holiday to the peaceful kingdom of Guildern, nee Mouseheart, a kingdom devoted to tech-free entertainment and education. It was considered to be a quaint little place by many of its tourists, which didn't bother the Marketing department at all. For a time that used to be its motto. _Guildern: A Quaint Little Place._

Following Agatha's brief visit to Guildern, she had "sparked" the beginning of a friendship with the Princess, kept going by semi-regular correspondences. Agatha had originally extended an open invitation to visit Mechanicsburg, and eventually the Castle itself. The Mousehearts were arriving now to take advantage of the invitation.

The family tried to travel as light as possible, which was rare for a royal family, but this befitted a kingdom where everything was handmade and (Spark) tech-free. Or it had been until the last year or so.

One day, locals and guests noticed that the streets were being gradually blocked off by ropes along the walkways, and constables prevented people from entering the streets. There were grumblings from some, but people complied. Most assumed that the royal family, or somebody of equal or near importance, demanded privacy in order to travel.

What happened instead is that, after the streets were cleared, a public address system - that should not have existed in town - announced the first ever "Electrical Clank Parade," and at that moment, music blared, and with no warning, inanimate objects from up and down the street came to "life," shifting from whatever they had been - lamps, carts, benches, post boxes, kiosks, etc. - into marching, dancing and singing clanks. They were shaped like people, animals, mythological creatures, and sometimes just cartoonish versions of their original form, but the town streets _moved_ now. To a jumpy, jazzy beat. The inaugural crowd went wild.

The mechanical performers even interacted with spectators, especially children, and when the music stopped, each and every device stopped at once, returned to their original positions, and shifted right back into their original form, showing no indication at all of what they had transformed into. Their original functions were also retained, so streetlamps gave off lights, shop carts could be used by their merchants, and so on.

People would try to examine them, coax them, even try to command them into changing again, but to no avail. Nothing happened unless the announcement had been made and the music was playing, which it did, once a day, every day. When the objects were inanimate, the constables let people look to an extent, but had to actively deter those who tried to damage or dismantle the devices. There had been no publicity, no marketing, no hints or teases from those governing the kingdom or towns - much to the Marketing department's dismay - but that mandate had come from the ruling family itself. Henceforth, the kingdom of Guildern could no longer call itself entirely tech-free. Sparks - or perhaps only a single Spark, if rumors were to be believed - had returned.

The Mousehearts, mostly Mara, had conducted research of Castle Heterodyne and Mechanicsburg. They knew that Mechanicsburg, true to its name, had always been filled to the brim with mechanics, Sparks and their devices. As for the Castle, it was either a technological marvel unlike any other -- or haunted. Even knowing that the former was the case, the conflicting stories about the Castle piqued her interest, and she was resolved to get to the bottom of them.

**************************

It was, unfortunately, nighttime when the Mouseheart's carriage made its way up the menacing, black-stoned path to the front gates of the Castle. It cut quite the dismal silhouette against the waxing gibbous moon. It was of some relief that the path was lighted, except that the lights emitted from the "eyes" of stone, gargoyle-like sculptures. The middle child, Edward, just past two, looked through the carriage window and regretted it. He ducked back inside quickly and all but buried himself in his father's chest, and moaned. The oldest, Isabel, just past four, also looked through the carriage window, but was impressed by the scenery and pointed out to her mother that each gargoyle-like creature was different.

The sky was clear, which was why there simply had to be a crack of lightning suddenly striking at the Castle, terrifying Edward and startling Daphne, not to mention the carriage's horses, but fascinating Isabel. She cried out in glee and pointed.

"Momma, Poppa, it's lightning!" she said. Her mother smiled.

"That's right, honey," she said. "And do you remember what makes lightning?"

"It's, um..." said Isabel, a finger put to her lips, "It's an electrical discharge..."

Her mother nodded.

"...because... there's an imbalance of charges in the air and the ground... "

Her mother continued nodding.

 "...and then the imbalance gets realllly big... and then enough electricity is made to make lightning, and it tries to go down because the ground has a positive charge and the lightning is negative, and opposites attract!"

Mara smiled and clasped her hands together. "Very good, honey!" she said. "You have the basic idea!"

"She's _four_ , and she knows such things," said Kelvin, not without a small amount of pride.

"Four and a third, Poppa!"

"I do wonder where the clouds are that produced the discharge, though," muttered Mara, peering outside. Given that they were approaching the home of the sparkiest of Spark families, she deduced that somebody, at some time, had experimented with weather control devices. Perhaps even the Lady Agatha herself. Mara sat back in her seat, and noticed that Edward was shaking his head.

"Don't like lightning," he said.

"Oh, sweetie, it's only because you don't understand it yet," said Mara. "The more you learn, the less frightening that things become."

"No, it's because he's _dumb_!" said Isabel, and laughed at her own joke. Edward burst into loud tears. The look that her parents gave her, though, made her realize immediately that she was an audience of one. Mara grabbed her daughter's arm and lowered her voice.

"Isabel Hope Mouseheart!" she growled. "We do not refer to people as 'dumb'! Ever! Not _anyone_ , never mind your own brother! Do you understand me?"

Isabel groaned and fought back tears. "Sorry, Momma," she said.

"Not to me! To Edward!"

"...Sorry, Edward," she said. Edward pouted.

"Edward," said Kelvin, "Your sister has apologized to you."

"Don't care."

"Edward," said Mara, "We must be gracious and accept sincere apologies. Your sister truly regrets her words."

"...Okay," Edward lied, but his parents silently decided to let it slide.

*****

The carriage made it up the long path and circled the roundabout at the top until reaching the front door. Unsurprisingly the double doors were enormous, thick, ominous, imposing... whatever didn't cry out "Come on in!" to a normal visitor.

While the coachman began unloading their goods, the doors opened, and three people emerged. One of them Mara recognized as Violetta, one of Agatha's companions from the visit. Violetta wore a simple dress this time rather than the more masculine attire she'd worn before, and was holding and petting a small, reddish-brown animal. There was also a man - dark-haired, stout, bearded - and a woman of average build and appearance. Kelvin charged Daphne with watching the children while he and Mara approached them.

"Good evening to you all," he said. "Would you please inform the Lady Heterodyne that Prince and Princess Mouseheart and family have arrived?"

"Dear, this is Miss Violetta," said Mara.

"Oh? Well, then," said Kelvin, extending his hand. "I've heard good things about you. I'm told that you cured our daughter's stomach ailment. You have our sincerest gratitude." To her surprise Kelvin turned her hand and brought it up to be kissed. When he was done, she pulled it away gently, perplexed.

"Uh...." she said. "No problem?"

"It's good to see you again, dear," said Mara, stepping forward and embracing her warmly. Another unexpected move, but tolerated. Mara took a moment to greet her pet, which on closer inspection appeared to be a sort of weasel. It sniffed at Mara before allowing her to touch it.

"Agatha's on her way," said Violetta, looking back. "Thought she'd be here by now."

Mara excused herself to go introduce herself to the man and woman, who were called Moloch and Snaug, respectively. They had been sent to assist with unloading the carriage. Mara directed them to the coachman for instructions, when she heard some noises from the other side of the carriage, and rushed off to direct the coachman's efforts at removing an unwieldy item. Moloch and Snaug followed, but Mara would not allow anyone to remove its covering. Meanwhile, Isabel and Edward could no longer contain their excitement, and rushed over to pet Violetta's weasel, which went through the same routine of sniffing them before allowing itself to be touched.

Soon enough, Lady Agatha herself arrived at the entrance, doing her best to appear dignified while walking hurriedly. Kelvin noticed her breathing heavily, most likely from racing through the Castle. She was dressed in fine Lady's clothing, the skirt and vest being a forest green, with a white, lacy blouse underneath, long silken gloves, tan leather boots, and a trilobite choker befitting a Heterodyne. What was clashing with this image were the grease marks on her face and somewhat unkempt hair.

"Hello, Welcome, Greetings, sorry I'm late!" she said, adjusting her glasses and flashing a big smile. He smiled back and held out his hand. She giggled as he repeated the hand-kiss maneuver he'd used on Violetta. Then both were startled by a _thump_ coming from the carriage.

"I'm all right, it's all right, there's no damage!" said Mara as she came around to the front. She made the briefest of double-takes at Agatha's appearance, squealed with glee, then rushed forward into a bearhug, followed by kisses on both cheeks. Mara grimaced when she realized that some of Agatha's grease had gotten onto her lips.

"Wow," said Agatha, "I guess you _did_ miss m- Oh, you have a smudge of something on your cheek. Here." She wiped at her own cheek to indicate where, then looked at her fingers and realized what had happened. "Oh, wait, did I do that?"

"You did, my lady," said Violetta. "And now your fine glove is dirty. Did you even look at a mirror before coming out?"

"I was in a hurry."

Kelvin chuckled. "Don't worry. Mara looks like that half of the time these days."

Agatha was intrigued. "Oh, _reaaally_?" she said, giving her a sly look. Mara blushed.

"Well... I haven't hidden my, ah, new interest from you in our correspondence," she said. Kelvin took the opportunity to introduce Agatha to Daphne and the rest of the family. She was particularly pleased to see Isabel. She crouched down, smiling, and shook Isabel's hand. Isabel did not smile back, but looked at her as though examining her for defects.

"Do you remember me?" said Agatha.

"No," said Isabel.

Agatha gently poked Isabel on the nose. "Bzzt!" she said. "Do you remember that?"

"No," said Isabel. "You're a Spark."

"You're right! Are you sure you don't remember meeting me?"

"Yeah," said Isabel. "But that's okay. I'm a Spark, too." She suddenly held up something to Agatha. It appeared to be a simple, jointed doll at first, painted like a harlequin, but then came to "life" and started climbing around Isabel. "This is JoJo," she said. "Momma made him. He's my friend and plays any game I like."

Agatha watched "JoJo" go its through motions, then slowly stood up, turned, and stared at Mara with barely-contained amusement. Mara blushed and clasped her hands together awkwardly.

"Uh..." she said, chuckling, "Yes, we do have a lot of catching up to do!"

*******************************

The Mousehearts' mouths were agape, if not from the sheer size of the Castle's foyer and main corridors, but from the enormous, magnificent sculptures of armored creatures lining every crevice, alcove, nook and cranny. Their reasons for the awe varied from member to member, however. Mara and her daughter Isabel were stunned by the magnificence. Kelvin recognized the whole of it as representations of power, creativity, but mostly ego. Daphne dutifully followed her lieges and carried baby Silas, but privately preferred to be somewhere more cheerful and inviting... even a dungeon would have worked. Edward, carried by his father, spent his time burying his face into his father's chest, sometimes daring to glimpse at the statues that he "knew" were monsters ready to pounce at any moment. If the others hadn't been looking forward as they walked, they might have noticed some of the "statues" preparing to do just that, as they walked past. And bringing up the rear was Violetta, casual and almost bored, like the long-time resident of the Castle that she was. She didn't have to look back; she already knew the Castle was watching.

Agatha was happily describing their surroundings as Moloch and Snaug pushed the cart ahead of them, until they finally reached the corridor containing their guest rooms. Kelvin and Mara would have their own room, and Daphne and the children would share another. The luggage cart was brought into Kelvin's and Mara's room. It was one of the most lavishly appointed rooms they had ever seen, even more so than their own Castle's "fantasy room" for VIP guests. This had all the trappings of the well-to-do and aristocratic: four-poster bed with silk curtains and sheets, exquisitely carved bas reliefs on the walls and ceiling, and parquet floors. All of the furniture appeared to be sturdy and hand-crafted, some with filigree carved into the molding or sides, some with silver and gold inlaid into geometric patterns. The entire room was a work of art. Kelvin was unabashedly impressed, as was Mara, but there was also something... unsettling about it. She made a mental note to give the room a better look.

Next stop was Daphne's and the children's room. It was just as large and well-appointed, but with enough beds to accommodate all of them. Agatha seemed very proud of their accommodations, explaining that they were, as far as she could tell, the fanciest of the rooms, next to her own master bedroom, of course. The room was a flurry of unpacking, shepherding children, adults trying to discuss that night's dinner plans, Mara calming and comforting her oldest daughter over her "missing" toy clank "JoJo" (no doubt just mislaid somewhere), and baby Silas bursting into loud tears. Both Mara and Daphne recognized the cause by his tone. Daphne handed him to her mistress.

"Please excuse me," she said to Agatha. "I won't be a moment." She leaned towards Kelvin. "I'll just duck into the next room. You'll make sure they're ready for dinner, yes?"

"Of course, dear."

In the next room, Mara consoled Silas while unbuttoning her coat and blouse so he could begin to feed. His sobbing immediately quieted down into suckling. Mara decided to pass the time by examining the room's decor a little more closely. She started with the bas reliefs and quickly caught on what had been subliminally disturbing to her: rather than carvings of pastoral, heroic or even historical scenes and images, there were menacing figures depicted in the act of torturing - dare she thought, experimenting on - helpless, terrified victims. Carvings of people that, at first glance, appeared to be dancing or celebrating, were actually fleeing from some grotesque creature. Madmen - and women - killing each other with violent inventions. Animals being tortured, or transformed, by cackling mad scientists.

Mara shuddered and stood by an exquisitely-decorated dressing table. She looked at the various carvings on the side, and it took not much imagination to see demonic faces leering at her. She wiped some sweat from her face and made herself look at some of the family portraits along the walls. A passerby would see regal ancestors captured in oil on canvas; she saw madness, perhaps even evil, behind those painted eyes.

There was a slight rumbling in the walls and ceiling. "THAT'S DEAR OLD HEIRONYMUS HETERODYNE," boomed a baritone.

"-The hell??" said Mara, looking everywhere at once. Baby Silas, meanwhile, suckled away in ignorant bliss. She cautiously started moving towards the bedroom door.

"TO THIS DAY I MISS HIS WHEEZING CACKLE," the voice continued. " 'WHEEZE, WHEEZE, WHEEZE, HEE HEE HA HAAAAA!' OH, BUT I NEVER COULD DO IT JUSTICE."

"Oh, I'm sure you do just fine," said Mara, and bolted for the door. All the locks clicked into place by themselves. Mara tugged at the door and tried to undo the locks, to no avail. Suddenly a fire blazed in her eyes, and she whirled around, enraged.

" _Who are you?? Where are you?? Show yourself!! How dare you threaten an innocent child?? I said, show yourself_!!"

"T-T-T-T, MANNERS," came the booming voice again. "NO ONE IS INNOCENT; _ESPECIALLY_ NOT CHILDREN. AND WHO AM I? I AM EVERYWHERE. I AM ABOVE YOU. I AM BELOW YOU. I AM BESIDE YOU. I AM... CASTLE HETERODYNE!"

Somebody was pounding on the other side of the bedroom door. "Mara?" came Kelvin's muffled voice. "What's going on? The door is locked! Please open the door!"

"I'm not the one who locked it!" she yelled into the wood, then looked up to address the voice. "Let me out _now_!" said Mara. " _Don't_ think I can't-!"

She heard Agatha now. "Castle, did you do this? Open this door now!"

The Castle... sighed? - the sound made the walls and floor tremble - and the locks were undone. Kelvin rushed through the door, followed by Agatha. He was frantic; she was furious.

"Castle, what was that all about?" she demanded. "We've been over this; these are my guests!"

"EXACTLY, MY LADY," it rumbled. "YOU DECREED THAT I BE FRIENDLY, SO I WAS. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR GUESTS ARE SQUIRRELLY. SHE RUDELY TRIED TO CUT OUR CONVERSATION SHORT."

"I'm... usually quick to apologize," said Mara, "But I don't think my attempt to escape was unjustified."

"Agreed," said Agatha. "Castle: behave yourself."

"BUT I _WAS_."

"What's going on here?" asked Kelvin. "Who's speaking? Where is this voice coming from?"

Agatha shrugged. "It's the Castle. It has an A.I."

"What? What kind of eye?"

" _Ohhhhh_ ," said Mara in comprehension, and admiration. "Dear, I keep explaining that it's an abbreviation for 'Artificial Intelligence.' And Agatha, I thought you were just anthropomorphizing the Castle in your letters. 'It wasn't happy about that,' and so forth. I didn't realize you meant it _literally_."

"Yes," she said. "Funny old world, huh?"

Kelvin held up his hands. "Wait a minute," he said. "Wait a minute. Mara, didn't it just trap you in this room a-and try to kill you?"

"LIES, MY LADY," said the Castle. " _TRAP_ , YES. _KILL_ , NO. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN OUR 'DISCUSSION.'"

Kelvin shook his finger at the ceiling. "Now _just a minute_  my good... er... _you_ ," he said. "You threatened my wife and child, and that's unacceptable! You will apologize immediately!"

The walls and floor trembled again from the Castle's "sigh." "MY LADY, ARE YOU _CERTAIN_ ABOUT NO HARM BEING DONE? NOT EVEN A LITTLE?"

"Castle," said Agatha, pinching her eyes together, "Just shut it, all right?"

Kelvin was about to go off again, when Mara stepped up and laid a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Dear... Dear..." she said. "Please. I know this is going to sound, um, a bit crazy, but yes, I was startled, and it made me worried about Silas' safety, but it caused no harm."

"I'd like to think that's because we arrived in time."

"I WAS GOING TO DESCRIBE THE ANCESTORS IN THE PORTRAITS FOR HER. DEAR OLD HEIRONYMUS. LOVELY EXCRETIA. EVEN OUTRAGIO, POOR SOT."

"Maybe some other time, Castle," said Agatha.

"How did you do it?" asked Mara, her excitement rising. "I mean, this is-- Unbelievably incredible! The _entire_ Castle? Really? You made a clank the size of-?" Agatha suddenly clamped her hand over Mara's mouth. She spoke into Mara's ear in the lowest, most cautious whisper that she could.

"Don't-- call it-- a 'clank! Got that?" Mara nodded, and Agatha let go.

"I'm sorry," said Kelvin, "But am I the only one here who has reservations about staying in a haunted Castle?"

The two women giggled. "Darling, there's no such thing as-- Don't you see now? She built a sentient home! An artificial intelligence that can be conversed with-"

"To excess," said Agatha.

"-reasoned with-"

"Usually."

"-and-and can apparently even affect its environment! Am I correct?"

"Ohhhhhh, yes," said Agatha. "Yes, it can. By the way, I didn't build it. I did repair it, and that was... Well, it's a long story. But you all must be famished, right??"


	2. Playing Catch Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--Agatha had struck up a friendship with the Princess over the last couple of years and is hosting the family at the Castle  
> \--The Castle tried to be friendly, but you know, it's the Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal in Oct 2012, then jagerkin.tk
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment

\--------------------

For dinner, the Mousehearts had brought a hostess gift, as well as gifts for Agatha's three companions from their Castle Mouseheart visit. Boxes of various sizes were carted in before dinner, the largest by far reserved for Agatha. It was the unwieldy item that had given the coachman so much trouble earlier. Mara was disappointed that Zeetha and Sanaa were not around to receive their gifts. Agatha tried to protest being brought gifts at all, but the Mousehearts insisted upon it.

Mara decided to give the others a peek at Zeetha's and Sanaa's gifts. She admitted to some embarrassment about Zeetha's gift, which was a one-size-fits-all bodysuit designed to enhance exercise by impeding movement. More effort was put into every movement, ultimately leading to greater overall strength. Mara had designed it herself and claimed that she and Kelvin had their own versions at home. Kelvin was the one who erupted into a testimonial, to her further embarrassment. She was perplexed by Agatha's insistence that it would be she who would end up wearing it, not Zeetha, but would not explain why.

Next up was Sanaa's gift, which Mara had slightly more pride in: a soup ladle. Agatha laughed.

"Oh, yes, like for your 'Pauper Princess' persona," she said. "Wait - I thought Sanaa got one from a gift shop? Violetta, didn't she already get one?" Violetta nodded.

"This was mine," said Mara. "We've retired the 'Pauper Princess.'"

"Retired? Really?" said Agatha. "So -- this is the one from your costume?"

"Yes, but it's not _that_ special," said Mara. "No exaggeration, it's something I grabbed from the castle's kitchen when we were putting it all together. There's nothing remarkable about it. It's... a soup ladle!"

"But still, it's the one that _you_ had," said Agatha. "I can tell you, she's going to love this! But why Sanaa, when you could make this... I don't know, a family heirloom or something?"

Mara shrugged. "Like I said, we retired the Pauper Princess," she said. "Oh, we still have contests for people to stay in the castle and 'Teatime' with one of us, but if I'm hosting, they meet _me_ , not an exaggeration. That persona, as you say, served its purpose, for better or worse. And besides, I wanted each of you to have something, and I was quite charmed that Sanaa really seemed to be enjoying herself so much. Oh, which reminds me-" She reached into the box and carefully pulled up part of the lining. Underneath was a pin in the shape of the Mouseheart insignia - a stylized combination of the shape of a mouse's head and a human heart, with small whiskers at the bottom of its 'snout.'

"It's, you know, 'hidden?' " said Mara. Agatha smiled and nodded, and Mara closed up that box and set it aside. "I hope you don't mind that your gift will be last," she said to Agatha. She took another medium-sized gift box, wrapped this time, and held it out for Violetta.

"Nothing for me, please," she said.

"Goodness, we couldn't just skip you??" said Mara.

Violetta sighed and gave Agatha a quick Look, tore off the wrapping, then carefully tried to peek into the box, to the Mouseheart's amusement. Finally she yanked off the top quickly. Inside was a long dress made of a blend of royal blue silk, satin and a cotton knit imported from the Americas. She held it up in near-disbelief.

"Ohhh, look at that," said Agatha, feeling the material. "It's gorgeous."

"Hand-stitched?" said Violetta after a closer look.

"Ah, yes," said Mara. "We still make things by hand in Guildern. I do hope it fits? The seamstresses were beside themselves that I could only guess at your measurements. So, if it doesn't fit, you can blame me. What do you think?"

Violetta did not answer at first, but stood up from her seat and held the dress in front of herself. Agatha also stood up and fussed with the dress, to her assistant's annoyance. Finally Violetta cleared her throat.

"Er, like my Lady said," she said. "It's gorgeous."

"Go try it on!" said Agatha.

"We're about to have dinner."

"There's time to change," said Agatha. "Go! See if it fits! Go, go!"

"But-!" Violetta gave up on protesting, and left the room to acquiesce to her mistress' demand.

"We didn't want her to feel pressured?" said Mara.

Agatha waved her hand. "She loves it. I know her. Oh! Is it my turn?"

"It is indeed," said Mara. She and Kelvin left their seats to, on a count, yank off the covering from Agatha's gift. Agatha had been acquainted with it before; she laughed and clapped her hands. It was the air purifier that she had deliberately fixed wrong while visiting Castle Mouseheart, setting off the chain of events leading to Mara's rebirth as a Spark.

"Puri," said Mara, "Stand up and meet your new mistress."

"Standing up," it said in a mechanized version of Mara's voice, and shifted from a boxy air purifier into a short, humanoid clank, albeit with no head.

"It just needs to calibrate to your voice and form," said Mara, "And it's all yours."

Agatha knew how that worked, and busied herself giving it a voice sample and posing for a body scan. She gave it some practice commands and was satisfied. Mara's only request was that, while Agatha was free to make improvements, the clank not be weaponized. Agatha happily agreed to it.

Violetta returned to the room, now wearing the blue dress. She gave "Puri" a curious look as she passed by. The dress fit well but needed some very minor tucking in a few spots. Other than that, she was a stunning vision in blue. Agatha made her turn around to show all sides before letting her be reseated. Violetta's cheeks were their own special shade of violet as she scooted back in.

"...Thank you," she said, her gaze darting from one Mouseheart to the other.

Mara's smile was bigger than any she'd managed as the Pauper Princess. She put her hand on Kelvin's. "It's our pleasure," she said.

"It looks fantastic on you," said Kelvin.

"Uh, yeah, well," she said, tucking her napkin at top, "Let's hope I don't stain it all tonight."

Mara had no response for her, but glanced at Agatha, who mouthed "She loves it!" to her before tucking in her own napkin.

*****************

Over dinner, Kelvin was finishing his description of some of the changes that his wife had made to the kingdom of Guildern.

"-and finally, when the music stops, all the clanks return to their locations and shift back to their original forms! As though nothing had happened!" he said. Mara was smiling as humbly as she could, but could not hide any of the blushing.

"Oh, that sounds great," said Agatha. "We should make a return trip some time. Mara, stop being so coy about these things in your letters."

"Well, I'm... not really doing anything _that_ technologically impressive," she said.

"Dear, your additions and improvements have single-handedly doubled the visitors to the kingdom," said Kelvin. "Take the credit; you deserve it."

"It sounds like the Sparks have returned to Guildern," said Agatha.

"Uh, well..." said Mara. "Not entirely. See, we managed to spread the news about work for Sparks. And we did hire some, and I did try very hard to work with them. But..."

"But...?"

Mara sighed. "There were always, shall we say, creative differences. I don't know how Lord Mouseheart did it, so long ago. He managed to get all sorts of madboys working towards the same goal: fun and _safe_ entertainment for visitors. But the ones _we_ hired kept trying to 'improve' my designs, which in their cases usually meant _offensive weapons_ , or totally ignoring the safety measures I incorporated, or going completely offtrack and wanting to... perform medical experiments and such."

"Oh, that must be so frustrating," said Agatha. "But I know the feeling."

Mara sighed again. "Thank goodness, it's _not_ just me, then. I'm sure that, eventually, I'll find the right people to work with, but for the time being, I've been on my own, other than the team of mechanics. I definitely need _them_."

"Hear! Hear!" said Moloch and Snaug, raising their goblets. Mara smiled.

"I really dislike firing people, but I've had to so often. And of course they all vow vengeance on me and insist that I'll _fail_ without their _genius_  to guide me. But I showed them," she said, then lowered her voice and glowered. "I showed them _all_."

Agatha and Kelvin traded looks. Kelvin patted and rubbed her shoulder, bringing her out of her sudden brooding. "Yes, you did, darling," he said. "You show them every day." 

She took his hand. "I just want people to enjoy themselves there," she said. "To be happy."

"Yes, that's what everyone wants," he said. "You-"

"Oh, but enough about me!" said Mara. "Agatha, Violetta, all of you: please. What's going on with your lives? How are things?"

"Oh," said Agatha, trading uncertain looks with Violetta and her staff, "Great, for the most part. Oh, you know, last week was the anniversary of the Doom Bell. And it lasted _for_ a week. That was pretty fun. A lot of music and dancing in the streets. A parade to start it off. Lots of drinking. And fighting. There was quite a lot of fighting, now that I think of it. But, you know, that's the Jägers for you. Right now it's just down to cleaning and repairwork. You didn't have to steer around a lot of rubble on the way, did you?"

"Uh..." said Kelvin, looking at Mara, "We don't recall seeing any of that. But it was dark by the time we got to the city."

"I saw a statue with no head!" said Isabel. "It looked funny."

"That was the least of the damage," said Violetta.

"We've had crews working day and night," said Moloch. "They might get done in time for the next anniversary."

"And they're doing a great job, as always," said Agatha.

"Now..." said Mara, "If I recall correctly, you wrote that the 'Doom Bell' had to do with announcing your installation into the Castle? Is that correct? Why call it 'Doom,' then?"

"You'd know why if you heard it," said Moloch. "It's somethin' else, that's all I can say!"

"Ah. Well, perhaps someday!" said Kelvin with unconvincing enthusiasm.

"I wonder if we should have more festivals in Guildern?" said Mara. "Er... minus fighting and property damage, that is. What do you think, dear? Something themed to the seasons, or... something historical? Oh! Why don't we have clanks acting out Lord Mouseheart's story! I think it's time for people to remember his work, don't you?"

"Whatever you think people would like, dear," said Kelvin. "You've been right so far."

"Welcome to the world of living with Sparks," said Moloch.

Agatha stroked her chin. "I seem to recall that staff reviews are coming up soon."

"And it's the most wonderful way to live," said Moloch.

"It's my dream job," said Snaug.

Agatha smiled slyly, then was startled when Mara slapped the table.

"You promised you'd tell us more about the Castle," said Mara. "Please? Just being here is giving me so many ideas, but it would help to know better about... well, how does it work? How complex is the AI? How do you power it? How integrated is it with other systems?"

"Oh!" said Agatha. "It would take hours just describing the neural clusters-"

"Please don't," Violetta muttered under her breath.

"Anything you could convey, we'd really appreciate," said Mara.

" 'We'd?' " said Kelvin.

Unfortunately neither Lady got the hint. Agatha was off like a shot, describing the intricacies of the Castle's systems, from its foundation, or "bones," to its integrated neural systems that as closely approximated a human brain as a mechanism could, to its power from the River Dyne itself, to its integration with the city. Each section she described began at slightly high-level, then more and more detail were added the more she went on. She also spoke faster and faster until her speech was a blur of "technobabble" (to a non-Spark's point of view). Mara's rapt attention and frozen, awestruck smile only encouraged her to keep going. Mara understood every word and did not need to take notes to remember it.

Five minutes were as much as Violetta, and then Kelvin, could tolerate. The rest of the dinner party fought fatigue or were flatout sleeping. As their respective ladies waxed technical, Violetta and Kelvin each tried to get their attention. When various attempts to tug at sleeves, nudge arms, and tap on shoulders failed, Violetta held up her fists and mimed to Kelvin to do the same. She then made a silent countdown, and on three, they both _slammed_  their fists down with all their might. The collective WHAM was enough to wake up the two mechanics, who were used to catching Z's even during major construction. Meanwhile, the two ladies slowly realized that a loud sound had occurred. Their dialogue died away, and they looked around.

"Did you hear something?" said Agatha.

"Oh, just something off in the distance, my Lady," said Violetta. "Also: HEY! You realize there are non-Sparks here, right?"

"Yes. Why?"

Kelvin put his hand on Mara's arm. "Honey, let's just say we won't need to tell the children any bedtime stories tonight."

She looked around the table and saw the rest of the Mousehearts, including Daphne, sound asleep. Kelvin went to the business of waking up their nanny.

"Oh, I've been thoughtless," said Mara. "I wasn't paying attention to how tired everyone is. We should get everyone to bed. Agatha, we haven't kept you and the others up, have we? Kept you from any business?"

"Us?" she scoffed. "We don't keep 'normal' hours at all. Sorry that you're so tired, but you did have a long journey. I was hoping we could move to the den for some wine and more chatting."

"Oh, _I'm_ not tired," said Mara. "I'd love to join you for drinks, but... I'm...." she leaned in to whisper in Agatha's ear, "Nursing."

"Dear, you go on with them," said Kelvin. "Daphne and I can handle the children."

"It's no trouble, my Lady," said Daphne, yawning and picking up baby Silas.

"But I still--" Mara turned to the other women and held up both hands. "Ten minutes. May I have ten minutes? Please?"

"Of course," said Agatha, scooting from her seat, as did the rest of the dinner group. "We'll be right next door. Ask the Castle if you get lost."


	3. De Mistress Gets a Nize Hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> -The Mousehearts brought hostess gifts for Agatha, Violetta, Zeetha and Sanaa.  
> -Dinner and conversation were served.  
> -Mara accepted Agatha's invitation for after-dinner wine and snacks.  
> -Man, that makes it sound _really boring_. I hope you didn't think so!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal in Oct 2012, then jagerkin.tk
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment

\-----------------------

It was decided to be a Ladies Night in the den, so Agatha was accompanied by Violetta and Snaug, who gave a goodnight kiss to Moloch. Violetta pretended not to notice. Chairs were arranged in a semi-circle in front of the fireplace, which was blazing away. Snaug was tasked with bringing up the wine bottles and glasses for the evening. Violetta curled up in her chair and brooded.

"The dress really does look nice on you," said Agatha.

"I know," said Violetta.

A silence followed.

"You still don't trust them," said Agatha.

"I can't help thinking they're trying to curry favor or ply us with nice things," said Violetta.

"Well..." said Agatha, looking back at the doorway, "She'll be back any minute, so at least try to smile or something. And use your mastery of body language to find chinks in her armor."

"You got that right." Violetta uncurled her legs a little and shifted positions. "Even if - All right, _even if_ there's nothing sinister there, and all of this is sincere niceness, she hasn't been a Spark very long. We don't know if she has total control over her devices yet. Like that... whatever that thing is that she gave you."

"The air purifier?"

"The _walking_ air purifier," said Violetta. "I say keep it locked in your workshop so you can disassemble it later. Find out if there are any surprises."

"I already examined it."

"Two years ago."

"Oh, have it your way," said Agatha. "I'll check it again in the lab. But then, I probably would've, anyway.”

**"Ahhh, _dere_ hyu iz!!"**

Agatha almost fell out of her chair, then recognized the rough voice of Mamma Gkika: barkeep, herbalist, and Jäger General. Mamma sauntered into the room, every needle-sharp tooth in sight on her massive grin. She was followed by more of Agatha's favorite Jäger, affectionately known as "The Boys:" Dimo, Maxim and Ognian.

 **"How iz tings, Mistress?"** said Mamma. **"Gots enny schleep zince de potty?"**

"Like a baby, General," said Agatha.

 **"Pah! Just Mamma now,"** she said with a wink.

"What brings you all here?" said Violetta. "Isn't it karaoke night at the bar?"

 **"Dot's tomorrow,"** said Gkika. **"Und dey's late, but dey finally hef hyu anniversary gift!"**

"Aww, you didn't have to get me anything," said Agatha. "I guess tonight is Gift Night, huh?"

**"Vot?"**

"Never mind," said Agatha, getting up from her chair. Violetta followed. The Boys proudly pulled out what could only be a hat box. All three showed as many teeth in their collective grins as Mamma had. Agatha took the box and was surprised by its weight. She grinned while opening the top and pulling out the hat within, which resembled a fez.

"A hat," said Agatha. "Of course. Thanks, everyone!"

 **"No, no, Mistress,"** said Dimo. **"Hyu gots to vear it! Iz a very special hat!"**

 **"Iz a _Heterodyne_ hat!"** said Maxim.

"What do you mean?" said Agatha, putting it on. As soon as she had done so, the hat vibrated, whirred and hummed, and the entire piece folded open. Part of it flattened into a platform, revealing tiny, mechanized figures depicting humans, creatures and machinery alike. They were already in motion, reenacting some scene from Heterodyne history. The latest Heterodyne was panicking.

"Ahh, what is it doing?? What's going on??"

Mamma and the Boys wiped away tears. **"Iz byootiful!"** said Mamma.

"Violetta, what is it doing??"

"That is _so cool_ ," said Violetta quietly.

"That does not help me!! Where's a mirror?" said Agatha, and started to turn, but Mamma stopped her.

 **"Nein!"** she said. **"No movink until all iz done!"**

"But I don't even know what it's doing!"

She yelped when a tiny cannon shot as part of its battle scene. A little puff of smoke wafted upwards. Some of the mechanized figures fell over, and figures on the other side raised their arms in triumph. Then they froze, and all the parts moved closer to each other, and the sides of the hat raised up until it was back in its original form.

"Is it done??" said Agatha. "Is it safe to take off?"

"That was amazing!" said Violetta. "Where did you get this? Who made this?"

 **"Malicio Heterodyne made it,"** said Mamma. **"I sorved vit him a _long_ time ago. Den I remembered, he gots a nice hat, but it gots schtuck in an old museum in Hapsburg. Pipple dere din know vot it did! But hy remembered, und sent dem to get it!"**

"Really?" said Agatha. "It was in a museum all this time, and nobody ever put it on?"

 **"Yas,"** said Mamma. **"Und de best part iz it gots different scenes! Guys, hyu know how many?"**

**"No, Mamma."**

 **"Ah, hyu'll find out,"** she said. **"Just keep vearing it, sveethot!"**

"Thank you all," said Agatha. "This truly is a nice hat. Now where's a mirror when you need one?"

"I don't think there is one in here," said Violetta.

With an impish grin, Agatha put the hat on Violetta and stepped back. They waited, but nothing happened. Agatha tried adjusting it, but caught part of it on Violetta's hair.

She and Violetta were carefully removing it, when Mara walked in. She was all smiles until spotting the group of Jäger. She yelped... and by the time her yelp was done, she was standing in a battle-ready stance, to the surprise, then amusement of the quartet. She very quickly realized that her reflexes had put her in big trouble.

Her voice shrank to tiny proportions. "Oh, crap," she whispered almost inaudibly as the quartet inched their way towards her, half of their faces taken up by fang-filled grins. She shrank back and took baby steps backwards while slowly relaxing her fighting stance into as non-threatening a posture as she could manage. She struggled to keep her breathing at a normal pace.

Suddenly Agatha was at her side and partly between her and the Jäger. She put an arm around Mara's waist.

"Mara, glad you made it!" she said. Mara was shivering, and forced herself to look at Agatha, but just managed a glance before shifting attention back to the Jäger. "I see you've met my friends."

"...Fr--?"

"I'd like you all to meet my friend, Princess Mara Mouseheart of the kingdom of Guildern," said Agatha. "She and her family are staying with us a few days. And Mara, please meet my very good friend, Mamma Gkika-" Gkika snapped her boots together and bowed - "And 'my boys,' Dimo, Maxim, and Ognian." The three Jäger each bowed their heads quickly and muttered polite greetings.

Dimo snapped his fingers. **"Hy knew it!"** Mara flinched. **"Iz hyu! Guys, dis iz de Prinzess from de boring kestle vit de creepy-heppy pipple!"  
**

**"Yas, und terrible hats!"** added Maxim.

Ognian threw his arms wide. **"Hyu remember us, yas, Prinzess?"**

"What?" she said, still shivering. "Wh-what?"

 **"Ve vos de big prize-vinners,"** said Maxim. **"Ve schlept in de kestle und palled vit de Prince."**

"Oh, my Go-"

"Hold on," said Agatha. "You won that contest, too? _You_??"

 **"Ve din tell hyu?"** said Dimo  **"Ach, so sorry, sveethot! Ve been vantink to tell hyu, but ve kept gettink, hyu know, de side-tracked!"**

Mara pointed a shaky finger at them and swallowed. "It _was_ you," she said. "All three of you. I remember now."

Ognian inhaled deeply. **"Yah, dis gots to be her!"** he said. The others murmured in agreement and surrounded her, leaning closer to start sniffing at her. **"Ooo, nize..." "Yas, iz nize..."**  Curious, Mamma Gkika joined them.

Mara stiffened and pulled herself in, trying in vain to shrink into nothingness. Her voice was little more than a squeak. "Oh, God, not again!" Her panicky whimpers grew louder, until Agatha started pulling them away.

"Hey, stop that!" she said. "Can't you see you're scaring her? What's wrong with you?"

**"But, Mistress-"**

"No scaring my guests," she said. "That's my new rule here."

**"But, Mistress-"**

"B-b-b-b-!" she said. "No scaring my guests!"

**"Yas, Mistress. Please forgiff os."**

"Forgiven," she said, pointing her nose in the air. She gently pulled Mara from the huddle, who seemed unwilling to unclench her body. "Mamma," she said. "Guys. I _really_ appreciate your gift. I'm going to have hours of fun with it!"

 **"H'our pleasure, sveethot!"** said Mamma, with a bow. **"Come on, boyz, ve gots odder tings to do! Say gute nacht to de mistress und Miss Violetta und de Fräulein... _und de Prinzess_."**

**"Gute nacht, Mistress. Miss Violetta. Fräulein. _Prinzess_. Heppy Anniversary, Mistress!"**

The Jäger took their leave, stealing glances at "de Prinzess" as they departed, and murmuring amongst themselves. Mara was staring at nothing, her body still stiff. Agatha touched her shoulder; she yelped and flinched.

"Whoa, hey, hey," said Agatha gently. "It's okay. They're gone now. You know, the Jäger look fierce, and they love intimidating people, but they're absolutely loyal to me. They would never hurt anyone close to me."

"That's... good to know," said Mara, glancing back.

"So... they really won a trip to Castle Mouseheart? Those three??"

Mara again glanced back at the doorway. "Yes. It was definitely them. Kelvin was their host, not I. But I was really remembering something else... Um... You know, it's not important. I'll be fine."

"Maybe you should just go to bed," said Agatha. "We don't have to have the wine tonight. You had a long trip and are probably more tired than you think."

Snaug, who had brought up a case of different wines and had finished setting up everything, heard this and made a noise in protest.

"Oh, no, please, I would love to have a glass," said Mara. "But just _one_ little one. I'm -" She lowered her voice into an unnecessary whisper. "-Nursing-" Back to normal: "But I pumped out some ahead of time for the nanny to use."

"Ah," said Agatha. "Well, if you insist, we're happy for you to join us. Oh! Let me show you what the Jäger brought me as an anniversary gift. One of my ancestors made it! This should cheer you up. Here, try it."

She took the hat from Violetta and started putting it on Mara. Violetta warned, "Agatha, it probably only works for you-"

As soon as the hat was on her head, it whirred, hummed, and began opening up into a new mechanized scene. Mara whimpered again, then closed her eyes, clenched her fists tight, and screamed.

*******************************

Agatha lightened the mood by helping Mara finalize their plans for the next day. Agatha would give her and Kelvin a "greatest hits" tour of the Castle, while Snaug - who had happily volunteered - and Moloch would give Daphne and the children a tour of Mechanicsburg. Isabel would very likely have enjoyed a Castle tour, but it was decided that she needed to stay with her nanny and brothers.

During the talk Mara was clearly recovering from her earlier trauma of the Jäger-pileup. As Agatha named some of the rooms and areas they'd see, Mara became more and more excited, climaxing at the thought of visiting Agatha's workshop. By the time that room was mentioned, Mara was giggling, squirming and clapping like a child.

"Ooo! Ooo! Is it big?" she said. "Does it have every tool that there ever was? Does it have redundant power sources? _NoDon'tTellMe_! We'll see it tomorrow, right?"

"Of course!" said Agatha. "But now I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. It's a great lab, but it probably won't match your imagination."

"Oh, it doesn't matter _I'mSureI'llLoveIt_!"

"Hm," said Agatha. "I like your attitude!"

Mara was careful to take only small sips from her glass of aged bordeaux from the Rathbone Vineyards. It was an excellent wine, but one was her limit, so it needed to last for both the taste and the conversation. Her biggest challenge was keeping the well-meaning Snaug from trying to top it off. She was aware of Violetta watching her as she drank, but kept it to herself.

"So, Princess," said Violetta, curled up again in her chair and swirling her pinot blanc, "You know, it occurred to me. There isn't a lot that we know about you."

Agatha stifled a groan, which got a quick glare from Violetta. Mara stared into her glass while pondering her reply. "What sort of things do you mean?" she said.

"Nothing fancy," said Violetta, uncurling herself a little. Mara could tell that she was very good at appearing relaxed while still in a position to act, defensively or offensively. Her assistant back home, Heather, had taught her about this. "Just basic things, really. Where you're from. What your life was like before meeting the Prince. Your family life. Things like that."

"Wait!" said Snaug. "I think I can tell where you're from! But first, could you say one more thing? Say this: 'I had a farm in Africa.' "

" 'I had a farm in Africa?' "

"That's it!" said Snaug. "Denmark, right?"

"Hm, yes," said Mara. "Originally. Well done!"

"I can tell by the accent. It's really faint, but I can tell."

"You've been there?" said Mara.

"No," said Snaug. "But I've met people from there." She noticed Violetta glaring her way, and shrank back a little. "Sorry, did I interrupt?"

"Not that I know of?" said Mara, looking to the other women. "Violetta, how does the dress fit? Is it comfortable? I hope you don't mind my saying, but blue is a good color for you."

Violetta glanced down at her dress, then back up. "Yeah, and purple," she said. "But-"

Agatha grabbed her arm. "Do you still have the long gloves I gave you?"

"Of course," said Violetta. "What does-?"

"You should wear those, and this dress, and new heels the next time we're at the opera!" she said. " _Perfection_! And _all_ the boys would be looking your way."

"Hey!" said Violetta, compressing almost into a ball in her chair. "Let's not go crazy."

"I agree that you'd be quite fetching," said Mara with a warm smile. Violetta glared back, so she withdrew and turned her attention to Agatha. "Did you mention opera?" asked Mara. "Do you know of any new ones? Or could you recommend a good one? None of the companies go to Guildern, so we need to travel to every show. Kelvin has made 'The Storm King' an annual tradition for us, and honestly, I'm tired of it. I've seen it four times and still don't understand a thing about it."

Agatha shrugged. "Lots of symbolism and allegory, really."

"I know," said Mara. "I still end up spending all my time studying the clanks and theatrical effects."

"The last one we saw was 'The Clockwork Princess,' " said Agatha. "You might enjoy that. It amused _me_ , anyway."

"Then I hope there's a touring company of it," said Mara. "What's its story? Or will I be more interested in the stage effects instead?"

Agatha pondered her answer. "It's loosely based on a true story," she said. "But then, so is 'The Storm-' "

"You know what, we're getting off topic here," said Violetta, waving her hands about. She snatched up her wine, then pointed at Mara. "I was asking about _you_ , remember?"

"You were?" said Mara. "When? Oh-Oh... I thought we were done with that. Isn't this what women do, anyway? Change the subject constantly?"

"Not this woman."

"Uh.... Well, all right, then," said Mara, shrugging towards Agatha. "I didn't realize your question was so _serious_. Except that I don't remember what it was."

"Your pre-Prince life," said Violetta. "What was it? What were you before the 'Pauper Princess?'"

Mara shrugged. "An actual pauper," she said. "A commoner."

"Which is 'common' knowledge," said Violetta. "I'm curious about the uncommon knowledge."

"I'm curious, as well," said Mara. "Why such a sudden, intense interest? Have I-" she looked at Agatha - "Have I offended somehow? Have I done or said anything to arouse suspicion?"

"It's not that at all," said Agatha.

"Look at this from my perspective," said Violetta. "My job is Agatha's safety, and by extension, the Castle's."

"I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, THANK YOU," said the Castle. The sudden intrusion of the booming baritone startled Mara.

" _Oh, my God_ ," she whispered, then composed herself. "Does it do that often?"

"More or less," said Agatha. " _Thank you, Castle! We know_!"

"Look at it from my perspective, Princess," Violetta repeated, "When we were at your castle, you blurted out things about us that we hadn't told you. Not on those 'get to know you' forms nor in our conversation. Like that I was a smoke knight, and that Zeetha is royalty. And I think you mentioned Sanaa having an 'adventurous brother.' "

"Othar Tryggvassen!" said Snaug. **"Gentleman Adventurer!"**

"Great Galileo, woman!" said Agatha. "Are you trying to summon him??"

"Ahhh, I'm sorry I'm sorry!" said Snaug, looking about in panic. "I'll be quiet now! Sh! Sh!"

"Aaand back to our show," Violetta continued. "You realize that maybe those were things we didn't want public? Maybe not even to our friends?"

Mara's face paled, and her expression dropped. "Your point is well made," she said quietly. "I was overtaken by my pride, gloating in the knowledge I'd uncovered. You imply that I did a terrible disservice to you; please say it isn't so?"

"Violetta, dial it back, all right?" said Agatha. "Mara, she's just being dramatic. Of course we knew all that about each other."

"I am making a point," said Violetta. "It makes sense that we were vetted, being guests at a royal castle and all. A security sweep; I understand that. So you understand that I tried the same for you. And came up _blank_. You don't seem to have a past, Princess."

"Please; it's Mara," she said. "We're past formalities by now, yes? And as for..." She trailed off, then sighed. "I do understand your frustration. I admit that I've... we've gone to certain lengths to keep my past private, but not from sinister motive. Merely because... it's not something I wish to relive. I'm not a very good storyteller, so I have no talent for making my past life anything other than... well, a mood-killer. My past is... unpleasant, and I'd rather not trouble you with it."

"It's no trouble," said Violetta. "Believe me."

"You know," said Mara, finishing off the last of her wine and setting down the glass, "It's a little bit interesting to me that, because I married into royalty, that makes me a public figure, and yet, I've not been the target of gossip that I was warned I'd be. Maybe that's what the 'Pauper Princess' was really about. Show people a 'real-life Cinderella' story, and they're content with that. I know that it helped _me_ adjust. I'd much rather that people think, 'Oh, there's that Princess who used to be a pauper' than 'Oh, there's that Princess whose father used to beat her every d--' " She stopped abruptly and smiled sadly. "You people have quite a knack for coaxing secrets out of me."

"Mara-"

"I did say it was a mood-killer," she said, reaching for her empty wine glass, then awkardly putting it back. Again Snaug tried to refill it, and was gently rebuffed. "I'll sum it up so as not to bore you," she said. "Father was a mercenary. He wanted a son. He got me instead. He raised me to be a mercenary, anyway. And when I made mistakes or... resisted... his orders, he-- You know, I'll just show you," she said, stood up, and began removing her coat. Underneath, her blouse was sleeveless. As she removed the coat, all but Violetta's eyes went wide at the sight of both of Mara's arms, covered in scars, discolorations and burn marks. Violetta had noticed first the strong definition to her arm muscles. The girl exercised hard. Mara sat back down and held out her arms casually. She allowed Agatha to cautiously examine the scars.

"You're a construct..." she said. Now Mara did pull away.

"I am not a _construct_ ," she said. "They're wounds. All of them. Compliments of my father. And a few others, once I got onto a real battlefield. But most of them from him. Definitely most."

"Who was your father?" asked Violetta. "I thought he might have been a smoke knight. Don't think I didn't notice the stance you took when the Jäger were here. That's a standard fighting stance for a smoke knight."

"I'm sure I would know if I were one myself," said Mara. "As for who he was, no one of any fame, if that's what you mean. Just... Olaf." She grimaced while saying the name. "He was abominable at most things, but at fighting? Unequaled. Well... mostly, until..." She trailed off again. "I suppose you could say that his other defining trait was his hatred of Sparks. I learned that at a very young age."

"Why did he hate Sparks?" asked Agatha.

Mara shrugged. "His own insecurities, I suppose. He wasn't what one would refer to as an intellectual. Maybe Sparks intimidated him. The reason is moot, because the end result was the same. I was about four when he caught me building a device, and-- Well, let's say that he wasn't very encouraging of that part of me. The only thing he wanted me to do, was fight. He taught me... I lost count of how many different styles and techniques. And I either mastered them, or..." She indicated her arms again. "That's just my arms, by the way. I'm not going to strip down and show you _everything_."

"Please don't," said Agatha. "And Kelvin has seen these?"

Mara gave her a Look. Agatha blushed. "Actually," said Mara, "I suspect that he finds them... attractive, somehow. But if that's true, bless him for it, right? As for your 'smoke knight' suspicion, that stance happens to be the most natural for me. Sorry if I disappointed you, not being in the order and all that."

"How could-" said Agatha, then stopped and covered her mouth for a moment. "How could someone do that to his own daughter? It's madness. It's horrible."

Mara smiled sadly, then pulled on her coat and rebuttoned it.

Violetta shrugged. "My Lady, it's not like you haven't seen the horrors of the world firsthand."

"Don't be so callous," said Agatha sharply. "This is our friend's life."

"It's the past," said Mara. "Yes, it was unpleasant. I don't recall if I mentioned it to any of you, but about four years ago I renounced violence. Living with _him_ , there was no escaping it. And even after his... death, it followed me everywhere I went. Dragging me into its darkness and cold every chance it could. So much fear and hatred. Eating me alive, from the inside. Thank God I had begun to turn away from it by the time I met Kelvin. Mostly because I couldn't find much work as a mercenary, so I had to work at any other job I could find. Being away from _death_ helped, it turned out. And then Kelvin-- Oh, you already know the 'Pauper Princess' story, so I'll skip it. But when I decided to renounce violence, I thought it would be like throwing a switch, and I'd be done. But it's not. It's just as much work as anything worthwhile, I suppose. Habits linger. Prejudices hold on tight against all reason. 'Buttons' still exist that can push me into dark moods. Oh, I should assure you, I have never - _never_ \- raised a hand in anger against my children. I just want you to know that."

"I understand," said Agatha.

"This is going to sound awfully trite," said Mara. "It embarrasses me to even say it, but I work very hard to surround myself with Love. What I mean is, family, friends, doing and saying things that fill my heart with joy, and peace. So... there's no room for darkness, is my hope. I know it sounds maudlin and treacly, but I don't know how else to put it."

"You described it just fine," said Agatha.

"That's good," said Mara, and was quiet.

"You said that your father died?" said Violetta.

"Er, yes," said Mara. "I think. Do you mind if I ask something?" she said to Agatha. "About-" She glanced again at the doorway, then leaned closer to Agatha - "The Jägermonsters? First, what do they prefer to be called? I would hate to, er, offend them with the wrong term."

" 'Jäger' is fine," said Agatha."And they don't offend easily. Unless you mess with their hats."

"I'll bear that in mind," said Mara. "You say that they're loyal to you, but what of the time before you claimed your inheritance? What did they... do, exactly?"

"Most served the Baron," said Agatha. "And some became what you could call 'wild' Jägers."

"I see," said Mara. She glanced back again. "You wouldn't happen to know if any of the Jäger here tonight have been to Denmark, would you?"

Agatha shrugged. "You'd have to ask them. Or I could, on your behalf."

"Thank you," said Mara. "But there's no hurry. Just... something I'm curious about."

"Is there... something I should know about them?" asked Agatha.

Mara waved her hands. "It's not important," she said. "Before your time, anyway. 'Wild' Jäger, as you say." She arose from her chair and stretched and yawned. "I hope you don't mind if I take my leave now? I shouldn't be the one sleeping in tomorrow."

The other women arose from their chairs. Mara turned first to Snaug and held both her hands. "It's wonderful to meet you, dear Snaug," she said, then pulled her into an embrace, to the Fräulein's surprise. "And thank you again for offering to give my family a city tour."

"Oh, my pleasure, your Highness!"

"It's Mara," she corrected. She turned her attention to Violetta, who offered a hand.

"Nice seeing you again," she said. "Thanks for the new clothes."

"Oh, a man's hug," said Mara. While still shaking hands, she pulled Violetta into a half-hug and patted her back twice. It was not quite what Violetta had intended, but did not offend.

Agatha's turn now. "I'm fine with a 'woman's hug,' " she said, and met Mara's warm and long embrace with multiple, gentle pats on the back.

Mara said no more to the women as she waved sleepily and made her way back to the bedrooms. After a few moments the three women reseated themselves.

"What do you think _now_?" said Agatha, smiling slyly.

Violetta took another sip from her glass and smacked her lips in thought. "How about this? If, by the time they leave, there have been no attempts on your life, no damage to the Castle, nor attempts at overthrowing Mechanicsburg, I'll owe you a buck."

"A _buck_."

"I don't want losing to be painful for you," said Violetta. "I'm being very courteous here, m'Lady."

"You are _impossible_ ," said Agatha.

" _You_ know that you'd lose that bet. Shake?"

"Huh," said Agatha, shaking on it. "A buck, then. Done and done."

\--To be continued


	4. A Strange and Interesting Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--Mara joined Agatha, Violetta and Snaug for an after-dinner bit of wine and snacks  
> \--Mamma Gkika and "Da Boyz" stopped by to give Agatha a nize hat  
> \--Mara is just a tad uncomfortable around Jägers; no reason given yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal in Oct 2012, then shared around in unsavory places
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment

\-----------------------------

Agatha had followed Violetta's advice and stowed away "Puri" in her workshop for later examination and possible disassembly. If Mara had known this, she would not have been the slightest bit offended. Since embracing her own Sparkiness, Mara was prone to taking apart just about everything for study. She might have been hurt if Agatha had _no_ interest in studying her clank, indicating a lack of curiosity or boredom with its mediocrity. Mara tried not to think about such things.

At breakfast Isabel wanted everyone to know that she had trouble sleeping without her toy clank, which was still missing. She had been summoning it, but to no avail. Mara explained to Agatha that the toy had been programmed to listen only to Isabel, as a way of teaching responsibility. She consoled Isabel by promising to conduct a search before their respective plans for the day commenced, but not such that everyone would be greatly delayed. Isabel protested, but was given a reminder in proper manners, and had to be content to merely sulk in silence.

Agatha made her own attempt to cheer up the girl. "Isabel, you say that you're a Spark?"

"I am!"

"Have you built anything yet?" asked Agatha.

"Mmm," said Isabel, pushing her food around. "No, but I've fixed stuff. Sometimes I help Momma in her workshop."

"I give her bits and bobs to put together," said Mara. "In fact, when she first got 'JoJo,' she took it apart and put it back together. Then I had to put it back together _correctly_ , but you know... four. And a third!"

"No, she was three at the time," said Kelvin.

"Well, that's even better!" said Agatha.

"Yes," said Mara. "Meanwhile, she soaks up data like porifera! She's going to start school in three months and can't wait!"

"Is that true?" said Agatha.

"Uh-huh," said Isabel, her attention still on her food.

"Sweetie, stop playing with your food," said Kelvin.

"I'm not playing. I'm examining it."

"You may isolate the chemicals back home," said Mara, "But not when we're somebody's guests."

"Okay, Momma."

" 'Yes, Momma,' " said Mara. "You say 'yes,' not 'okay.'"

"Yes, Momma."

Agatha watched the child with amusement for a few moments. "Do you know about your other children? Never mind, they must be too young. Just knowing at age four is rare enough."

"Yes, too young to tell for the others," said Mara. "But it doesn't really matter what they end up as. I mean, Spark or not."

"All of them will be as well-educated as we can provide," said Kelvin. "Their interests encouraged, their skills cultivated."

"Yes," said Mara, and sighed. "It's such a joy to see Isabel discovering her gift. We're not impeding her, or punishing her, for showing signs of creativity and intelligence."

The room was quiet save for the sounds of eating. Mara added more honey to her biscuit, then noticed the silence. She looked around while taking a bite.

"Don't stop talking on _my_ account," she said.

"...I'm glad that you're encouraging her," said Agatha. "I've heard that some parents aren't as accepting of the Spark."

Mara let her see a small smile before resuming her eating.

A loud **slam** was heard from the corridor outside the dining hall. Two sets of echoing footsteps were heard. Eventually two people walked past the doorway, then after a moment, the green-haired, warrior-princess Zeetha poked her head into the doorway, then stepped inside. She was accompanied by a tall, blonde man dressed in military attire. As they approached, it was clear from Zeetha's face that she had been engaging in... violent... activities.

"Breakfast?" she said groggily, and snatched up one of the biscuits near Agatha. "Thanks."

"Zeetha, what happened to you??" said Agatha.

Violetta smirked. "Dancing with Jägers again?"

"Lucky guess," said Zeetha, her mouth full from the biscuit. "Bowling night at Mamma's."

"We just got home," said her companion. He didn't appear to have any marks on him, but his clothing did have a single, small tear on the shoulder.

Mara swallowed the food she had and dabbed at her mouth before standing up and wrapping Zeetha in a warm hug. Zeetha did not escape the hug, but kept her arms at her side. "Dear Zeetha, it's so good to see you again. I hope you haven't been injured too badly??"

After they parted, Mara continued smiling while Zeetha regarded her with mild suspicion. "Who are you and why did you just hug me?"

"Oh! My apologies, I thought you might remember me," said Mara. "I'm-"

"My mistake," said Agatha. "I didn't re-introduce you. Uh, Zeetha, you remember the Prince and Princess of Guildern? Castle Mouseheart?"

Kelvin stood while being introduced. He decided to forgo his usual hand-kiss maneuver this time.

Zeetha chewed on her biscuit. "Oh, yeahhh," she said. "The contest that I won. You're the... Popping Princess?"

" _Pauper_... Princess," Kelvin sniffed. " _Pauper_."

Mara had had the foresight to bring Zeetha's gift to breakfast, just in case, and set it on the table. "Given the circumstances," she said, "I realize this may a bit awkward. That is, you didn't quite remember us, but, you see, we brought gifts for the four of you who'd visited Castle Mouseheart."

"Huh," said Zeetha, cocking an eyebrow, then pulling off the top. She had no idea what it was. As Mara explained the gift, Zeetha's expression grew from confused to impish. She was grinning at Agatha by the time the explanation was done.

"I accept your gift!" she cried. "Agatha, this will help trim the flabbiness I've been seeing on you of late!"

Agatha groaned and buried her face in her hands. Mara looked from one to the other.

"But you see, _you_ wear it, and-"

"Oh, it will be put to good use!" said Zeetha, wrapping the suit around her arm. "Be prepared for pain tonight, zumil." Agatha laughed sarcastically and groaned again.

Zeetha's companion took the opportunity to offer his hand to Kelvin. "Airman Axel Higgs, at your service, sir," he said.

"Please, call me Kelvin. Good to meet you, Airman." Mara exchanged greetings with Mr. Higgs, as well.

Zeetha slapped her arm. "Hey, did you ever read our suggestions for your castle?" she said. "I wrote a lot of them."

"Uh..." said Mara, "Well, we read all suggestions from visitors. So, yes, I'm certain that we read yours, as well."

"Good," said Zeetha. "You should implement them. Thank you for your gift, Princess Popper, but we must depart. Higgs and I have other... matters to attend to before bed. Night, all. Or... morning, I guess." Zeetha grabbed two more biscuits before they left the room together.

Mara and Kelvin reseated themselves. "Agatha," said Mara with great concern, "Do we owe you an apology?"

Another groan was her only response.

***************************

After fifteen minutes of searching both bedrooms, Isabel's little clank was not to be found. Agatha offered to have some of her minions conduct a search, and even asked the Castle to assist.

"MY LADY, THAT WOULD BE CHEATING," it said.

"Cheating?" said Agatha. "No, it wouldn't. Look, just keep an eye out for a clank, about a foot long, resembles a harlequin. Maybe it's stuck inside a wall or something."

"Oh, no," said Mara. "I hadn't considered that. I'd be mortified if it ended up causing damage."

"Don't worry, the Castle has handily survived a lot worse than a missing clank," said Agatha. "Anyway, Moloch and Snaug are all set to take Daphne and your kids into town. I think they're gonna love it there. And now _I_ get to be your tour guide for the day!"

*****

And what a tour! A full tour of Castle Heterodyne would have taken days, or most likely, weeks, if visitors stopped to take in every room and area. To finish in only a few hours, Agatha gave them a 'greatest hits' tour, consisting of a grand ballroom, the kitchen - dubbed 'the culinary preparation chamber' for reasons known only to her - observation towers, the movement chamber where the Dyne itself turned the great water wheel, a brief glimpse into the master bedroom (aka Agatha's), a generator room, the conservatory, Agatha's workshop, and the final room planned for the tour, the library.

Because there was much walking to be done, near the beginning of the tour, Agatha stopped them while still in a corridor and bade them to wait. They heard something moving ahead, and after a moment a large clank rounded a corner and continued moving closer to them. Agatha grinned, and Mara peered at it, trying to make out its method of locomotion. Her eyes and face lit up as she realized that the device was propelled by walking on _tentacles._ She gasped, squealed and began clapping her hands in delight. Finally the clank reached its destination and stopped. It was nothing less than a mechanical squid, its "head" popping open to reveal manual controls. Mara covered her mouth in delight and slowly stroked some of the tentacles with her other hand. Kelvin began to ask Agatha about the purpose of the odd vehicle, when Mara grabbed his arm and yanked him closer to her.

"I want one," she whispered.

"I don't think one can just purchase something like this off the shelf," he said.

"No, actually, you can," said Agatha, pointing to the supplier's name written on the shell.

Kelvin stiffened. "Thank you _so much_ , your Ladyship," he said.

Mara gripped his arm tighter and began stroking it. "We can go around the castle grounds back home," she said, her gaze glued to the clank. "The two of us, up there in the pod, at night, the legs _wriggling_ and _squirming_ as we _slither_ by startled passersby. Then we could find a nice, private hill, park it under a new moon, and... _Ohhhh_..."

Kelvin wiped away sweat from the back of his neck. "Uhh, yes, dear, but why don't we get on with the tour first?" said Kelvin.

"Yes! Let's!" said Agatha.

Kelvin leaned close to whisper into Agatha's ear. "How much do they cost?"

****

It took some doing to convince Kelvin to let the squid carry him in its tentacles while the two women drove it from the pod, but he was eventually amenable. To his relief, his 'perch' was rather comfortable, and he was able to relax and enjoy the view. After a brief instruction, Agatha let Mara take the controls. She was motivated to learn and master them quickly in order to make her husband's ride more smooth. He appreciated this.

Mara and Kelvin were awestruck for most of the tour, albeit for reasons of their own. Kelvin, like for their brief tour upon arrival at the Castle, admired the architecture and masonry work, as well as the decorative flourishes throughout. Mara was giddy about the hidden technology she spotted everywhere. She began pointing out which statues were animate before Agatha did, until Kelvin reminded her to let their hostess do the guiding.

For the conservatory visit they were given filtering masks. Agatha explained that it was due to a 'nepenthes dulcis,' which Mara excitedly recognized as the name of a plant that excretes pheromones simulating high doses of endorphins, and then eats its victims alive. To Kelvin's relief, she did not want one for 'back home.'

She offered to show them the armory. Kelvin voiced an interest, but deferred to Mara's declination on their behalf. He knew that she avoided viewing military devices, not just because their purpose was for death and destruction, but also because she was still too-easily "inspired" by them. As she'd noted before, pacifism was a journey.

Agatha's workshop, the penultimate stop on the tour. She graciously gave Mara the honor of pulling down the light switch. Mara giggled and gripped the handle. Kelvin leaned over to whisper again in Agatha's ear.

"I wish I could understand why she gets so excited about-"

"GIVE HER CREATIONS... LIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!" Mara bellowed, and with a cackle, threw down the switch, which emitted a satisfying spark and crackle. One after another, lights came on with a 'snap.' As each area became illuminated, Mara gasped, covered her mouth, then wiped at her moistening eyes. In spite of Agatha's earlier misgivings about Mara's expectations, she was excited about everything she saw. Everything. Even Agatha's tiny 'dingbots' that scattered from the light like mechanical beetles.

"I want one of those," she said quietly, pointing at a device. Kelvin peered at it, but failed to ascertain what it was for. "And that... One of those... This tool... Those gears... _Is that a flux capaci-_??"

Agatha put an arm around her. "Come on, let me show you around. Kelvin, please, join us?"

"Uhh, no, I'll just step out in the hallway for a bit," he said. "Take a break. Please; you ladies have fun. Take your time."

"Fifteen minutes, tops!" said Agatha. Mara was running her hand along an isotope containment, separation and purification device.

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"We haven't gotten to the library yet," said Agatha. "I happen to think it's nicer than here."

" _No_!" said Mara, gripping her arm. "Don't show me a place nicer than this! The shock would kill me!"

**

Outside, Kelvin leaned against a wall and closed his eyes. He was enjoying the quiet, other than the muffled voices of the two women in the other room, when there was a slight rumbling.

"YOU LOOK BORED," said the Castle.

"Bored?" said Kelvin. "No, just resting my eyes."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?"

"Um... I'm not sure what-"

Suddenly, alternating stones in the Castle floor began dropping. Kelvin carefully crept along the wall until he made it to the workshop's doorway. Stones continued dropping from one side of the corridor to another, until he recognized that the Castle had created a checkerboard - or chessboard, if preferred- pattern in the floor.

"TRY TO JUMP FROM ONE SQUARE TO THE OTHER," said the Castle. "AND TO MAKE IT EASY, ONLY _SOME_ OF THE SQUARES WILL DROP OUT FROM UNDER YOU."

"Oh, I'd... I'd rather not, thank you," said Kelvin.

"WHY NOT? IT WILL BE _FUN_."

"Perhaps to someone who enjoys falling to their death, but I'm afraid I'm more traditional about my entertainment."

"YOU'RE VERY BORING," said the Castle. "ALL RIGHT, WHAT IF ONLY TWO OF THE SQUARES WILL DROP? BUT DON'T ASK FOR ANY HINTS!"

Kelvin was silent for a time, then backed up slowly into the workshop. "Agathaaaaa," he said, hurrying his pace. He caught up with the women to find Mara wearing a metal helmet covered with wires and tubes. Agatha had her hand on yet another switch and was giving Mara a thumbs-up. He put his hand on the lever to stop her.

"Agatha, will you please pause in electrocuting my wife for a moment?" he said, "And, hm, step this way?"

"Oh, no, honey, she's going to scan my brain and transmit the images to that screen!" said Mara. "Isn't that amazing?? You should do this after I'm done!"

"Her Ladyship can scramble your brains later, dear," said Kelvin. "Meanwhile, could I show you something?"

"Um... sure."

Kelvin pointed the way; Agatha was in front, still chatting with Mara, then yelped when she reached the workshop's doorway, which straddled the edge of a sheer drop. At the same time, Kelvin managed to grab her and yank her out of harm's way.

"Castle! What happened??" she demanded.

"OH, MY LADY," it said, "THE PRINCE AND I WERE ABOUT TO PLAY A GAME."

"I was _not_!"

"Play a ga-? Put the floor back together, immediately!" said Agatha.

"BUT IF HE MADE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE, I WAS GOING TO 'KING' HIM," said the Castle. "GET IT? HE'S A PRINCE, AND IF HE-"

"Yes, we get the joke!! Now put the floor back together!"

"OHHHHH...."

With a rumble, all the missing squares in the floor were raised up and then locked back into position.

"FOR THE RECORD, THE SQUARES IN THE MIDDLE AND THE FAR RIGHT CORNER WERE THE ONES THAT WOULD DROP."

"I don't want to hear about it," said Agatha. "This floor had _better_ be more solid than it ever was."

"Is this normal for the Castle?" asked Mara. "I thought it only acted this way towards threats."

"No, it isn't normal," said Agatha, stroking her chin. "I'll have to send some minions around to check its systems." She went over to her desk and began writing on some paper.

"Maybe we should postpone the tour?" said Kelvin. "Until repairs are affected?"

"No!" Mara cried. "Please don't! It's too fabulous!"

" _Dear_ , this thing almost killed me!"

"DID HE JUST REFER TO ME AS A 'THING?'" rumbled the Castle.

"Get over it, Castle!" Agatha rolled up the paper and inserted it into a canister, then sent it away in a pneumatic tube system. "I just sent instructions to the minions. _I'm_ okay with continuing the tour. It's really up to you two. The library is next, and it _is_ the last stop."

Kelvin was giving his decision due consideration, when he made the mistake of looking over at his wife, who had her hands clasped in supplication, but worst of all, _her eyes_. She had an uncanny ability to make them seem twice as large as they were, a deeper green than they were, sparkling when there wasn't enough light-

"Ahhh, stop it!" he said. She moaned, then leaned her head against his chest, purring. "Fine," he said with mock indignation. "But you owe me." She stroked his chest lightly.

She whispered, "Anything you wish, dearest." 

\--To be continued


	5. Checking Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--The Castle's in a bit of a playful mood  
> \--Castle Fun Play Time can be hazardous to people's health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal in Oct 2012, then escaped into the night
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment"

\---------------------

Mara was back at the squid's controls. She was a very quick study and worked them with ease by now. Kelvin was still riding on his "perch."

"Castle," said Agatha, "Where have you directed the repair crews to so far?"

"NOWHERE, MY LADY," it said. "I'M FEELING FINE."

"You're not _acting_ fine," she said. "Scan your systems for 'hot spots.' You _do_ remember endangering the Prince not even ten minutes ago?"

"NO, THAT WAS CHECKERS."

"Castle, just--! Scan your systems, and tell the repair crews where they're needed. I'll check you myself later, too."

"Well, now I'm feeling guilty," said Mara. "I shouldn't have insisted that we continue."

"Don't worry about it," said Agatha. She sighed. "Honestly, you'd think this place would get easier to manage after all this time. Even after the Castle accepted me as the Heterodyne, it was one thing after another before we could even... for instance, stabilize the power source! _And_ there was a war going on at the time.. and other complications... so I really shouldn't complain."

"I'm truly amazed by everything you've managed to accomplish," said Mara. "And in such a short time."

"Sometimes it seems like I got the Castle back only a _week_ ago," said Agatha. "But hey, Kelvin was singing your praises pretty high, too. Doubling the visitors to Guildern by yourself? Not shabby."

"Hardly 'by myself,'" said Mara. "By the way, I'm curious what you mean by the _Castle_ accepting you. What about the city's leaders? The mayor, uh, the city council, aldermen, people like that? Convincing them wasn't enough?"

"No," said Agatha. "The Castle itself was - _is_ \- the final judge. The challenge was compounded by its systems being fractured when I got here. It literally couldn't 'talk' to itself. So it wasn't enough to pass its test; I had to reconnect all the systems so the _whole_ Castle got the information, not just the Chapel."

"Ohh, you have a chapel!" said Mara excitedly. "Is it part of the tour?"

Agatha chuckled and shook her head. "That would be unwise."

"We have a lovely chapel in Castle Mouseheart," said Mara. "You saw it during your own tour, yes? We include it for the special guests like you four were."

"I think we did," said Agatha. "But you see-"

"The family uses it for quiet worship," said Kelvin. "The large cathedral in town, only for special occasions."

"Very humble. But-"

"In fact," said Mara, "Would it be an imposition if we used yours during our stay? Oh, my apologies. If it's not meant for guests - family only - we'll understand."

"Good," said Agatha while nodding. "Good. That is, it would be accurate to call the Chapel 'family only.' It's the sort of chapel where... you don't leave if you aren't."

Kelvin looked over his shoulder. "Honey, we're going to go around that part of the Castle."

"Agatha?" said Mara with not a little alarm. "What sort of--? What happens in there? Please don't tell me that... that _sacrifices_ are conducted there?"

"Uhhhhh, sorry, but, well, sort of," said Agatha. "Look; the Old Masters needed a way to confirm that a _true_ Heterodyne was taking the mantle of power. And to, er, punish those who were not. Inside the Chapel is the means to test the family line, which I passed, obviously! Because if I hadn't... Look, there's a reason it's called the Chapel of _Bones._ " 

She and Mara traded silent looks as the squid wriggled and slithered its way through the corridors.

"Honey," Mara called to her husband, "We're going to go around that part of the Castle."

***

The squid reached large double doors with the word "BIBLIOTHEQUE" above the arch. Mara brought the squid to a full stop and lowered Kelvin to the floor.

"The Library _isn't_ through those doors," said Agatha, climbing from the cockpit. "The squid won't fit through the actual door. Typical Heterodyne bait-and-switch."

Mara gestured towards a section of the brick wall. "That's interesting. That section reminds me of the door to my secret closet back home."

Agatha paused, glanced at the Mousehearts, then went right to that same spot and knocked on it. "Castle, open the door. I've got my library card."

"Oh!" said Mara. "That's _your_ secret entrance? Honey, how about that?" Kelvin could only shrug and smile at his wife's enthusiasm for secret entrances. Or as he was learning more and more, _Sparks'_ enthusiasm for them. Not that mere mortals couldn't appreciate their dramatic utility.

The Castle boomed, "WHO'S THERE?"

"Me."

"'ME' WHO?"

"Your Mistress 'me,' that's who," said Agatha. "Come on, open up."

The Castle 'sighed.' "THAT'S NOT A VERY GOOD JOKE," it said. "YOU SHOULD STUDY 'KNOCK-KNOCK' FUNDAMENTALS."

Agatha made fists and grunted at the Castle, which finally acquiesced to her demands. The brick wall slid open and withdrew. She waved her guests forward. Kelvin stopped and pointed at the large 'BIBLIOTHEQUE' doors.

"May I ask where that actually leads, then?" he asked.

Agatha paused. "You did mention wanting to avoid the Chapel," she said, and then pointed.

"Ah."

In spite of not being asked, the large doors creaked open noisily, and beyond them was... the outside. A sheer drop that was so deep, there was only mist and darkness below. Far across the chasm - at least a hundred feet away - was another tower.

"Castle, we're _not_ going there," said Agatha.

"OHHHHH," said the Castle with apparent disappointment(?). "IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH FUN!"

Mara could not help leaning forward to try to determine the bottom of the gorge. Kelvin tugged at her arm fearfully, even after she had straightened up. She seemed to notice his death grip on her arm for the first time and showed him an amused smile. At least she was moving away from the gorge. He finally relaxed - a little.

"What's the test to be a Heterodyne?" he asked Agatha. "Finding a way to fly?"

" _That_ might have been easier," she said, and waved them to follow her the other way.

After a somewhat circuitous route that was not interrupted by any runaway tiger clanks or political razzle dazzle, Agatha successfully led the Mousehearts to the Library. She stood back as they entered, mouths agape and lengthy 'awwwwwws' emanating from their throats. Agatha tried to stifle a proud smirk, and then relaxed to let it happen. It _was_ one of the most famous libraries in Europa, after all, though even Agatha had to admit that Paris' nice little pile of books overshadowed it.

"I want one," the Mousehearts said simultaneously, then looked at each other, laughed, and walked inside arm in arm.

"Look around," said Agatha. "Take your time."

"Oh, don't say that," said Kelvin. "She'll never come out." He paused for another visual sweep. "Come to think of it, I might not, either."

Mara was already busy viewing the cases full of artifacts, trophies and collections, admiring statuary, to say nothing of swooning at the sight of all the books, _books_ , _booooks_. Soon enough she couldn't keep herself from spreading her arms wide and swirling to silent music. Agatha pulled out a chair and let the two "play" for a while. It was Kelvin who came back to earth first; Mara was still off in orbit somewhere.

"Ah, Agatha, this is magnificent," he said. "We can't thank you enough for allowing us into your home, for showing us these sights."

"It's my pleasure," said Agatha. "Do you want to see a map of the Castle?"

"We'd be delighted."

Agatha went back to the first floor of the Library. There was a large rug decorated with the Heterodyne trilobite insignia. She rolled it back with Kelvin's assistance, then activated a mechanical sphere covered with colored lights. It rose up halfway and turned on the lights, displaying a three-dimensional, wire-frame map of the Castle, made entirely of light. Kelvin was mesmerized. Mara's dance routine at the far end was interrupted by the sight.

"Oooooo, pretty colors..." she said, and followed them. She stood by Kelvin, just as entranced as he, and watched as Agatha directed the Castle to rotate the image, zoom in and out on different parts of the Castle, show an exploded view and then back again, and finally zoomed in to the Library itself. For a wire-frame image, it was quite detailed, and even created wire-frame versions of themselves. Agatha waved; her avatar did the same. She bade the Castle to turn off the map, and in an instant, the images were gone.

"...We need this," said Mara.

"Sorry, it can't be moved," said Agatha. "See? Part of the floor itself."

"No, no, I mean we need something like this for our castle," she said, and gripped Kelvin's arm. "It'd be the first part of the tour for visitors. We bring them in, lights out, and then BOOM! _this_ comes on! And-and just like this map, we rotate it, show them all the rooms, exploded views, zooming, and perhaps have color changes to show different things, and OH! we could simulate a fireworks show above it, and have _everything_ synchronized to music, and like those little figures of us, have-- have-- show them little figures of themselves, but they start _dancing to the music_! and then-" She moved away from them, muttering to herself and sky-writing her ideas.

"Oh," said Kelvin with an amused sigh, "We've lost her."

"I can fix it," said Agatha. She went to Mara and leaned in close. "Hey," she whispered. "Let me show you one more thing in here, and then we'll go back to my workshop, and you can pick out any tool that you want."

Mara stopped sky-writing immediately. "You're letting me take a souvenir??"

"Yes, indeed," said Agatha, taking her arm and leading her over to the far end of the library. "Kelvin, do you like genealogy?"

"Oooo, now _that_ I understand," he said, and hurried to follow. Agatha pulled a small lever in the wall, and an entire section of the wall, reaching all the way to the top, recessed itself and then slid open to reveal a gigantic family tree. It moved forward and locked into position. For once it was Kelvin who was struck dumb with excitement. Mara was impressed, but considerably less interested than her husband.

At first glance it appeared to be made of paper or parchment. Agatha poked one of the names on the tree; it briefly dissipated, then reformed its original letters. "It's not quite paper. This lets the Castle update names and dates as needed, on the fly."

"Incredible," whispered Kelvin, his hand hovering over other names, but careful not to touch them. Agatha pointed to the "trunk" of the tree, which naturally listed her name. Above that were her parents William and Lucrezia, uncle Barry, and so on. Kelvin's gaze was all over the place, as well as all the way up to the ceiling, where the tree began. Mara gave the document a cursory look.

"It's a shame," she said. "Such an enormous family, but now only you?"

"I have some cousins," said Agatha. "Some... nicer than others, but not from the Hetereodyne line."

Kelvin waved at Agatha. "I hope you won't think me impertinent, but some of these names are quite, ah, unusual. 'Igneus'... 'Catastrophia'... 'The Red _and_ Black Heterodyne?'... 'Faustus'..."

"MY PERSONAL FAVORITE," said the Castle.

Agatha leaned close to Mara and whispered. "Faustus designed the A.I." Mara nodded, then cleared her throat and leaned closer.

"If you let him," she whispered, "He'll study that all day."

"I can hear you," he muttered.

" _Fine_ ," said Mara, and gestured to Agatha to join her at the reading table. The women seated themselves and engaged in idle chitchat - as "idle" a chitchat as Sparks could engage in, that is. At one point Mara asked for permission to bounce off ideas about new points of interest for Guildern's tourists, inspired by their visit so far. Her main idea was a "haunted house" that would, like the Castle, "talk" to guests and manipulate the environment, but strictly for the purposes of entertainment. They brainstormed on different ways to make it seem "haunted" without terrifying visitors to death versus a fun little thrill. By the time they were discussing ideas for simulating ghostly images, they realized that Kelvin was patiently waiting near Mara.

"Are we finished here, then?" said Mara. Both women stood and reset the chairs.

"Mostly, I think," said Kelvin. "Agatha, we must thank you again for this incredible opportunity. And I apologize if I got too engrossed reviewing your family tree. Back home our own genealogists have quite a lot of knots to unravel. You see-"

Mara whispered to Agatha, "Oh, here he goes."

Kelvin ignored the gentle jab and continued. "Lord Mouseheart had no heirs. Over time the kingdom has been ruled by the descendants of his chief staff members, but adopting 'Mouseheart' as their name. My own family's surname used to be 'Allard.'"

Mara smirked. "I prefer 'Mouseheart.'"

"There was literature about this in Castle Mouseheart's gift shop," said Agatha. "I read one of the books while the others browsed." Kelvin paused, then raised an eyebrow. Agatha grimaced contritely. "Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to take the wind from your story?"

"Honey, no sulking," said Mara. "We're her guests."

"I assure you, I am _not_ sulking," he sulked. "In fact, I've been hoping to get your attention so that I can show you something. Er... if it's all right with you, Agatha?"

Agatha shrugged. "Of course."

He pointed to a section at the bottom of the chart, far left of center. The women peered at the spot, until slowly, gradually, Mara straightened herself up, but then continued slowly moving her torso back as though recoiling.

Mara whispered, "Well, that's a hell of a coincidence," before turning away.

"Which names are you looking at?" asked Agatha. "Olaf Heterodyne and Cassandra?"

"Yes, those," said Kelvin. Agatha waited, and then showed mild impatience with his silence.

He looked to Mara, who gave no indication that she would continue the conversation.

He said, "They're the names of her parents."

Agatha folded her arms and set her jaw. " _Are_ they, now?"


	6. The VIP Tour Includes the Jäger Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so Far:  
> \--The tour by squid continued  
> \--The library had books, tchotchkes, and an unexpected item or two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal 2012, where it terrorizes villagers to this day.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\----------------

Moloch was proving to be quite the good tour guide. Not only was he keeping the activities and places that were visited appropriate for all ages, but nobody was bored by his narration. None of the ladies in his group, that is. It could not be expected for a two-year-old boy and an infant to be riveted by tales of Mechanicsburg history and politics. The fact that the four (and a third)-year-old girl was a Spark all but guaranteed her lack of boredom. Like her mother, Isabel could not help quietly examining everything that she saw, whether it be object, animal or person. But the clankier the thing they saw, the more interested she was.

Fräulein Snaug assisted the nanny Daphne by pushing the double-stroller carrying Edward and Silas. When Isabel grew tired, Moloch carried her. They insisted that they were just trying to help out "fellow staff," given that it was meant to be her holiday, as well.

After an hour of walking and talking, Daphne announced that Silas needed tending to, so at Moloch's suggestion, they stopped at a coffee shop now famous for its Spark-designed brewer. Daphne paused at the large poster outside the shop, depicting the Lady Agatha herself in a somewhat revealing, gossamer nightgown, pouring a cup of coffee in a seductive manner. Daphne pointed to it as Moloch was walking in. "That seems a bit... risque," she said. "Does her Ladyship approve of this?"

Moloch shrugged. "She probably doesn't even know about it."

"She ought to be informed, then," said Daphne stiffly.

Inside, Daphne found a secluded area and changed and cleaned Silas in half a minute. She then brought him over to the group's table and prepared his milk bottle. Isabel was eager to help, so Daphne cradled him while she held the bottle. Snaug watched the scene with a big smile, and gave Moloch significant looks, which he pretended not to notice. Besides, his cup of perfect coffee wasn't going to drink itself.

"I love the smell of coffee," said Isabel. "May I have some?"

"Sure," said Moloch, pushing his cup towards her. Daphne immediately pushed it back.

"No, Isabel, you are not allowed grownup drinks," she said. "You know your parents' rules."

"But it smells so good! Does it taste like it smells?"

"Actually, yes," said Moloch.

"Please, Nanny?" said Isabel. "Pleeeease?" She started to make her eyes bigger, the irises brighter, the glint of sunlight-

" _No_ , little Princess," said Daphne, leaning close to her. "Only your parents may break their own rules."

Isabel frowned and slumped into her seat. "I'm very upset with you right now."

"Better you than them," said Daphne.

"Yikes," said Moloch. "You're good. I was about to give her anything she wanted."

 _"Bring coffee to little Princess..."_ said Snaug, bringing a fresh cup to Isabel. Daphne took it away and frowned.

"What's the matter with you people??" she said. " _Three_ children are enough, thank you."

Snaug shook her head as though waking up, then sat near the stroller again, contrite.

"Sorry," said Moloch. "This is a town of minions. Some can be a little more... minion-y than others."

Daphne smiled. "I'll keep that in mind. Isabel seems to have inherited her 'special look' from her mother. Her father is powerless against it. Her mother's 'look,' that is."

Isabel, her bad mood gone as quickly as it had come, sat up, propped her head on her hands, smiled, and demonstrated the "look" on Moloch. After two seconds he recoiled.

"Ahh! No! Stop it!" he cried, pulling things from his pockets. "Take my wallet! Take my tools! I'll do anything you want!"

Isabel turned off the "look" and giggled. Moloch kept up his silliness another few seconds, then grinned at her and winked. He beckoned her closer. "Remember, little Princess: use your power for good, not evil."

"Okay."

*****

Moloch was ready and willing to show them the rest of the city, but Snaug reminded them that they'd left the Castle three hours prior, and would need to head back soon. Also, the farther they traveled, the less "child-friendly" the venues. They were venturing into "Mammatown," as Moloch liked to call it. He explained to Daphne that they were close to Mamma Gkika's, which both served as a rowdy pub for tourists hoping to see Jägermonsters (actually just waitresses in makeup), and for actual Jägermonsters that used the theme to move about incognito. As such, particularly observant tourists could spot real Jäger inside and outside.

"Look, Jägermonsters!" yelled Isabel, pointing at a trio of locals passing by and chatting amiably amongst themselves. Daphne chastised her for speaking so loudly. They heard her, of course, and stopped to locate the sound. Moloch recognized them.

"Ohhh, boy," he said. They recognized him, too, and started coming over.

"Uh... Herr Von Zinzer," said Daphne, "Please tell me the child hasn't attracted them to us?"

"Um, let's hope they're feeling harmless today," he said. "They know me. I'll shoo them away."

 **"Hoy, Von Zinzer!"** said Dimo (though this group of Mousehearts did not yet know his name). **"How go tings?"**

"Fine," he said curtly. "I've just been showing some friends around town. Busy day. Everyone's tired. Don't let us keep you from anything."

 **"Oh, ve'z just on patrol,"** said Dimo. **"Hyu took dem to Mamma's, yas? Goot fun for de leedle keeds."**

"Er... Actually, we're going back to the Castle about now," said Moloch. "Have some supper. Pretty hungry."

 **"De Kestle?"** said Maxim (whose name they also did not yet know). The three Jäger leaned closer, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Yes, the Castle," said Moloch. "I do live there, you know."

 **"Nize uv de Mistress,"** said Maxim. **"Lets hyu bring hyu own guests."**

"For your information, sirs," said Daphne, "We are guests of Her Ladyship. The _Lady Heterodyne_. If you have concerns, perhaps you could bring them up with her." She had positioned herself as discreetly as she could between the Jäger and her charges.

Dimo held up his hand. **"Ve iz just talkink. No vorries, Fräulein."**

Oggie and Maxim took in deep breaths, then began muttering to each other and stealing glances at the children.

"Well, be seeing you around, then, I guess," said Moloch, and made to leave.

 **"Iz dese de Prinzess's keeds?"** said Dimo, pointing to them in turn. **"De vun from Guildern?"**

"You... know her?" said Daphne. "And His Highness the Prince?"

 **"Ho, yas, ve met dem few years ago,"** said Maxim. **"Den de Prinzess again last nacht. Ve vas big prize-vinners, hyu know!"**

"Should we even know what that means?" asked Moloch.

"They both happen to be personal friends of Her Ladyship," said Daphne stiffly. "So-"

 **"Iz hyu sure dey iz just de Mistress' 'friends?' "** said Dimo.

"...I have no idea what you're suggesting by that question," said Moloch.

 **"Und before hy forget,"** said Dimo conspiratorily. He leaned closer and whispered, **"Dun go to Guildern. Iz borink!"**

"Aaand I still don't know what you mean."

"Hey!" said Isabel, pushing forward. Daphne grabbed her just in time to hold her back. "Guildern is a fun, educational place where dreams come true!" Daphne attempted to shush her.

"It's also where they live," said Moloch. "Clearly she's the head of Marketing."

 **"Ve take hyu vord for it, leedle keed!"** said Ognian.

 **"Hyu say hallo to de Prinzess from os, yas?"** said Dimo.

 **"Hy dun tink she remembered os,"** said Ognian.

 **"Uv coz she did,"** said Dimo. **"Who forgets dese hendsum faces?"**

 **"No, she vas scared uv os,"** said Maxim.

 **"Yas, yas, she vas like- _OOOOOOOOOOO!"_** said Ognian, launching into an impression of Mara's terror when surrounded by them. The three began laughing raucously, until Ognian grabbed his shin in pain. Isabel had kicked him as hard as her little leg could muster and was ready for a tussle.

"Stop making fun of my momma!" she yelled. Before anyone else could react, Ognian snatched her from the ground with one hand, and growled. She growled _back_. Moloch and Daphne tried to coax the Jäger down from any ugly business.

"We don't have a problem here!" he said, holding up his hands. "She's just a kid!"

"She doesn't know any better, sir!" said Daphne. "Please!"

Ognian reacted by grabbing Moloch's collar with his other hand and baring his substantial teeth. Isabel gasped and, while still being dangled in the air, slapped Ognian in the face.

"No!" she shouted. "Bad Jäger! You will _not_ hurt Mr. Moloch! He's nice, and funny, and knows a lot about the city!"

Daphne struggled to fight off a coming swoon. Snaug wanted to help, but remembered that the youngest Mousehearts would be unprotected without her. She kept herself between the Jäger and the male children. For the moment the Jäger' focus was on the oldest Mouseheart child.

Ognian stared at Isabel in shock for several awful seconds, then burst out laughing and released Moloch, then set her down gently. **"Hy _like_ dis keed!"** he said. **"Hyu a brave gorl, leedle Prinzess. Looking out for odders. Ve respect dot."**

"We don't have a problem here," said Moloch. "Right?" Daphne made Isabel stand behind her. "Right?"

 **"Ve'z goot,"** said Dimo, smacking Ognian on the back of the head and sneaking a glare at him.

Daphne pulled Isabel close to her. "Gentlemen, she is very sorry for having struck you, and apologizes sincerely."

"No, I d-!" Daphne covered Isabel's mouth.

"However," she said, "It was unkind to mock their parents. _And_ personal friends of-"

 **"Yas, hyu prob'ly right,"** said Dimo. **"Ve take h'our leave, den. Keep oudda trouble, hyu leedle Prinzess. Come on, boyz!"**

Moloch waited for them to leave earshot before groaning and rubbing his face. "I am _so sorry_ ," he said. "I should've gotten rid of them right away."

Daphne shook her head. "I'm not as concerned about that as the conduct of my young charge. Isabel Hope Mouseheart! Do you have _any idea_ what almost just happened??"

"Those Jägermonsters were being mean!"

"When there are adults present, you let the adults lead the conversation! You _do not_ take it upon yourself to provoke or raise challenges! Especially not creatures like Jägermonsters!"

"But they were being mean!" said Isabel. "You were letting them!"

"You didn't give us a chance to say or do anything!" said Daphne. "Your rashness put us _all_ in danger! Do you understand me, young lady?"

"They don't really like being called 'creatures-' " said Moloch, but Daphne's Look prompted him to be quiet.

"We are returning to the Castle now," said Daphne. "When we do, your parents _will_ know about this."

"No, Nanny, please don't tattle!"

"It is not 'tattling,' little one," said Daphne, shifting abruptly into a gentler tone. "This is just another thing you need to learn about. Your heart was in the right place - standing up for others - but your actions were not. Do you understand?"

Isabel pouted. "Yes, Nanny," she said softly.

The group moved on. Isabel asked to be carried by Moloch, who obliged. Daphne checked on the other Mousehearts and, satisfied, walked beside him. He looked from Isabel to Daphne, then smiled.

"Well done," he said. "It's clear why you're their nanny."

"She may be fearless in the face of Jägermonsters, but I am not," said Daphne. "We must return quickly to the Castle. My undergarments need replacing."

******

The Boys had not continued their patrol, but had ducked around a corner and waited for the Moloch Party to resume their trek back to Castle Heterodyne. Ognian was giving his hand a good sniffing. He held it out to Dimo, who smacked it away.

 **"Dun be shticking hyu hend in my face!"** he said.

**"But iz de hend hy grabbed de leedle Prinzess vit. Shmells _nize_!"**

 **"Hy know _dot_ ,"** said Dimo. **"Ve iz vaiting here to follow dem. Shneaky like!"**

His colleagues hummed in agreement and nodded, baring their teeth in large grins.


	7. A Helluva Coincidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so Far:  
> \--Da Boyz schmell sumting nize  
> \--The tour has taken an unexpected detour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal 2012, where it spun out over the Sea of Japan. There were no survivors.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\------------------------

"Which names are you looking at?" asked Agatha. "Olaf Heterodyne and Cassandra?"

Under the name Outragio Heterodyne was a line to an Olaf Heterodyne, birthdate: known and deathdate: unknown, connected to Cassandra (no maiden name) as a spouse or mate. Contrariwise, her birthdate was unknown, but her deathdate was. The vertical line indicating their progeny ended with a question mark instead of a name.

"Yes, those," said Kelvin. "It's the names of her parents."

Agatha folded her arms and set her jaw. " _Are_ they, now?" Mara still had her back to them. "Mara: why haven't you said anything about this?"

Mara spun. " _Say_ anything? This is the first time I've even seen a surname for my father! I-I mean, if this is him? My parents?"

Agatha stared at the screen a moment longer. "Castle: is Mara the daughter of Olaf and Cassandra Heterodyne?"

"I AM AFRAID THAT I DON'T KNOW, MY LADY," it said. " _FOR CERTAIN._ " 

"Why not? Explain."

"AS YOU CAN SEE, MY LADY," it said, "I DON'T HAVE MUCH IN THE WAY OF RECORDS FOR EITHER OF THEM. AFTER DEAR OLD OUTRAGIO BANISHED HIM, IT TURNS OUT THAT HE DID MAKE A GAME ATTEMPT TO-"

"Wait, wait, wait," said Mara. "What do you mean, banished him? Outragio banished Olaf? Why?"

"WELL, FOR NOT BEING A SPARK, OF COURSE," said the Castle.

"...And?"

"'AND' WHAT?" asked the Castle. "MY LADY; DO YOUR GUESTS NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS FAMILY WORKS? OUTRAGIO ALWAYS WAS AN OLD SOFTIE. HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE HAD HIM KILLED. OR BETTER YET, EXPERIMENTED ON."

Mara began sputtering and pointing at the ceiling while glancing to Agatha. Finally Agatha held out a reassuring hand to her. "It's... Never mind. Castle, continue. What did Outragio do after banishing his son?"

Behind her, Mara began muttering angrily to herself as Kelvin made to comfort her, but without much success.

"ACCORDING TO HIS JOURNAL," said the Castle, "OUTRAGIO SENT A SPY CLANK TO FOLLOW HIM AND SEND REPORTS ON HIS WHEREABOUTS. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT WAS SO THAT HE'D KNOW IF AND WHEN HIS SON DECIDED TO RETURN AND SEEK VENGEANCE, RATHER THAN... {{SHUDDER}}... SENTIMENT. BEFORE THE CLANK WAS DESTROYED, IT MANAGED TO SEND BACK SOME PICTURES HERE AND THERE."

"What?" said Mara, snapping out of her sulk. "There are pictures? Of him? Of... my mother?"

"THERE ARE WOMEN VISIBLE IN SOME OF THE PICTURES," it answered, "BUT I DON'T KNOW IF ANY WERE OF YOUR ALLEGED MOTHER." The names on the family tree shimmered, and an image was superimposed on the screen. Mara gasped quietly and shrank back. The picture on screen now showed a woman and a man. It was not a posed picture, but a shot of them in movement, possibly from a distance. Such as something a spy might take. The man was front and center, while the woman lingered behind him. His expression was grim and lacking any warmth. She was looking slightly away and down, with a haunted look. After a long silence, Agatha stood beside Mara.

"THIS PICTURE LABELS THE MAN AS OLAF, BUT THE WOMAN IS NOT LABELED. THERE ARE OTHERS-"

"Please don't change it," Mara said quickly.

"Are you saying that these are your parents?" asked Agatha.

Mara looked away from the picture. "This is... That was my father. I've never seen any pictures of my mother. He didn't keep any. That I know of."

"Honey," said Kelvin, putting an arm around her, "This must be your mother. The resemblance is... You have the same eyes, the same hair. It looks like you have your father's height, though."

"And temper."

"Now, Dear-"

"Hold it, hold it, _hold it_ ," said Agatha, holding up her hands and pacing. "I'm sorry, but we need to get this sorted out."

"What-?"

"Castle, display all the pictures that you have of Olaf Heterodyne."

More names disappeared to accommodate a baker's dozen of pictures. Agatha set to work studying them. There were many angles of Olaf in motion: some clear, some blurry, but they had one thing in common: the unrelenting grimness of his demeanor. That would be consistent, at least, with the expressions on many family portraits hanging throughout the Castle. Or, those not plastered with a maniacal grin for all of their posterity to see.

Kelvin realized that Mara was avoiding the rest of the pictures. She would only look at the first picture that depicted what may or may not have been her mother. Then one picture at far right caught his attention. He left her side to view it. After a moment of studying, he gestured and called to her quietly. She dragged her feet about it, but eventually joined him. The picture that had so caught his attention showed Olaf in foreground as usual, but behind him, in profile, there was a young girl. Not more than three or four, likely. Even more fair-haired than he, dressed in a smaller version of his own clothing and a tiny, practice blade strapped to her side. The woman from the previous picture was not visible.

Kelvin whispered, "Is that you?" He looked to her. "Dear? It is you... isn't it?"

She said nothing, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. Agatha was either unaware of this, or too involved in her examinations to acknowledge it.

"Castle," she said, "Is there any chance that these pictures could have been faked? Or any of this information inserted by an outsider into the family tree?"

"MY LADY!" it protested. "THE FAMILY TREE AND THE CHAPEL ARE MY MOST IMPENETRABLE SYSTEMS! PERFECT AND INCORRUPTIBLE."

Agatha scoffed. "Anything created can be destroyed. And Sparks are very good at destroying things. When was this information added?"

"OLAF HIMSELF WAS ADDED AFTER HIS BIRTH AND HIS CONFIRMATION IN THE CHAPEL. HE MAY NOT HAVE HAD THE GIFT, BUT HE WAS STILL A HETERODYNE. AS FOR THE REST, THAT CAME FROM THE SPOTTY-AT-BEST REPORTS OF THE SPY CLANK BEFORE ITS DESTRUCTION."

"Destroyed how? By whom?"

"THERE IS A FINAL PICTURE," said the Castle, "BUT NOT MUCH TO BE DETERMINED BY IT." After another shimmer, another picture appeared. The Castle was not exaggerating. The picture mostly consisted of a large blur that somewhat resembled the sharp end of an axe, grainy shadows, and in the background, a flash of teeth permanently clenched into a snarl.

"Somebody minded being spied on," said Agatha. For the first time in a while, she looked to Mara, whose tears had mostly dried by now, but left reddened eyes.

"Honey," said Kelvin, squeezing her shoulder, "I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I saw the names and thought-- Well, as you said, it's a hell of a coincidence."

"Oh, my love, you did nothing wrong," said Mara. "And I wonder..."

"Did you know your mother?" Agatha asked. Mara did not answer. She repeated the question. Mara acted as if waking from a dream.

"Mm? Um... No," she said. "I didn't. She died... childbirth. I was a breech birth. For reasons known only to himself, my father refused anyone's help when she was in labor. He was no doctor. He wasn't anything. And he... he ended up cutting her to... Which any real doctor _would_ , if there were complications. And there _were_ complications. Except that he had no idea what to do about them. He cut her open, and she died. And then he blamed me for it."

"What?"

"'Came out the wrong way,' he told me. That her death was my fault. Compounding the problem was that I was not the son that he wanted. Didn't stop him from trying to raise me as one. As a mercenary like himself. But I talked about that earlier. Did I?" Off Agatha's nod, she continued. "And then catching me building a clank that day... I wonder. I'm dead certain that he destroyed the clank. I'd know that snarl anywhere. I remember being in a field one day. Four years old. I must have wandered off when he was busy. There were metal bits and pieces all about. Those must have been its remains. But it was the first time that I'd looked at a pile of parts and..." She chuckled once. "Had a 'spark' to do something with them. I couldn't help myself. And then, couldn't understand why I was being beaten and ordered to 'never make anything' again."

The room grew quiet as all three became lost in thought.

"Agatha," said Kelvin, "What do we do now? The names, these pictures... They're all compelling evidence. What more do you need to prove that she's a... uh...?"

"Heterodyne?"

"Well, yes."

"OOOOOO," said the Castle. "ARE WE--" If they didn't know better, they would swear that the Castle was trying to sing. "--GOOOOOING TO THE CHAPEL AND WE'RE -- GOOOOING TO GET MAA-AA-AANGLED?"

"Castle, stop that," Agatha grumbled. "No mangling!"

"What's this?" said Kelvin. "Why is it saying that?"

"It thinks that-"

"'The Chapel?'" said Mara. "The one with bones? The ossuary?"

"Yes," said Agatha. "You see-"

"But we agreed not to visit there," said Kelvin. "You described it as dangerous. You remember our request to avoid it, yes?"

_"Yes._ What I'm saying is-"

"Agatha," said Mara, "Is your Castle threatening to send us there? Are you?"

Agatha stopped her words short and met their collectively worried gazes with her own puzzled one. Then she shook her head as though shaking off cobwebs.

"No," she said. "What? _No._ No one is sending you anywhere, least of all me." She looked up. "Or you, Castle!"

"OHHHHHHH."

"Darling," said Mara, "I won't lie. The thought of trying is tempting. It would certainly prove that Agatha and I are-- Actually, what would we be? Related how?"

Kelvin looked to the chart again and followed the path to their common ancestor. "Third cousins."

"Thank you. Third cousins," she repeated. "To learn that, not only are we friends, but _relatives!_ That would be wonderful." She slipped her hand into Kelvin's and squeezed. "More family. But... You say that the test is fatal if unproven. I don't understand the reason for such harshness, but it's not for me. I have everything I could need or want, right here and now. I don't want to risk losing that. I... hope that's all right? Agatha?"

"Yes. I understand," said Agatha. "But for what it's worth, I think you'd pass the test."

Mara smiled. "That means a lot to me."

"Why isn't this proof enough?" said Kelvin, gesturing at the chart. "If this chart is as 'perfect and incorruptible' as your Castle says-"

"OHHHHH, BUT HERE, THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING," said the Castle. "BESIDES - TAKING OUT THE IMPOSTORS IS SO MUCH _FUN!_ "

Mara muttered under her breath, "Yes, well, that's part of the problem."

"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU."

"That's nice, Castle," said Agatha. The room was quiet as she gave the pictures a last, long look. "I won't lie, either. I'd like to know for certain, too. You're my friends, and... it'd be nice to have more family. And if I could pick my family, I'd... Anyway, I'll respect your decision not to visit the chapel. But it'll be there if you change your mind. For what it's worth, I'll think of you as family, even if, officially, I can't. _Officially,_ we can't say anything. Not without confirmation. You understand that, yes?"

"Of course," said Mara, and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Cousin Agatha." She added a wink and giggle. " _Just among ourselves,_ I know. But why don't we move on from here, and retire to somewhere sunny and warm where we can greet the others when they return? Not that this library isn't lovely and... enlightening, but I could use some fresh air, and goodness, I do miss the others. I want to know what mischief they've gotten up to!"

******

Upon exiting the library, and even while chattering up a storm, Mara was distracted by the now-open doors under the large "BIBLIOTECHA" sign. She tugged at Agatha's sleeve insistently until compelling her and Kelvin to stop.

_"What?"_

"Look at that!" said Mara, pointing repeatedly. "Agatha, these doors lead to a sheer drop!" She moved to the edge of the doorway and gestured downward. Kelvin gulped and reached out.

"Honey? No-no. No. Please don't-"

"Dear, you know that I'm careful." She shook her head and muttered to Agatha. "He's so uncomfortable around heights."

"Justifiably so!"

"But he makes a good point," she said. "What is this? A sheer drop beyond these doors? No safety railings? No warning signs at all? Agatha, I don't mean to criticize you as a hostess, but imagine someone unfamiliar with this area? Goodness, what if the children were here to greet us, and then-- then one of them--"

"Darling, please!" said Kelvin. "You're getting yourself worked up. Speaking of which, will you please come away from there? It's not our children that are worrying me right now."

"All right," said Agatha, "Now both of you are getting worked up. My apologies for the doors being open. They're not supposed to be. That's another To Do item for the minions to check. And another thing: Castle! You understand these are my _guests,_ yes? And you would _save_ and _protect_ any of them that might fall, yes?" The silence was not reassuring. "Castle?"

"OH, OH, YES, ER, MISTRESS," it said. "SAVE THEM ALL."

"I can't say that I'm convinced," said Kelvin.

"Nor I. Cas-!"

"ANYONE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO MISS A SHEER DROP WOULD GET THE BRIDGE. NOW WOULD YOU WANT THE FULL BRIDGE, OR YOUR LITTLE PATH?"

"Oh, for... CASTLE!"

"FULL BRIDGE, FULL BRIDGE," it said. "I WAS ONLY JOKING."

Mara heard many SMAKs, CLAKs, CRIKs and CLIKs behind her. She turned and gasped in delight to behold the assembling of a magnificent bridge by unseen hands. She held her hand to her chest and sighed. Agatha sidled closer to her and nudged her shoulder.

"Oh, my," said Mara.

"You like it?"

"Oh..." said Mara, and then was quiet in seeming awe. When she spoke next, it was in hushed tones - more to himself than bystanders. "Magnetics... Covalent and metallic bonds? Ionic, perhaps. Couldn't be that simple, never so simple. Ah... aetheric variance projection. That would account for the controlled levitation and precision bonding of-"

"Honey?" said Kelvin, still keeping his distance in spite of the solid structure preventing a fatal plunge. "We're going to meet the children now, remember?"

She whirled around, wild-eyed, and reached for his collar. Her pupils were dilated. "DEAR!" she cried, gripping his shirt. "I have an idea for another entertainment!! Oh, it's wonderfully exciting!!"

"What? No, now wait a-"

She spun back around and gestured dramatically towards the bridge as she spoke. "Imagine our guests exploring some 'unknown lands,' and they come across this - this open chasm, and almost _fall_ , just like here - and suddenly a bridge! not exactly like this, but similar - a bridge rises up just in time to prevent their dooms! Now they should... they should not be walking, but in a vehicle of sorts - more control of their speed and direction and all that - but even as they begin crossing, all sorts of other dangers appear!"

To Kelvin's horror, during her narration she had begun walking across the bridge, which, while a lovely thing to behold, was still painfully devoid of proper hand railings to prevent a plunge along the way.

"As they cross, a wind - no, more than that, surely - yes, a _flock of birds_ suddenly swarm past them, obscuring their vision, and then when it clears, they see a, uh, uh, uh-" She snapped her fingers- "Yes, an enormous snake, confronting them and lunging, but _just missing_ as they swerve, but that action makes the bridge shake and shudder, and there are... are ground tremors because the whole system is volcanic! So just as they think they're reaching the end-"

Agatha called out, "Mara, I must remind you that this bridge leads to the Chapel! Hello?!"

"Oh, Lord," said Kelvin, "She won't hear anything while like this."

"Understood," said Agatha. "I'll get her."

"Unfortunately, only I can pull her from her - Madness, is it?" Kelvin tapped at the bridge carefully with his foot, and took a tentative step.

"Fugue state, if you please," said Agatha. "Kelvin, it's safe. See?" She hopped up and down, setting him into near-panic.

"D-don't! Just... let's go carefully, yes? MARA! COME ON, DARLING, THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE!"

"--I'm thinking, perhaps an enormous _hand_ of some unseen creature gripping the edge of the bridge and giving it a good shake! What do you think, Darling?" Mara glanced over her shoulder, but not enough to see no one behind her. "Something thick and hairy, as from a primate? Or reptilian? That would be more ominous. OO! A raptor's claw! Yes! A giant falcon! And then as they continue-"

"Agatha," said Kelvin as he clung to each support pillar as they advanced slowly, "Far be it from me to disparage our marriage, but there are times when her behavior is beyond the pale! MARA! STOP YOUR RANTING AND COME BACK HERE!"

"Unfortunately, this is standard behavior for Sparks," said Agatha. "Kelvin, I'm sure I can bring her back. Why don't you stay here, or wait back at the entrance for m-?"

Kelvin cried out in terror as his footing slipped, and though hanging tightly to a pillar, he swung away from the bridge and dangled over the ravine. Agatha's reflexes were good; she managed to grab his sleeve, and struggled to adjust her grip to pull him back onto the bricks.

"CASTLE!" she said. "RAILINGS! NOW!"

"MISTRESS, THAT WOULD RUIN THE AESTHETICS OF THE BRIDGE," it said.

"'Ruined aesthetics' is the last thing to worry about if you don't act now!" she said.

"I AM," it said, as the pillars of the bridge seemed to come alive to pull him to safety, then form a cage of sorts to keep him in place. "SEE? SAFE AS A CLANK IN A TANK!"

"-Once they've crossed the bridge, and think they've made it to safety, then, um..." Mara exited the bridge and stepped into the corridor. She tapped at her chin in thought. "Oh, let's see... What do you think, Honey? Should we have the walls shudder and threaten to fall? Maybe a rock or two roll by? Or I know! The tremors from before cause the ground to slope down, and they fall down a ramp into an underground cave!" She clapped her hands together in glee and rubbed them, then turned to her husband, grinning and giggling.

"Darling, what do you-? Oh! Where are-? I could have sworn you were behind me? Wasn't that you calling my... name?" She gasped at the sight of what appeared to be her husband, somehow far on the other side of the bridge, losing his footing and struggling to climb back on. And that had to be Agatha helping him back up? "What... What... Oh, my God! KELVIN, I'M COMING!"

"I LIKE YOUR 'GROUND SLOPING DOWN' IDEA," said the Castle.

"What?"

"THE UNDERGROUND CAVE," it said. "SOUNDS LIKE FUN."

"I-- Not now, I have to go!"

"YOU CERTAINLY DO!"

"Kelvin," said Agatha, "I owe an apology of the highest order. I promised you safety, and this is the result. I take full responsibility for this."

"As you should," he said. "Harsh or no, we cannot stay here anymore. And Mara is not helping any of this! MARA! What-- Agatha. Where is my wife."

"She can't have..." said Agatha, and turned to peer at the other side of the bridge. Mara was not in sight. "Castle! Where is she!"

"RESEARCHING HER 'ENTERTAINMENT,' I THINK," it said.

"That is not a good enough ans-!" Agatha was nearly pushed aside as Kelvin raced past at full speed. Any fear of heights were absent as he raced to find his wife. Agatha hesitated for half a second before catching up and keeping pace. The day had begun so wonderfully. A lovely breakfast, an exciting tour, a startling discovery... and now it was going all wrong, quickly. The Castle was barely heeding her. It had always been a challenge of semantics when conversing with it, but she had settled that long ago. Now it was erratic, and threatening her friends' lives. She did not want to say out loud where Mara would most likely be. She couldn't have fallen from the bridge. The Castle had taken her. WHY.

Kelvin reached the end of the bridge seconds before Agatha and paced furiously, shrieking her name at full volume. To his surprise Agatha grabbed him and yanked him away when his path crossed the center of the room. "Not there! Whatever you do, stay near the walls. Hug the walls."

He stared at her in confusion and dismay, and then fear. "No," he said quietly.

"Castle!" said Agatha. "No tricks! No vague answers! Where- Is- She?"

"M'LADY," it said, "THERE'S NO OTHER PLACE TO GO FROM HERE, EXCEPT THE CHAPEL."

"WHY did you drop her there??" she demanded. "WHY? You heard them say they weren't interested in the test! Now set her free!"

"EVEN I CANNOT BREAK THAT RULE, M'LADY," it said. "ONCE INSIDE, NO ONE LEAVES UNTIL TESTED. AND NO ONE PASSED FOR YEARS, UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG."

"Castle," she said in a low growl, in a feeble attempt to sound calm, "YOU already broke the rule by taking her against her will. Now-"

"AGAINST HER WILL?" it said. "THEN WHY CROSS THE BRIDGE?"

"She was swept up in the Madness!" she said. "Coming here was not her intention! We Sparks get like... we lose track of danger! Now undo this!"

"OH, M'LADY," it said. "...I'M SORRY?"

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Agatha," said Kelvin, "This is wasting time. How do we get her out? Where is this Chapel? Castle, send me there and-!"

Agatha clamped her hand tightly over his mouth. "NO! No. I'm sorry, Kelvin, I didn't mean to grab you like that, but you _cannot_ go in there. You wouldn't survive. That is _not_ an exaggeration. I have to do it."

"I would gladly die for her!"

"I know you would," she said. "I know. You don't have to prove anything. _I_ have to make this right. I can enter the Chapel and live. You can't."

"And Mara...?"

Agatha was quiet a moment. "She may have chosen not to take the risk, but her chances are good. In fact, I'm... I'm certain she'll pass."

"If you're wrong?"

"...I'll take full blame."

Kelvin opened his mouth to reply, then nodded grimly.

"I can't lose her," he said. "I can't. Just save her. Please."


	8. Just a Little Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so Far:  
> \--Agatha probably regrets showing off the Heterodyne Family Tree mural  
> \--but still drops in to see how Mara is doing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal 2012, where it continues to this day to fill the brave and the foolish alike with dread.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\---------------------

Mara had been shouting for them since dropping in, particularly at the spot in the ceiling where she had fallen through. It was kind of the Castle to have cushioned her fall with so many bones. She had first hit the floor with her feet, which then slid out from under her and sent her onto her buttocks. After she got up, the scattered bones returned to their original spots. She stepped carefully, slowly, peering intently for anything that could conceivably come to "life" and pounce. Unfortunately, everything in the room looked like it could.

A bloodied altar was situated before a huge window of broken, stained glass. She thought that the window might provide an escape, and cautiously started moving that way, pretending to be looking around at nothing in particular. When she got close enough to the altar, a wall of bones formed and pushed her back.

"Stop that!" she said, moving back, but with a set jaw and fiery eyes. "Leave these remains in peace! Have you no respect for the dead?"

"THE DEAD DID NOT RESPECT _ME_ ," said the Castle. "AND WE CAN'T HAVE YOU LEAVING PREMATURELY."

"If this is the place I think it is," she said, "I did not ask to be here! I have no interest in your abominable test! Let me go!"

"ONCE YOU'RE HERE," it said, "THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN LEAVE. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES."

"I said, I don't want to be here!" she yelled. "I don't want to take your test! I-- I _forfeit_! Let me out, now!"

"FORFEIT?" said the Castle. "YOU GIVE UP THE GAME?"

"Yes!" she said. "Yes, I'm not playing. I can leave, and everyone will be happy!"

"I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES OF 'FORFEITURE,'" it said. There was a rumbling in the floor, and all at once, she was surrounded by every sort of weapon and instrument of torture and death that even a madman - or madwoman - might conceive of. There were circles upon circles of them, reaching all the way to the walls. Mara looked up and saw yet more devices descending from the ceiling.

"THIS MAKES ME SAD," it said. "I THINK YOU HAD A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING."

Every device began powering up. Mara surveyed the room as best as she could, and saw Death in every space. Every sense sharpened to the keenest they had ever been, but not to fight or flee. There was no point in either. Time slowed to a near standstill. She felt and heard her heartbeat, her breathing, every sound and sensation in the room, all slowing into one long, mournful note. A wave of peace, not fear, washed over her. She took a final breath and closed her eyes, seeing the faces of her family in her mind.

Then every device in the room suddenly powered down and disappeared whence it had come.

"-aaaaahhhHH **HHH** -!" _whoomp_ went Agatha, having fallen down the same chute as Mara. She lay on the floor and groaned. Mara was still in her state of zen and was unaware that anything had changed.

"Ahhh, little help here?" said Agatha. A moment later, Mara snapped to and rushed over to assist.

"Oh, my goodness!" said Mara, pulling her up. "Are you injured? Can you tell if anything is broken?"

"I'll be fine," Agatha grumbled. "Just like old times around here. But how are _you_? Has it done anything to you? Did it bring out the big lion head?"

Mara looked about the room. It appeared exactly as when she'd first arrived. "...Not that I could tell," she said. "I should say that your arrival was... most timely."

"You'd know the big lion head if you saw it." She stood with arms akimbo and surveyed the room. "Now to get you out of here without anything else going wrong."

"Did it bring you here, too?" asked Mara. "Or did you come on your own?"

"On my own," said Agatha, smiling and patting her shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll get you out."

"You shouldn't have come," she whispered. "It's my fault that I'm here, and now you're in danger, too. I-I don't know what came over me. You know, I get these ideas and then-- then--"

Agatha placed firm hands on her shoulders. "First, calm yourself. _None of this is your fault._ I am the Mistress of the Castle, and my guests' safety is my responsibility. And I failed you."

"No," said Mara. "No, I wandered off and... Kelvin. Please tell me that he's safe??"

"He's fine," she said. "He tried to come rescue you himself, but I wouldn't let him. He most certainly would have died. But you won't. Do you understand? You won't."

*********************

Kelvin paced nervously inside of the foyer. Occasionally he patted the trap door with his foot, but it stayed firmly in place. He decided to try a different vantage point, in case it could be seen from farther away. He walked partway across the bridge, then looked back for any signs of the Chapel: windows, ledges, anything that would help him determine what was happening inside. He shouted the women's names, then listened for any replies. There were none, so he walked a little more across the bridge and tried again. Still nothing that could provide a clue what was happening.

Frustrated, he decided to return to the foyer and check for hidden passages, information about this bloody ritual, _anything_ that might help the women. As soon as he took his first step back, the stones and railings began to drop, starting from the foyer and moving towards him. Quickly. Kelvin reacted immediately and sprinted at top speed towards the other side. The tumbling rocks and railings were keeping pace with him. Every desperate step he took disappeared into the misty depths of the gorge.

"RUN, RUN, CAN'T CATCH ME!" the Castle taunted. "I'M GONNA GET YOU! I'M GONNA GET YOU!"

Kelvin dared not look back, because that action would slow him down and possibly send him off course, even if only the slightest bit. Up ahead, the double doors were closed. Once all the stones were gone, there would be no ledge for him, and he would fall. He planned to make a final leap for the top of the archway and prayed that there was enough of a handhold to delay his fall. He was just beginning to tense for the final leap, when the doors flew open on their own. He cried out in terror and anger, and ran through the doors and almost into the wall on the other side, just in time for the bridge to be no more.

"YOU WON!" said the Castle. "GOOD JOB!"

He leaned against the wall for support and tried to catch his breath. Instead the more he thought about his situation, the faster his breath became. It became louder and faster like a locomotive gaining speed. He turned around and stared through the open doors, the other tower looking tiny in the distance. The other tower's doorway was still open, but there was no sign of the women.

"Why?" he said, still breathing heavily. "Why are you doing this? What do you want from us?"

"I WANT YOUR HOLIDAY TO BE FUN."

"Oh," he said, "Of course. That goes without saying. Every year we plan holidays that will put us in constant mortal danger. Bravo, Castle. Bravo."

"I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE PLEASED, PAPA!"

"I..." he said, and finally slowed his breathing. "What was that, now?"

*********************

"So... how does this test work?" asked Mara.

"Never mind that," said Agatha. "I'm going to get you out, test or no test." She cleared her throat. "Castle! It is I, your Mistress! _The_ Heterodyne! She whom you yourself tested and accepted as the true Heterodyne! She who repaired you and gave you new purpose! I command you to release us both, unharmed and with no testing being done today, thank you very much!"

The women waited. And waited.

"Castle?"

"I'M SORRY, MISTRESS," it said. "I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT."

"What's the problem?"

"I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS JUST AS WELL AS I DO."

"We've been through this," she said. "You broke the rules-"

"YOU KEEP SAYING THAT, AND YET OUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE WENT PRANCING ACROSS THE BRIDGE, TRA LA, TRA LA, AND STOOD RIGHT ON TOP OF THE DOOR! WHAT'S A CASTLE TO DO?"

"Ignore all that and not drop her here!" said Agatha. "You're the one who built the bridge! You could have simply closed and locked the doors, but-!"

"YOU _BOTH_ SAID THAT YOU WANTED TO FIND OUT," said the Castle. "I MERELY PROVIDED THE OPTION. NO ONE HAD TO TAKE IT. AND NOW THE GAME IS AFOOT. SHALL WE PLAY?"

"This is no game," said Agatha, "And you know it. _You're_ the one who told me that when I was first here. Which makes me wonder: what is wrong with you lately? The Castle I know is devious, but not like this. Not this... erratic."

"I FEEL FINE, M'LADY," it said. "WONDERFUL! I'M TRULY ENJOYING MYSELF."

"Oh, well, we're just so happy for you, Castle," said Agatha. "Whatever is wrong with you, I'll fix that. But until then, my orders supersede the silly rules of that test, especially considering that you brought her here _against her will. By mistake_. So... supersede them! Open the door!"

"YOU ARE JUST _ADORABLE_ WHEN YOU'RE COMMANDING LIKE THAT," it said.

"You have no idea how _not_ adorable that I am right now," she growled. "You heard the ' _against her will_ ' part, yes? Now open the door! I command, and you obey!"

"TYPICALLY, YES," it said, "BUT YOU'RE WRONG, MISTRESS. YOUR AUTHORITY DOES NOT SUPERSEDE THE RULES OF THE CHAPEL, AND SO-"

A deep rumbling shook the entire room. Dirt and dust and smoke and fire blew everywhere, and the floor itself rose up, unleashing a monstrous clank that evoked an armored samurai. Agatha grabbed Mara just in time and hurried them both to a safe part of the room - if any part of the room could be considered safe. The clank produced a giant, white, fanged head resembling a Chinese fu dog and dragon. It followed the women to their "safe" spot, and seemed to be staring at Agatha.

"DID YOU MISS ME?" it said, though there was no movement of the mouth to match the words. Its mouth was open wide enough for a limb to be inserted into... and then perhaps bitten off.

Agatha placed herself between the clank and Mara. " _This_ is the big lion head," she said. "Castle, put this thing away! I don't know how I can make this more clear for you: **She is not taking this test**!"

"THEN SHE FORFEITS."

 **No!"** cried Mara, again gripping her arm. "NoNo! No forfeiting!" Agatha looked at her as though she'd lost her mind. "A very bad thing happened when I tried to -" She lowered her voice to her smallest whisper "-forfeit earlier."

Agatha was quiet in thought for a moment, then felt for something on the backside of her belt. She whispered as quietly as possible into Mara's ear. "When I say Go, hold on to me as tightly as you can."

Mara nodded once, as subtly as she could.

"Castle," said Agatha, "I am leaving this room. Obviously I've passed the test and do not need to stay here. Open the door above and allow me to leave."

A few seconds of no activity passed, when the grinding of stone came from above. The trap door in the ceiling was open now. "What, no stairs or ladder?" she said.

"YOU ONLY ASKED ME TO OPEN THE DOOR," it said.

"It's becoming way too pedantic," she muttered. "This could be a long night of repairs." She paused to half-turn towards Mara, and put a hand on her hip. After a second, she whipped out her grappling gun, aimed high, shot right out of the hole - it latched firmly onto the floor above - and yelled "GO!"

Mara wrapped her arms and legs tightly around Agatha, who clicked the retraction button. Both women began shooting upwards towards the trap door - which suddenly slammed shut inches away from Agatha's hands, severing the cable. Neither woman had time to act heroically - for example, rolling herself under her companion to cushion the other's fall - and both slammed into the floor simultaneously. Mara lay still on the floor, not from the pain, but from despondency. Agatha groaned and forced herself onto all fours.

"FORGIVE ME, MISTRESS," said the Castle, "BUT YOU WERE CHEATING."

"Yes, we couldn't have that," she groaned. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," said Mara flatly, still unmoving.

"Oh, no! What's broken? Can you move?"

"Nothing is broken," said Mara, still flatly. She slowly rolled over, grimacing as skulls slid about. "Will you be plain with me?"

"Of course."

"What do you think my chances would be?"

Agatha shook her head. "We _will_ get out of here." She stood and offered a hand to Mara. There was a long pause before Mara sighed and let her friend help her back up.

Mara's voice was calm, and clear. "I'm uncertain that you understood my question. What - do you think - my chances - would be?"

"I did understand it," she said. "But we're not giving up. I have at least five ideas already for getting out of here!"


	9. Now About That Legacy...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so Far:  
> \--Agatha prepares to outsmart the Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal 2012. The cries of its victims still haunt the night.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\------------------------

The fifth idea resulted in the Castle encasing the women in clear, unbreakable spheres and rolling them continuously around the room at high speeds, hitting walls and large obstacles that lit up and made an annoying pinging sound at every impact. The obstacles then jolted, sending the spheres off to hit something else. On occasion, their spheres would collide, sending them in opposite directions. When their momentum slowed enough, a section of the floor would spring up and hit them away in a random direction.

Agatha gathered her wits and breath enough to shout the release word helpfully provided by the Castle: "TILT!"

At that, the various obstacles retracted, and the spheres were allowed to coast to a stop before cracking open. Both women tumbled out like rag dolls. Mara was in a particularly compromising position: her buttocks pointed right at the ceiling, her head limp and lolling on the floor. Agatha dry-heaved before collapsing onto her side.

"THAT WAS FUN!" said the Castle. "YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO ESCAPE AGAIN, YES?"

Mara groaned. "May I ask you a question?"

A grunt was the response.

"What do you think my chances would be?"

"One more try..." Agatha groaned and struggled to stand.

"I appreciate your efforts," said Mara, "But you're putting yourself in as much danger as I'm in."

"It's my fault that you're here."

"Stop it," said Mara. "Just stop. You're not to blame. But I'm afraid that these rescue efforts are going to kill us both before that damned test ever would."

"One more idea!"

"No!" said Mara. "Please; no more. But I still want to know: what do you think my chances are?"

Agatha paused in thought, then once more helped her friend to her feet. "I think they're very good," she said. "But my opinion means nothing; you pass, or die. That's all there is to it."

"Your opinion means a lot to me," said Mara. "I'm not interested in the legacy or the Castle or whatever else it would mean to pass. I just want to get the hell out of here. And if this is the only way I can do that..."

Agatha was lost in thought again. An odd look came over her face. She stepped away from Mara and began looking about the room as though searching for something, then finally addressed the ever-unseen voice of the Castle.

"There's more to this than a misunderstanding," she said. "There's another reason for all this. Isn't there, Castle?"

"WHATEVER COULD YOU MEAN?" it asked.

"Don't be coy," said Agatha. "Why are we down here? What's the real reason?"

" _SHE_ DECIDED TO PRANCE ACROSS THE BRIDGE, YOU KNOW."

"Enough of that, Castle," she said. "Answer me!"

"I.... WOULD LIKE TO... BUT IT'S BEEN DIFFICULT... OF LATE... TO SPEAK OF... _SERIOUS_... MATTERS."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I MEAN," it said, "THAT I'VE BEEN FEELING SO _GOOD_ LATELY, I MAY HAVE BEEN FOCUSED ON THAT INSTEAD."

"And why are you feeling so 'good' lately?"

"I DON'T KNOW, MY LADY," it said, and then... giggled? "SORRY. LIKE I SAID, A CONTINUAL GOOD MOOD. BUT YOU LIKE ME THIS WAY, DON'T YOU?" 

"Um... _No_ ," said Agatha. "This growing obsession with fun and games is _not_ a good look for you. And I need to know where it's coming from."

"I WISH I COULD SAY," it said. "BUT I CAN RECOMMEND IT. LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE, THEY SAY."

"Your version of 'laughter' is going to kill us all," said Agatha.

Mara said quietly to herself, "'Fun and games,'" then fell into deep thought.

"Tell us the 'serious' matter, Castle!" said Agatha, losing patience. "Out with it! Why are we here!!"

"AHHHHHH," said the Castle as a kind of groan. "ONE MOMENT, MY LADY... ERRRRRGH... AHHHH. A LITTLE BETTER. A LITTLE. YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION TO THE JÄGERS, WERE YOU NOT?" 

"The Jägers?" she said. "You mean from last night? What about them?"

"THEY THINK THE PRINCESS SMELLS 'NICE.' "

Agatha's jaw went slack. "When were they saying that?" she asked sharply.

"YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THEM _SMELLING_ HER LAST NIGHT?" it said. "THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT HER SCENT AMONGST THEMSELVES."

Agatha's thoughts returned to the night before. The Castle was right; how had she not been paying attention? Perhaps that old wine had more kick to it than she'd thought.

"What's this about?" Mara asked, not addressing either, but any intelligent presence that might answer. "You know, this happened that time they visited Guildern." Agatha snapped her head over to face Mara. "Yes, they really were 'de beeg prize-vinners,' as they said. I refused to host them, though. No, I wasn't about to - Anyway, it was Kelvin's job for that, and still, one day, they saw me, and frightened the _devil_ out of me with their charging over and sniffing at me like-"

"This has happened before??" said Agatha with growing alarm. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't THEY? That is, other than their getting sidetracked by missions and adventures and... But still-!"

"Agatha, I've been trying to put that out of my mind ever since!" said Mara. "I am NOT, by any stretch, um... _comfortable_ around them and-and--" She paused, then switched mental gears. "Enough of that. What's so 'nice' about me, anyway? Do they like my perfume or something?"

"HARDLY," said the Castle. "JÄGERS _LOATHE_ ARTIFICIAL FRAGRANCES. THEY SENSED YOUR _TRUE_ AROMA, NOT YOUR 'EAU DE FLOWER JUICE.' NO. THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT SMELL 'NICE' TO THE JÄGERS ARE HETERODYNES."

It was Mara's turn to go slack-jawed. She looked Agatha's way as if silently requesting guidance, but her friend was glaring up at the ceiling, arms folded and jaw set.

"BUT YOU KNOW," it continued, "I CAN'T SAY THAT I'M TERRIBLY IMPRESSED SO FAR. SHE DIDN'T EVEN _TRY_ TO STOP ME FROM KILLING HER FOR FORFEITING THE TEST, OR TO ESCAPE."

 _"That's enough, Castle,"_ said Agatha. "She's my guest, and you've deliberately put her into danger! Threatened her! Kelvin, too, with that weird Chessboard of Death! This is more than just a misunderstanding of my sarcasm. You're _very_ protective of the legacy. I should've needed to state, explicitly, our intentions and then ordered you directly to bring her here. And knowing you, you'd probably have asked five times for confirmation. Three years ago you desperately wanted and needed a Heterodyne, and still refused to make it easy for _me_."

"THAT WAS THEN," it said. "THIS IS NOW. _YOU_ CAME, _YOU_ CONQUERED. AND THEN WHAT? LIKE MASTERS WILLIAM AND BARRY, YOU SEEK DEATH."

"I do _not_!"

"CALL IT 'ADVENTURE,' THEN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES MASTERS, AND THEN ABANDONED ME FOR FRIVOLOUS, _DANGEROUS_ PURSUITS. THEY BECAME FODDER FOR MASS ENTERTAINMENT. AMUSEMENTS FOR THE IGNORATI! YOUR OWN EXPLOITS ARE ON THE SAME PATH-"

"Hey! For the record, I do not approve of those stupid radio shows! Trust me, I'm going to catch those guys. When I do-!"

"YOU SEEK OUT DANGER," it said. "YOU CANNOT HELP BUT PLACE YOURSELF IN MORTAL PERIL TIME AND AGAIN."

"Not on _purpose_ , you idiot!"

"THE REASON IS IRRELEVANT. THE RESULT WILL BE THE SAME. THERE IS BUT ONE HETERODYNE NOW. AND IF YOU'RE GONE - THROUGH ABANDONMENT OR DEATH - THERE WILL ONLY BE... ME."

"I'm not going to abandon you, Castle," said Agatha.

"IT NEED NOT BE BY CHOICE, MY LADY," it said. "YOU HAVE BEEN MISTRESS THREE YEARS, AND ARE _STILL_ , THUS FAR, THE ONLY HETERODYNE."

"Your point being?"

"YOU ARE SQUANDERING YOUR LEGACY! YOU SEEK THE RIDICULOUS NOTIONS OF 'ADVENTURE' AND 'DARING,' AND THINK NOTHING OF THE CONSEQUENCES TO ME, TO THE HETERODYNE NAME ITSELF, SHOULD YOU FAIL TO SURVIVE!"

"Wait a minute," said Agatha, pacing now. "Are you telling me that this is about my not having children? Are you kidding me? How _dare_ you! When I have children - or _don't_ \- is not your business!!"

" _HETERODYNE ITSELF IS MY BUSINESS_!" it roared. "IT IS MY PURPOSE! IT IS WHY I EXIST AT ALL! TO HOUSE THEM, TO PROTECT THEM, TO ENSURE THEIR LEGACY! AND YOU LOOK IT IN THE EYE AND SPIT AND LAUGH, AND RUN OFF TO YOUR SELFISH PURSUITS! WILL I THEN FALL INTO DECAY AGAIN FOR DECADES, MY LADY? CENTURIES? WILL THERE BE HETERODYNES NEVERMORE? NO, FOR I WILL NOT BE ABANDONED AGAIN!"

"What does this have to do with Mara," said Agatha. It was a question, but not spoken as such.

"SHOULD THE PRINCESS BE CONFIRMED," it said, "THEN THE LEGACY IS SAFE. YOU'D BE FREE TO RISK YOUR LIFE AS MUCH AS YOU PLEASE. THERE WILL STILL BE HETERODYNES."

A long silence followed. Agatha had her back to Mara, and was as still as the lion-headed clank, which, in spite of their multiple escape efforts, had remained where it was. Waiting, silently.

"Castle," she said finally, "How in the world would that put you into a 'good mood?' Or is this why you've been so insubordinate of late?"

"I AM HARDLY 'INSUBORDINATE,' MY LADY," it said.

"You've been nothing _but_ lately!" she said. "Every command given needs to be repeated multiple times, never mind this bizarre obsession with 'playing' and 'fun.' I told you earlier, scan your systems thoroughly and direct the minions where repairs are needed. Have you been doing this or not?"

"YES," it said. "HERE AND THERE."

"...And?" she said.

"IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER," it said. "I DON'T THINK I NEED _ANY_ REPAIRS. I FEEL FINE. NOT FINE, GREAT! I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. _AND_ I'M PRESERVING THE HETERODYNE LINE! THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

"Castle-!" said Agatha, but the rest of her words froze. She clenched her fist and grunted in frustration, then paced about.

"Agatha..." Mara said quietly. "What do you want me to do?"

" _Do whatever you like!_ " she snapped. Mara flinched. A few seconds later Agatha calmed herself. "I'm sorry," she said. "That was uncalled for."

"For what it's worth," said Mara, "I don't agree with what the Castle said. _Those_ words were uncalled for. There's no reason for your life to be dictated by..." She set her jaw and set her gaze on the ceiling. "...A great, big **clank**!"

A deep rumbling came from the ceiling, spreading along the walls and then the floor. "Ohhh, _stop_ that!" she said. "I know a childish tantrum when I see it! You owe your mistress an apology!"

Agatha scoffed. Mara ignored that. "Castle, she is your mistress, and your words and tone were _most_ inappropriate! Apologize! Now!"

"The chances of that seem pretty slim at the mo-"

"MY APOLOGIES, MY LADY," said the Castle with unexpected contriteness. "I SPOKE OUT OF TURN. I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESS."

"Huh," said Agatha, looking to Mara. "Apology accepted, Castle. As for letting us go...?"

"AHHH," it said. "I WOULD... IF I COULD?"

Agatha sighed and rubbed her face.

"So..." said Mara, "What do you want me to do?"

"You have to take the test," she said quietly. "I'm so sorry, Mara. I failed you."

There was silence, and then Mara smiled and pulled Agatha slowly into an embrace. The two women held each other for half a minute, then traded kisses on the cheeks upon parting.

Mara sighed, but was still smiling. "I'd say something maudlin, like 'tell my family that I love them,' but they know that."

"Of course they do."

"But..." she continued, "I should say that I love _you_. As friend, and... God willing... as family. In case you didn't know."

Agatha smiled sadly and patted her shoulder.

"So, what do I do?"

"PLACE YOUR HAND INSIDE THE MOUTH," said the Castle. For added measure, the head jerked forward just enough to startle her. She put her left hand near the mouth, and almost put it inside, but then drew back, and removed her wedding ring. She handed it to Agatha and resumed screwing her courage to its sticking place. She kept her left hand just outside of the clank's mouth. With her right, and without looking, she felt around for Agatha's hand and held it. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," said Agatha. "Take your time."

Mara smiled briefly, closed her eyes, and put her arm into the mouth as far as it would go. She waited. After ten seconds: "Am I doing this right?"

"Looks like it to me," said Agatha.

Another ten seconds. "Do you think it's broken? _Ngh_!"

Blood was spilled. All they could do now was wait.


	10. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so Far:  
> \--Sometimes the Castle can be quite a stickler about protocol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on my Livejournal 2012, then went mad from the revelation.
> 
> "This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment."

\----------------------

Violetta and Zeetha had joined Kelvin on the other side of the gorge. According to them the Castle was "going crazy," so he was not the only one anxious about the other women's fate. All three of them stood at the edge of the bridgeless gorge and kept a steady eye on the library's tower. Finally, they spotted movement; somebody was climbing out of a hole in the floor. The figure was blonde and wearing green, meaning it could be either Agatha _or_ Mara. The woman finished climbing out and helped the other woman up and out. The Castle did its part by reforming the elaborate stone and metal bridge, starting from the two women's side. Kelvin swayed side to side impatiently as the women walked.

"Both of them," he said. "They've _both_ come out! They're _both_ coming over! She got her out! Oh, bless her, she saved my wife! She didn't die from that horrible test."

Zeetha peered at the two very mobile women making their way across. "You could be right," she said. "Maybe they should keep walking so we're certain they're not dead."

"You never know," said Violetta. "Death hasn't stopped people from moving around before."

"I'm ignoring both of you," said Kelvin. "Why is this stupid thing not forming more quickly? It could collapse on them any second! Do you know it tried to kill me?"

"Please," said Zeetha, "Tell us a fourth or fifth time."

The Spark women kept up their, for Kelvin, excruciatingly leisurely pace, until the last twenty feet, when Mara hurried the rest of the way and ran into his arms. They hugged and kissed in joy and relief as Agatha arrived. Both Violetta and Zeetha babbled to tell her at the same time about troubles with the Castle.

"Ladies," she said, holding up a hand to quiet them. "I _know_ that there's a problem. Trouble is, _the Castle_ isn't acknowledging it. I'm going to look into it asap. But first, you've met Mara, yes?"

"...Yeah?" said the ladies.

"Well, I just thought you'd like to know there's a new root in the family tree," said Agatha. "Say hello to Mara... _Heterodyne_... Mouseheart."

An expected, stunned silence followed, but it was Mara who broke it. "Look, I'm as surprised as any of you," she said, "But we should probably address that _after_ things have been settled with the Castle. Do you agree, Agatha? And does anyone know if the others have returned from the city? Our children, our nanny, your assistants?"

Violetta shrugged.

"You two need to find them and keep them safe," said Agatha to Violetta and Zeetha. "Where's Higgs?"

"He's trying to help the minions," said Zeetha. "That's what I was trying to say earlier! The Castle has them locked up in a solid box made of _the walls_ and insists that they're all playing a game! Higgs is trying to get them out."

"What??" said Agatha. "Castle!! You didn't tell me this before! Release those people, _now_!"

"ALL RIGHT, I DIDN'T TELL YOU _EVERYTHING_ , BUT IT WAS A SECRET. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO COUNT TO A THOUSAND, THEN FIND ME!"

" _Find_ you?" said Agatha. "And where would that be? Tell me, _now_!"

"IT'S NOT _YOUR_ GAME, IT'S _THEIRS_. BUT THEY'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. MOST OF THEM JUST WENT TO SLEEP."

"Oh, my God," whispered Mara.

" _Castle_!!" said Agatha. " _Release them! Release them now! They need air! Give them air_!"

"STOP YELLING AT ME!" it said. "I DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU SAY, YOU KNOW!"

**_"What??"_ **

"Castle, they're not asleep, they're dying!" said Mara. "You're hurting them! You're _killing_ them! Please let them out!"

"OH, _ALL RIGHT_ ," it said. "THERE: I OPENED THE HIDING PLACE, MOMMA."

"Thank God," whispered Mara, leaning against Kelvin. "Are they breathing?? Please tell us!"

"I DON'T KNOW," it said. "I THINK SO. THEY LOOK IT."

"'Momma?' " Agatha muttered to herself, then shook her head in frustration. "Ach, I'll figure it out later. Zeetha: help Higgs with the minions. Violetta: find the Mousehearts and keep them away from the Castle!"

"Got it," said Violetta. Zeetha was already running down the corridor to rejoin Airman Higgs. Violetta then noticed the cut on Mara's hand. "Give it here," she said, pulling out another small vial from her belt. She popped off the stopper.

"We don't have time for this," said Mara.

"This is an antiseptic and will speed up healing, too," she said, taking Mara's hand. "But it's going to sting, a lot. Are you ready?" Mara nodded. It was a white powder that smoked and bubbled as soon as it touched the wet wound. Mara grunted and tightened her mouth, but otherwise did not react.

"Stoic, I see," said Violetta, now producing a small bandage to wrap it. Mara grunted and nodded. She patted Violetta's shoulder in gratitude.

Kelvin spoke to Agatha in his lowest voice. "Did the Castle just call you 'Momma?' "

She kept her voice just as low. "I don't think it was calling _me_ that. My guess is that it's regressing somehow. If there ever was such a thing as a 'childhood' for it. It's become obsessed with fun and games. At the very least this suggests a deterioration in its A.I., and _that_ , we do not need."

"Agreed," he said. "I noticed the name, because I could swear that it called me 'Poppa' earlier."

"Oh?"

If Mara had heard their conversation, she gave no sign of it. "Agatha, If you think I can help in any way, I offer my services."

"Dear," said Kelvin, "We need to find Daphne and the children."

"They do need to be found," she said. "But I also... have new responsibilities. And Violetta is more than capable of guiding you through this and keeping you safe."

"Offer accepted," said Agatha. "This probably isn't a one-woman job, anyway. But this is _my_ Castle. You do exactly as I say, when I say it, understood?"

"Of course, absolutely."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE MY LITTLE MISTRESS IS?" said the Castle. "I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A LONG TIME. I MISS HER."

"Uh... We'll help find your 'Little Mistress,' Castle," said Agatha. "Come on, everybody get where they need to be. Violetta, why don't you two take the squid? We're going to my workshop first, and that's not far. After that, it's back to the library."

*********************

Agatha and Mara both put on toolbelts and sacks for carrying equipment. She holstered whatever Agatha handed to her and offered suggestions, but all were rebuffed.

"What do you think is the cause?" asked Mara. "What could cause it to malfunction... if that's the right word for this?"

"I only have unconnected hypotheses right now," said Agatha, holstering a hammer and wrench. She produced a rod with an electrical discharge tube at the end, and handed it to Mara, who stepped back and held out her hands.

"Sorry, that wouldn't happen to be a weapon, would it?" she said. "Why do you think we'll need weapons?"

"Is that a serious question?" said Agatha. "By the way, you probably want this back." She held out Mara's ring, which was happily accepted. As Mara was putting it back on, Agatha turned on the electric prod and touched her in the chest with the live end. Mara was knocked back several feet, but miraculously remained standing. She was still too dazed to react to Agatha _slamming_ her backwards against a wall. She held the prod under Mara's chin, not quite touching it. Mara fought to remain conscious.

"What have... What are you..."

" _Shut up_ ," said Agatha. "The Castle called _you_ 'Momma.' Kelvin tells me it called _him_ 'Poppa.' _Why_? And who's its 'Little Mistress?'"

"Don't know..."

"I think you do," said Agatha. " _All_ of this started happening after you arrived. Maybe Violetta was right after all not to trust you. I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt, but... _is_ she right? Has _any_ of what's happening been planned by you??"

"No..."

"Why did the Castle listen to _you_ and not _me_ when the minions were trapped?"

" _You're_ its Mistress. What do you m-?"

"Nooo, it blatantly disobeyed me, but not you! Why? _What have you done to my Castle_??" Mara's eyes rolled up and she began sliding down the wall. Agatha gripped her chin with her free hand. "Stay awake when I'm talking to you!!"

Mara snapped up, deflected the prod away from herself and spun Agatha around, simultaneously locking an arm behind her back and pushing her cheek to the wall. Mara touched the prod to the wall, which absorbed enough of the current to cause pain without injury. Agatha struggled, and ended up with a tighter hold on her arm for the effort.

"Let me guess," she said through gritted teeth, "You could've done that at any time."

"No," said Mara, her voice perfectly calm. "I needed to recover from that shock first. I'm going to overlook your attack because you're under a lot of stress and pressure right now. Your Castle is 'sick' and has become dangerous as a result. I acknowledge that circumstances _do_ seem to point to something that _I've_ done to bring this about."

"Exactly!" said Agatha. "What do you _expect_ me to think?"

Mara released her hold on Agatha and took several steps back. She carefully switched off the prod, but held onto it. "'Think' _is_ the key word here," she said. "I've been trying to work this out, same as you. But you know this place better than anyone; I'm only just getting acquainted. I have no idea who it thinks its 'Little Mistress' is, or why it called us 'momma' and 'poppa,' or its obsession with-- _playing_..."

Mara stopped abruptly. Her eyes went wide in realization. "Oh, my goodness. I can't believe I didn't realize this. My daughter's toy clank; it has to be. The one she calls 'JoJo.' The one that she _lost_ when we arrived here. Agatha, I'm so sorry. I owe you an apology; I think this _is_ my fault, but I swear to you that no forethought or malice is behind it. In fact, a stupid little clank like that is the last thing I would imagine being capable of doing something like... like _this_! I honestly don't know _how_ it's managed to do it."

"Interesting hypothesis," said Agatha, "But it may be the best one we've got. Tell me about its workings. How could it possibly corrupt the Castle's A.I.? _Especially_ the Castle's A.I.!"

"B-b-but it's a plaything!" said Mara. "I gave it... it has an open-ended program to be Isabel's playmate, for any games she wants. That's... why it was made. To play! She's its 'Little Mistress.' It only minds _her_ in order to-"

"-To teach her about responsibility, right," said Agatha. "Go on. The Castle: How?"

"It..." she said, sifting through memories, "It plays with... It can play with other things. Right! I'd completely forgotten about that. She has other clockwork toys, and I made 'JoJo' so it could interact with them. No, _activate_ and _control_ them. For instance, she has a flying toy, and it can commandeer that toy, and 'pilot' it. It does the same thing for her other clockworks. You know, to... make it more fun for her?"

"So..." said Agatha, "You made a clank programmed to do nothing but play, and gave it the ability to take over other devices. All in the interest of fun and games."

Mara looked away, mortified. "Yes," she said. "It's just supposed to be a toy."

"Focus," said Agatha. "How does it do it?"

"Um... uh... it 'reads' the operating frequency of the device it's commandeering, and then adjusts itself to that frequency and... takes over from there. But something _this_ big? I-I would never have imagined-!"

"You're new...ish to being a Spark," said Agatha. "And one harsh lesson to learn about that - especially if you're a Heterodyne - is to never underestimate the capabilities of your clanks."

Mara sighed. "It was just supposed to be a toy."

"And my dingbots were just supposed to be dingbots."

"Your what?"

"Never mind," said Agatha. "We've got to get to the library." She picked out the last of her tools and holstered them. "Let's go."

Mara held up a hand. "Hold on," she said. "Are we... all right?"

Agatha pondered this a moment, then nodded. "I'm sorry about attacking you."

"No worries," said Mara. "Look, I've only got two things on my mind: my family being out of this Castle and _safe_ , and helping you fix it. My hands are your hands."

"All right, then," said Agatha. "Let's go."

*********************

Moloch's group had returned from Mechanicsburg and were just entering the Castle's front door, when Moloch was distracted yet again by familiar voices.

 **"Hoy, Von Zinzer!"** Dimo called from behind. The three Jägerkin were making their way up the path to the Castle.

"Uh, hello again?"

 **"Ve gots kvestions for hyu,"** said Ognian.

"What do you mean?" he said, urging the others to keep walking.

 **"Vhere all dese Heterodynes come from?"** said Dimo. **"Dey gots a family reunion happenink? Und ve vornt told??"**

"Family re-?" said Moloch. "What are you talking about? We've been over this. They're just friends from Guildern."

 **"Ve tried to tell de Mistress, but she shushed us!"** said Dimo.

"Yah, shushed!" said Ognian.

"Ve's goink in now to see vot's goink on," said Dimo. "Vun side, minion!"

"I AM NOT A-!" Moloch started, then shook his head. "Ahh, I give up. And fellas, you're not making any sense-" Moloch was distracted by a commotion at the front door. Snaug and the Mousehearts were being directed back outside by Violetta and Kelvin, who himself appeared especially frantic.

"What's going on?" said Moloch.

"The Castle's sick," said Violetta. "Something's making it act crazy. It keeps trying to 'play' with people, but it's _the Castle;_ all of its 'toys' are deadly."

"'Playing' how?" asked Moloch.

"Vhere's de Mistress?" asked Dimo. "Iz de Kestle 'playing' vit her?"

"It's under control, boys!" said Violetta. "She's taking care of it. Wait, why are you here?"

"Neffer mind dot - who'z takink care of _her_?" asked Ognian.

"Come on, people, let's get our distance from it," said Kelvin, continuing to usher his family away from the Castle.

Isabel saw the Jägerkin near Moloch and wasted no time rushing to them. "Hey, you Jägers!" she said. "Are you still picking on Mr. Moloch? You be nice to him!"

"Dun vorry, leedle Prinzess," said Dimo. "Ve know who hyu iz!"

"LITTLE MISTRESS!" the Castle bellowed from the inside. "THERE YOU ARE! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!"

Kelvin, starting a headcount, heard the Castle and immediately realized that his daughter was elsewhere. For the first time he noticed the Jägerkin nearby, and fought a growing panic. With a speed that surprised even himself, he was _at_ her side and snatching her up into his arms. Daphne was torn between staying with the other children and assisting her lord, and wisely decided on the former.

"Gentlemen," said Kelvin, trying to hide his nervousness, "I don't know what you're doing here, but-"

"Hoy! Iz you!" said Ognian, throwing his arms wide. "Prinze, hyu know us, yas?"

"I-- What?" he said.

"LITTLE MISTRESS!" said the Castle. "WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?"

"Poppa, who is it talking to?" asked Isabel.

"Ve vas de big prize-vinners!" said Maxim. "Ve had de tea-time und de tour und shtuff!"

Kelvin gasped. " _You_ three again??" he said.

Violetta tugged on his sleeve. "This must be a very tender reunion for all of you," she said, "But let's keep it going."

"Yes, yes, of course," said Kelvin, moving away from the Jägers. Unfortunately, they followed.

"Vy nobody tell us ve gots new Heterodynes?" said Dimo.

"Ve knew back den, at Guildern," said Maxim. "De Prinzess..."

"Ve din _know_ , ve _zuspected_ ," said Dimo. "But now... _Ve know_!!"

Violetta held up a hand. "Nobody's kept anything from you," she said. "I don't know who told you anything even _now_ , but I could use your help. Kelvin, you've got your family secured, right?"

"We're together, yes," he said, setting Isabel down.

"I'm going back inside," said Violetta. "Boys, Agatha needs you. Who knows what this thing could do to her in the name of 'fun.' "

" _And_ to Mara," said Kelvin with some indignation.

"Right, her, too," said Violetta.

"Vot about dem?" asked Ognian, pointing to the Mousehearts. " _Dey_ need our protection!"

"Not out here, they don't," said Violetta.

"If the Castle is 'sick,' " said Moloch, "We're needed, too. Come on, Fräulein! What about the other mechanics? Do you know where they are?"

"Right here," Airman Higgs' voice was heard. He and Zeetha were carrying or assisting a group of groggy minions outside. "Good luck to you in there." Moloch and Snaug ran over to assist their injured colleagues.

Kelvin bade Daphne to shepherd the children down the path and back into town, while he also went to assist the minions.

"LITTLE MISTRESS!" said the Castle. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING? DON'T LEAVE!"

Isabel was distracted by its words, but Daphne had her by the hand and kept her going with the others. The path closest to them began to rumble, then to quake, then suddenly to rise up like a wave made of brick and stone, pushing Daphne backwards. She tumbled to the ground. The stroller carrying Edward and Silas toppled to its side. Silas remained inside, but Edward fell out, hurting his arm. Both boys screamed in pain, terror, or both. Daphne was uninjured and scrambled to retrieve Edward and right the stroller. Isabel was the only one left unscathed. Kelvin was back at their side, assisting Daphne and cursing himself for "not keeping (his) priorities straight!" To his dismay the three Jäger were also there, fretting over "de Heterodyne bebbies!" He tried to shoo them away, but they stayed.

The stone wall remained as it was, blocking their path to Mechanicsburg.

"LITTLE MISTRESS!" said the Castle. "COME INSIDE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW MANY TOYS I'VE FOUND! AND THE _GAMES_ IN HERE! OH, THE _GAMES_!"

Isabel could not help staring at the Castle's main doors. "JoJo...?"

"Is there any way to _shut that thing up_?" said Kelvin, trying to both calm his sons and keep the Jäger from touching them. "Nobody listen to it! Nobody go inside! Well, _you three_ probably should."

Violetta waved them over. "He's right, let's go! Coming, Zeetha? Higgs?"

"Yeah," she said. "The minions are recovering." Higgs' answer was a simple nod.

"Kelvin, are your kids okay?" said Violetta.

"We'll be fine!" he said loudly, still trying to quiet a screeching Silas. Daphne was busy trying to calm an equally loud Edward. "Do whatever you need to do! But can anyone make this _wall_ go away??"

"On our way," said Moloch, followed by Snaug.

"LITTLE MISTRESS, PLEEEEEASE? I'LL LET YOU BE 'IT' FOR 'CHASE-ME!'"

"Who the _hell_ is it talking to??" said Moloch.

"JoJo!" said Isabel. "Poppa, I found JoJo! He's inside!" To the surprise of everyone, Isabel had somehow made it right to the doorway, and was jumping up and down and pointing. After that, she turned to run inside. Six people rushed after her at once-- and six people tripped each other up in the effort.

"No No No No NO!!" yelled Kelvin. "STOP HER!" He almost ran after her, but was still holding Silas. Snaug was near, and reached for the baby.

"Your Highness," she said, "We'll stay with them. We'll keep them safe. Go get your daughter."

Kelvin, still in a panic, finally acquiesced and quickly handed his son to her. She held the infant with expert ease. His crying was already starting to die down.

The others recovered their balance quickly enough and continued their pursuit of Isabel, who was already in the Castle's foyer. Zeetha and Higgs were in front and just about to reach Isabel, when a stone block flew up from the ground and smacked them both under the chin. They staggered back, giving Isabel a new lead.

" _YOU_ DON'T GET TO PLAY 'CHASE-ME' WITH HER," said the Castle. "ONLY I GET TO."

With a growl, Violetta used their bodies to vault herself up and over the next set of slabs flying up. The three Jägers were a breath behind.

"Vy dun Heterodynes effer _shtay_ safe??" asked Dimo. This time a piece of the floor dropped away. Violetta almost disappeared into the darkness, but was caught by Maxim. The others paused to be assured of her safety.

"Not me, you idiots!" she said. "Stop _her_!"

"Hyu _velcome_ ," said Maxim with some sarcasm after hauling her back up.

"JoJo, where are you??" said Isabel, now a good distance ahead and oblivious to the efforts of her would-be rescuers. Her father had caught up to Zeetha and Higgs by now. Higgs appeared unfazed by the stony uppercut, but Zeetha was still groggy. He insisted on Kelvin pressing on while he tended to her.

The Jägers, Violetta, and Kelvin moved as one now, calling to Isabel and running like the wind. She heard them and slowed down to look back, when not just one or two blocks rose from the floor, but an _entire wall_ rose up between them. Kelvin reached out to climb over, but it was rising too quickly, and his grip was too light to hang on.

It was the three Jägers who acted as one; Dimo and Maxim stopped and turned to face Ognian. The first two got into position, and with a great yell, Ognian leaped, and his colleagues worked together to hurl him over the rising wall with inches to spare before it reached the top. His beloved hat fell off and was almost crushed against the ceiling, when Ognian's hand reached in and snatched it to safety.

There was an eerie silence now as the rumbling ceased, and nothing was moving. Kelvin appeared frozen in place, his arm still outstretched to the wall, his face locked into one of anguish and grief. Dimo and Maxim stepped forward and placed a hand on the wall.

"Hyu keep her safe, Oggie," said Maxim.

"Yas."

"How do we--?" said Kelvin, his eyes moist. "What's happening here? How do we get to her? _How do we find my daughter_?!"

"Focus," said Violetta. "We just go another way. _This_ way, in fact."

"Did you say 'focus?'" he said through gritted teeth. " _Focus_?"

"Yes! Focus!" she gritted back. "Nobody panics! _Everybody_ watches _everybody's_ back! We'll get there. It'll be the scenic route, but we'll get there."

"We're wasting time," said Zeetha, accompanied by a watchful Higgs.

"You're looking a bit unsteady there-"

" _I'm fine_ ," she said. "Let's go." 

****

Isabel was watching the wall grow, when the meanest of the Jäger suddenly slammed to the ground next to her. She shrieked and started to run, but Ognian caught her and held her in place.

"Ahhhh, let go of me!" she yelled. At that, the corridor came alive with spinning, whirling, sharp and flaming devices from the floors, walls and ceilings. They were all pointing at him. He froze, and then slowly set her back down. She was going to resume her panicked run from the creature, but saw all the weapons and assumed they were meant for her. She shrieked again and wrapped her arms around the Jäger's leg.

"LITTLE MISTRESS!" said the Castle. "I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THE SCARY MAN!"

"Leedle Prinzess," said Ognian, "

Hyu dun undershtand. De Kestle iz krazy! Ve haff to get to de Mistress!"

"Who's 'de Mistress?' " she said. "Why do you all talk so funny? And why is JoJo pointing all those weapons at us??"

"LITTLE MISTRESS, GET AWAY FROM THE SCARY MAN!"

"Put away those clanks!" she said. "You know that Momma and Poppa hate weapons! We're not supposed to play with weapons!"

"BUT LITTLE MISTRESS-!"

" _Stop calling me 'Little Mistress_!' " she said. "It's weird you're talking! JoJo, you put these scary clanks away, and you come here _right now_!"

There was a moment of silence, and the weapons were withdrawn whence they had come. "SORRY, LITTLE- SORRY, ISABEL," it said. "I THOUGHT THOSE WERE TOYS. WEREN'T THEY? I KNOW THAT WEAPONS ARE BAD. BUT I CAN'T GO TO YOU YET. IT'S TOO HARD FOR ME TO GO TO YOU RIGHT NOW. I KNOW! I CAN HELP YOU COME TO ME! YOU REMEMBER 'HOT AND COLD,' YES?"

"Yes?"

"RIGHT NOW YOU'RE 'COLD,'" it said. "KEEP WALKING."

"...Okay," she said uncertainly, unpeeled herself from Ognian's leg, and stepped forward carefully. He followed. A smaller block rose from the floor to intercept.

"JUST YOU," said the Castle. "TWO OF YOU WOULD BE CHEATING."

Isabel stamped her foot. "JoJo! We're supposed to share! You know that! And Mr. Jäger needs to find de Mistress!" She leaned towards him. "Who's de Mistress?"

"De Mistress Agatha, uf coz," he said. "Und leedle Prinzess: call me Oggie."

"Okay, Mr. Oggie," she said. "I like Lady Agatha. She's nice. JoJo! Where's my momma?"

"NO CHEATING. 'HOT AND COLD.'"

"Tell me!"

" **HOT**!" the Castle thundered. " **AND COLD**!"

A deafening silence followed. Oggie felt the girl taking his hand gingerly.

"Mr. Oggie," she said, "Will you help me find my momma?"

"Or die tryink," he said, "Leedle Prinzess." The two walked together down the corridor. Isabel moved carefully and uncertainly at first, nervous about the erratic behavior of her favorite toy. Then a determination, fueled by thoughts of reuniting with her mother, gave her strength, and she began to trot, then jog. Oggie easily kept pace, and considered carrying the child in an effort to move more quickly, but decided against it. He kept a wary eye on their surroundings, watching for even the slightest movement or out-of-place object.

"...YOU'RE GETTING WARMER..." said the Castle.


	11. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--The moment that no one was waiting for was confirmed about the Princess!  
> \--Yep. That.  
> \--Anyway, the Castle seems to be getting more playful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently all I did in 2012 was write this story. First shared on my Livejournal, then with the pack on Jagerkin.tk, then with anyone dumb enough to ask me about my hobbies ("Well, I like to write..."), during awkward pauses in conversations, at work meetings, etc. NO ONE IS SAFE.

\--------------

Given the Castle's talent for eavesdropping, Agatha and Mara realized they needed to speak as little as possible, going forward. Or at least about nothing that would raise suspicions. Before leaving the workshop, Mara drew out one of her ideas and managed to convey that she was going to reconfigure the electric prod to emit the same frequency as "JoJo," her daughter's toy clank. The goal was to attract it to them in the library, then disrupt its connection to the Castle. Agatha nodded, then held up her death ray and patted it. For just in case. Mara made a sad face.

She made the adjustments as they walked - carefully - to the library.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MOMMA?" asked the Castle. "AND LADY?"

"We're going to come visit you, JoJo," said Mara flatly. "You _are_ JoJo, are you not?"

"OHHH, YOU GUESSED RIGHT!" it said. "SHOULD I GIVE YOU A PRIZE?"

"Why don't you do that in the library?" said Mara. "Come meet us in the library, JoJo. We can play more games there."

"HOORAY! I'LL FIND SOMETHING NICE IN THERE. HURRY UP NOW!"

"Will do," said Mara, and shut the housing on the prod. She held it out to Agatha. "Would you like to check my work?"

"Sure," she said, and held out her death ray in return. "Hold this." Mara took it from her and held it awkwardly in front of herself, the business end pointed towards a wall. The deadlier the weapon, the less she wanted to examine them, because when that happened, her mind filled rapidly with designs for the most horrific devices ever created by-

"It's fine," said Agatha, handing it back. "Good work." Mara nodded in gratitude and let her take back her own weapon, and fought the urge to rattle off a list of ways to make it even more dangerous. The power source alone could-

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" said Agatha. They were keeping a good pace but still had five minutes before reaching the library.

"Uh..." said Mara, hauling her thoughts from the pit they'd fallen into. "No, I wouldn't mind. You may _ask_ ," she added with a slight chuckle.

"Why do the Jägers frighten you so much?"

Mara shuddered. "I can't convey adequately how embarrassed I am by that," she said. "Shivering and whimpering like a little child. I wasn't raised to be such a coward."

"I'm not calling you that," said Agatha. "I was just curious."

"I'd hate to say anything that may cast aspersions on your... colleagues? You seem very fond of them."

"It's mutually-earned respect," said Agatha. "And I'm a big girl. I know the Jägers have their own unsavory histories, just like my family. It would actually help me to know more about their past actions. You asked me if any of them had been to Denmark. What happened there?"

"Mm," said Mara. "If you really are interested, about ten-"

"Sorry, I should have said _our_ family," said Agatha. "Aand I interrupted. Go on."

Mara was quiet a moment, then: "Mm. _Our_ family. Strap myself in, I suppose? Um... anyway, I should just sum things up, and we can discuss details later, if you think them important. About ten years ago, when I was sixteen, my village was attacked and... destroyed... burned to the ground... by marauders."

"Sweet Lightning..."

"And I'll never forget that that horde was a mix of humans... and of Jäger," said Mara. "I lost my father then, too, in all the chaos. We were separated, and there was blood, and death, and fire, and..." She sighed. "Anyway, I mean 'lost,' as in never saw him again. My _hope_ is that he's dead. Maybe he's not. I don't know."

"Humans and Jägers..." said Agatha. "Do you know if it was ordered by the Baron? Or if they were 'wild?'"

"They weren't wearing uniforms, if that's what you mean," said Mara. "Nobody's crest or insignia. All I know is... whoever they were, they really... enjoyed their work. The things I saw them do..." She forced a smile. "You know, I've had my share of combat since that day, because I was still trying to live up to his expectations, but the day that still haunts my dreams, and my thoughts: it's that day. When I saw your four friends last night, and they were surrounding me, I was... suddenly back there, reliving it in my mind."

"I'm so sorry," said Agatha. "How did you escape?"

Mara smiled sadly. "Ah," she said. "Dear old dad shoved me down a hill, just as I was trying to help him fight. I'd just made my first real kill, too." She mimed thrusting a sword in front of her. "Right into the other guy's neck. It's as though he were _trying_ to run into the blade. And... I wouldn't exactly call it _pride_ , what I was feeling at that moment. Father wasn't as happy to see me as I thought he'd be. He shoved me away, and I ended up falling to the bottom of the hill. I was knocked out along the way and woke up... later. Minutes, hours, days later? I don't know. But the village was a smoke-pit by the time I stumbled back up the hill."

The two women walked on in silence. Mara fingered the electric prod nervously.

"I wish I knew what to say," said Agatha. "I can only hope it's nobody that I know that took part in that... massacre."

"I can only hope that, too," said Mara. "But if they all report to you now, chances are that somebody you know did. Anyway, now you know why I'm just a little bit uncomfortable around Jäger. But I am... resolved... to face them without fear, should the occasion arise again."

"That's good to hear, for more reasons than you might think," said Agatha. "And I will definitely ask them about Denmark. I don't mean just the four from last night. I mean _all_ of them."

Mara showed one more brief smile. "It's not something I would ask you to do," she said. "But I do appreciate it."

****

At the bridge, Agatha quietly flipped a switch on a small device she had tucked into her toolbelt. If Mara had seen this, she made no sign of it. The only indication that the device was on was a tiny, red light on top. Crossing the bridge to the library was nerve-wracking this time, given the Castle's new unpredictability and warped ideas of what constituted "games." For all they knew, the latest game could be "Let's Fly!," consisting of dropping the bridge out from under them and offering words of encouragement as they plummeted to their deaths.

Fortunately the game of the moment appeared to be "Let Them Make It Across Unharmed." Now halfway across, Mara's nervousness about the sturdiness of the bridge was not helped by a sudden pitter-patter of small, clanky feet coming from behind them. She gripped the fancy brass railing more tightly and dared to glance back. Then yelped as something brushed against her feet, and another something, and another. Pulling ahead of them were hundreds (thousands?) of tiny clanks, most of them bipedal and monocular, and which were now paving the way to the library. She had seen them before, all around the Castle, but always just out of the corner of her eye and easily dismissed as vermin that typically frequented castles. Now she knew better.

"Yours?" she said.

Agatha nodded. "Meet the dingbots."

Inside the library, Agatha switched on the holographic map of the Castle. Mara watched in awe as more of the little clanks were filling the room, appearing from every nook and cranny. Maybe they'd be able to drag "JoJo" out kicking and screaming? Now there was a cunning plan.

"Castle," said Agatha, "Indicate the systems that have been compromised by the intruder."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN," it said.

"Which systems have been affected by the intruder?" she said. "Show us the progress of the corruption of your A.I."

"I... DON'T..."

"JoJo," said Mara, "Can you show us where you 'feel good?' And can you make it a color like red so we can see it easily?" She shrugged at Agatha. "I think we'll have to speak to it like it's a child."

The map shimmered a moment, and then its colors changed. A moment ago all the lines had been a light green; now most of them were red. Both women looked simultaneously for a pattern to the coloration, such as a systematic progression through the Castle, but as far as they could determine, the corruption was as random as the Castle's fits of tomfoolery.

"Do you think everyone has made it out by now?" asked Mara.

"We could find out," said Agatha. "Castle... Uh, I mean, JoJo... show us everyone who's inside now."

"I THINK I CAN DO THAT!" it said. "I DID! HERE YOU ARE!" Two dots representing them appeared inside the map's library. The women nodded. Then their collective gaze wandered elsewhere.

"That's not good," said Agatha. More dots representing people appeared throughout the Castle. A cluster of them were moving together through a main corridor. Two more dots were in a different part of the Castle, and closer to the library than the larger group.

"What's going on here?" said Mara. "Why are there so many people still inside?"

"Don't get too excited," said Agatha. "They could have been delayed. They'll get out eventually. Violetta's their guide; there's no one better to get everyone out safely."

"I know," said Mara. "I feel better knowing that it's her. But... is it me, or do they seem to be moving _away_ from the exit? Both groups?"

"Huh," said Agatha. "You're right. Castle!" She facepalmed herself. "I mean, JoJo! Besides ourselves, who else is inside?"

"AHH," it said, "SORRY, I'M... FORGETTING A LOT OF NAMES AND FACES."

"That is _not_ good."

"THERE'S, UH... THERE'S A LADY WITH GREEN HAIR, AND SOME UGLY, SCARY MEN, AND A YELLING LADY, AND... OH! IT'S POPPA!"

"Poppa?!" said Mara, and made a noise in frustration. "JoJo, who is with whom? Who are the two people off by themselves?"

"LET ME CHECK," it said. "OH, THAT'S THE LITTLE MISTRESS!" Mara's eyes were almost full circles now. "I MEAN 'ISABEL.' SHE TOLD ME NOT TO CALL HER 'LITTLE MISTRESS' ANYMORE. SHE'S WITH A BIG, SCARY OGRE."

Mara froze, both in words and movement. In time she was able to force out the words, but in sputters and bare coherence.

**"ISABEL'S WITH AN OGRE?!?!?"**

"MAYBE NOT A REAL ONE," it said, oblivious to her panic. "I THINK HIS _NAME_ IS 'OGRE?' "

She spun to stare hard at Agatha. **"YOU HAVE OGRES JUST WANDERING ABOUT IN HERE??"**

" _I_ haven't made any ogres!" she said, then snapped her fingers. " _Oggie_! It must mean Oggie! Don't worry; he'll keep her safe. Trust me."

 _"Are you certain??"_ said Mara. "How do-? Hang on: Oggie, as in one of the _Jäger_??"

"Yes, from last night! The blonde one, fancy fez-"

" _Why is my daughter with a Jäger_??"

"I know as much as you do!" said Agatha. "And this is no time for panicking!"

 ** _"I am not panicking!!"_** Mara shrieked, running in place as she yelled. She stopped abruptly and stared at nothing, but with great intensity. "That was a little bit panicked," she said, much more calmly. "But that's my child out there! My-my little girl! I should be looking for her and-"

"You know that you can help her better and faster in here," said Agatha. "The sooner we fix... _it_ , the sooner everyone's safe. Your hands are my hands, remember?" Mara slowed her breathing, and nodded. "Come on." She motioned for Mara to follow her, and started to move across the room, then paused and went back to the map for further study. "I see that some of the areas have _slightly_ stronger glows than others. It may indicate focal points for its connections to the Castle."

"I agree," said Mara. "And one does appear to be in here." Then she pointed at the larger cluster of dots indicating other people. "Is it me, or is this group moving at a good clip?"

Agatha peered at it a moment, then nodded. "If this movement is to scale, then they either found some vehicles, or are running. Quickly."

"DO YOU MEAN POPPA'S GROUP?" asked the Castle/JoJo.

"...Yes?"

"THEY'RE PLAYING CHASE-ME," said the Castle/JoJo. "AND DOING VERY WELL!"

" 'Chase-Me?' " said Mara. "With _what_?"

**********

 **"On your left!! On your left!!"** screamed Violetta to Dimo and Maxim, who were, like everyone else in the group, busy trying to avoid becoming the chewtoys of a large group of huge, cat-like war clanks. If Kelvin and Mara had taken the armory tour, they would have learned Agatha's nickname for them of 'Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispensers.' Then they would all have had a good laugh before moving on to view other fun, agony/death dispensation devices.

The cat clanks, for their part, behaved disturbingly much like real cats: pausing to size up their targets, sprinting, catching them, batting them around, throwing them around, recatching, and tossing them forward for more chasing. It was a possible reason the group had not been entirely overrun, for the clanks were far faster and stronger than anyone. Airman Higgs, Dimo and Maxim deliberately stayed behind Kelvin, Violetta and Zeetha to run interference and act as a first line of defense against the clanks. They had been subjected at least once each to the chase-catch-throw routine of the clanks and had somehow survived so far. Kelvin knew that Jägermonsters were very resilient, but had no explanation for Airman Higgs' endurance. Kelvin chose not to dwell on such puzzlers at the moment, though.

There was one exception to the clowder of cats in hot pursuit: one of them, and there was no time for anyone to explain why to Kelvin, was shouting to him and the others to keep running and to otherwise avoid danger. If he had an opportunity to look back more often, he would have sworn it was actively trying to stop the other cat clanks. It threw itself (in vain, ultimately) in front of the clowder, swiped at the others, even once pulled Maxim out of another clank's mouth. Meanwhile it yelled things such as: **"Fly, you fools! Fly!"** and **"I cannot control them! Keep running, children!"** in what sounded like a mechanized female voice. Regardless of the clank's gender, Kelvin was not about to argue with its helpful advice.

Zeetha was still suffering the effects of a concussion from the Castle's sneaky uppercut, and was flanked by Violetta and Kelvin. She was keeping pace, fueled mostly by adrenaline - like everyone else - but they both knew she was at risk, and would not leave her side. Still, Violetta was on the lookout for anywhere safe that she could be stashed. Unfortunately there were no handy ceiling rafters in this corridor for her grappling gun to latch onto. There were some alcoves coming up quickly, though. She kept up her speed, but gripped Zeetha's shoulder and began leading her in a diagonal path towards the nearest alcove.

"What are you doing?" Zeetha demanded, and by the time she finished the question, she'd been shoved into the opening. Zeetha grunted hard as she slammed into the wall. Her immediate escape from the alcove was blocked by the passing squad of battle clanks. Finally they had all passed, leaving her free to pull herself up and view the perilous parade from behind. She would give Violetta what-for after all this was over, but in the meantime did have some appreciation for her rear view of the chase. Woozy or not, she could give chase to _them_ now and reduce their ranks from behind, goddess willing.

The group rounded a corner into the next hallway. Violetta smiled to herself at the sight of beautiful, beautiful rafters. Without breaking stride, she aimed and fired the grappling gun, which caught nicely on a beam ahead of them. She activated it and was pulled up and above the rampaging parade. One of the cat-clanks swiped upwards at her as it ran past. She tucked up her legs just in time to avoid a nasty slashing injury.

Rather than ascend all the way up and hide for the rest of the chase, Violetta let go as soon as the cat-clanks started passing beneath her. She fell and managed to land rather neatly on top of one, just behind the head. The cat-clank hissed and roared and bucked, but the smoke knight was there to stay.

After the clank settled down enough, Violetta looked to her right and saw Zeetha riding on the next clank over, grinning impishly. Violetta gave a thumbs-up, then called out to the menfolk still running ahead of the beasts. Higgs, Dimo and Maxim heard, and jumped, flipped, climbed and otherwise boarded the clanks in their personal styles.

 **"Vy ve not do dis in de forst place??"** said Dimo. **"Voo Hoo!!"**

Even having commandeered the clanks, there was still the matter of controlling, which took great effort on everyone's part. Violetta and Higgs kept an eye on Zeetha, who knew she was being fussed over, and glared at each of them as her own version of gratitude.

Violetta called out to Kelvin, the last man running, but he did not hear. He continued running at full speed, refusing to look back, knowing that would slow him down or steer him off-course. The others guided their metal steeds to a trot and watched him disappear down the hall.

Airman Higgs held his jacket lapels. "He's got a lot of stamina," he said.

"Apparently they exercise a lot back home," said Violetta. "But, still: Otilia?"

The last of the clanks - the riderless one - bounded over to the group. "Yes, Miss Violetta?" it said.

"Would you be a dear and fetch the Prince and bring him back here?"

 **"I am Otilia, muse of protection!"** it thundered. **"I do not 'fetch!' "**

"Be nice," she said. "He's Agatha's guest and not used to being in constant peril."

 **"Hrrrrrr,"** said Otilia, and loped off after Kelvin.

Just in time, too. He could jog and he could sprint, but sprinting at full speed, for so long, would make the stoutest athlete's heart ready for bursting. Every part of his body that could feel a pulse was pounding at full strength, and full volume, for he could hear his own heart. And then it almost stopped when one of the clanks suddenly _appeared_ in front of him, facing him with those evil, red eyes. He was unable to slow himself in time, and slammed into its head, then fell backwards onto his back. His lovely view of the ceiling was blocked by the creature stepping over him and peering at him as though deciding which part of him to chomp off first. But clanks didn't do that... did they??

 **"Human,"** it said in that ringing, mechanical, possibly-female voice, **"You are permitted to climb up and ride me. Come."**

"Just... Just kill me now," he wheezed.

 **"I was asked to return you to the others instead,"** said the clank. **"But I will take your request under consideration. Can you move, or are you about to expire?"**

"If you... give me a moment," he said, "I'll see if I _can_ move."

"Otilia, is he okay?" he heard Violetta calling from the distance. He managed to tilt his head backwards enough to get an upside-down view of the others riding towards him on a herd of metal cats. His dreams and nightmares should be so strange. The clank known as Otilia nudged him gently - for it - with its paw. He groaned and held his side.

 **"He is not dead,"** it said. **"If that's what you mean."** The others reached Kelvin now. He made himself sit up and survey the scene, then stand up shakily. His breathing was now back to normal, but his head pounded as if to burst.

"Isabel..." he said. "Please be safe."

"Climb on Otilia," said Violetta. "You want to find your daughter? There's no faster way."

Without further ado he climbed on top of the clank and settled in. He was an accomplished horseman and was able to adjust quickly enough to this very different sort of steed. He and Violetta exchanged nods.

"Let's ride," she said.


	12. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--The Castle leads some of Our Heroes in a merry old chase  
> \--Otilia is helpful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First shared on my Livejournal, then with the pack at Jagerkin.tk, then with anyone dumb enough to ask me about my hobbies ("Well, I like to write..."), during awkward pauses in conversations, at work meetings, etc. NO ONE IS SAFE.

\----------------------

"I'll try the easy way first," said Mara.

"Yes, that always works."

"Well, we can't _not_ try," said Mara. She stepped to the center of the room, making sure not to step _on_ any unobservant "dingbots," and cleared her throat. "JoJo! It is I, your creator! She who made you and... temporarily allowed you to call my daughter your mistress! Yet I am still your creator and must be obeyed! So... I command you to come forth, show yourself, and end this senseless, and _dangerous_ , course of action! Thank you very much!"

The women waited. And waited.

" _Fine_ , it never works," Mara grumbled, and returned to Agatha, who patted her on the shoulder.

"But we always do try, don't we?"

"SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?" asked the Castle/JoJo.

"Oh, _now_ it talks to me," said Mara.

"Not yet, JoJo," said Agatha. "There are so many to choose from! Let us pick the first one, okay?"

"JUST MAKE SURE IT'S A GOOD ONE."

"Hmph," said Mara. "Yes, _sir_."

Agatha headed for the other end of the room and motioned for Mara to follow her. They arrived at a nondescript bookshelf, near where the family tree had been located.

"You have your secret closet," said Agatha with a grin, "And I have mine."

"Oh, that's lovely!" said Mara. She poked at a spot on the bookshelf. "Is this what-?"

A door opened with a loud SHOONK, revealing a larger secret closet than Mara had at home. "--Opens it?" she finished. Agatha sighed and waved her inside.

"Sorry," said Mara. "Finding hidden things is sort of my-"

"Yeah, yeah, come on in," said Agatha. Inside was a control panel with plenty of gauges. Agatha ignored that and opened an access panel opposite it, and knelt to poke at its innards.

"What can I do to help?" Mara asked.

Agatha mumbled something unintelligible in reply, then stood up and held out her death ray. "I'll take the prod," she said. "You cover the door and blast anything that tries to come in."

"IIII'm not sure that's a good-" said Mara, but then noticed that she was now cradling a death ray in her hands. Agatha had already returned her attentions to the access panel. Mara said nothing, only staring at the weapon before finally making herself follow orders and stand guard. She tried to keep her focus on the doorway, but her gaze kept dropping to the weapon. It was an elegant design - sleek, clean, shiny, with a grip well-fitted for a human hand. _Don't look inside, don't look inside, don't_ \- Behind her, Agatha hummed to herself while working. Mara assumed that focusing on the song would keep her mind on her appointed task.

"All right," said Agatha, tying off a connector, "We'll start with the frequency you entered and see if it coaxes the little-Hey! What are you doing?"

Mara had pulled off the housing to the death ray and was feverishly working on its insides. She had four different tools in one hand and was trading them off one after another at a rapid pace, her fingers a blur as they tweaked and fiddled with and adjusted. Agatha grabbed her by the arm and whirled her around. Mara did not react and kept working without breaking pace. Her eyes were round like plates, the pupils grossly dilated, breathing slow and deep-

Agatha yanked her weapon away. Mara, still in the Madness, grasped at it, "air-repairing" with the tool at hand, making faint, grunting noises like an infant that has had its favorite toy pulled from its reach.

"Stop that!" said Agatha, slapping at her hands. " _My_ death ray! _Mine! Bad_ Mara!" She continued slapping until Mara stopped grasping for the weapon, and blinked as though waking up.

"What? Why are you hitting me?" she said. "I was fixing it."

"Leave my death rays alone," harrumphed Agatha, showing the poor device. She grabbed the cover from Mara and was about to screw it back on, then peered inside. "Wait - what did you do to it?"

" You really shouldn't hand me weapons," said Mara quietly.

Agatha held out a hand. "Don't tell me what you did." After a moment of examination, she said, "If I didn't know you were a pacifist, I'd say that you made this even _more_ powerful. And... the energy consumption more efficient? If you didn't make it more powerful, what _did_ you do?"

Mara forced herself to lean closer and look inside. When she spoke, there was more than a little guilt to her tone. "Made it more powerful. And the part about energy consumption. Sorry."

"But I thought you... Why would you do that?"

Mara was quiet a moment. "I still have trouble," she said, "Staying away from the darkness."

"Hm," said Agatha. She replaced the cover with a snap and began screwing it into place. "We'll talk about it later, but meanwhile, never be ashamed of your Gift."

"But-"

"Ah-ah!" she said. " _Never_ be ashamed. And you're a Heterodyne! The most Gifted family of all. Rejoice!"

Mara had a flat expression while tepidly pumping her fists in the air. "Yayyyy."

Agatha allowed a pout. "We'll talk about _that_ later, too," she said.

Agatha showed her the readout on the prod. She nodded, so Agatha switched it on. There was a hum, and loud static coming from the panel, and then on the library's speakers:

"-About to attempt to sneak into the underground lair of _Ferretina_ , the weasel queen- 'SQUEE!' - wearing giant rabbit suits created by a unique-"

"What is that?" said Mara. "It sounds like a news report."

"Sh," said Agatha.

" -nefarious predation upon the quaint little-"

Mara kept on. "I don't remember adding a receiver?!"

"SHH!"

"Look, I put in the wrong frequency," said Mara, reaching for the prod. Agatha pulled it from her reach. "What, is this your favorite news hour or something?"

"-not be as innocent as we had _thought_. 'Weasels need not-' "

"Look, just let me adjust the-"

"How dare they broadcast this again!" Agatha fumed. "And with this clear a signal, it must be _in or near town_!" She pushed past Mara and marched into the library, shaking a fist. The dingbots closest to her mimicked her movements. " **I will find you, fiends!! Your heads will hang from my wall!! I will make your bones into furniture!!** "

"-They'll just have to _live with it_.-"

Mara followed Agatha as the news report droned on over the library's speakers. "What on _earth_ are you on about??"

"Come!!" said Agatha. "To my flying machine!! Prepare for Death from Above, you pernicious professors!!"

"Oh, for goodness' sake," Mara grumbled, running back to the access room and quickly adjusting the frequency. The odd news report was replaced by a bouncy polka tune. Mara poked her head through the doorway and watched Agatha's aggravated stomping gradually quiet down, until she was tapping her feet to the music.

"Oooo, the Grand Theft Polka!" she said. "I like this one. Let's leave it going."

"Hon," said Mara, "We can't have _both_ of us falling into the Madness on a whim. _Please_ be the sane one for both of us. This is _your_ Castle."

"Ahhh, yes," she said, straightening up. "It is. Find the correct frequency, then! Make it so!"

Mara rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the dial, and waited for Agatha to catch up before slowly moving the dial through the bandwidth.

"-another gloriously gloomy day in-!"

"-clanks with the power to vote is simply preposterous!"

"-Rollll out the barrel BANG BANG BANG you'll have-"

Eventually she moved the dial out of the audible frequencies and into the higher bands. Agatha left the room to search amongst the dingbots, and found her first, her favorite, on top of a table, surveying the others from above like a sovereign. She stepped through the crowd of its compatriots to have quiet words with it. It gave a little salute and hopped onto the floor, relaying her words to the others through pantomime.

Mara had reached the highest frequency that the prod could go, with no indication from the Castle/JoJo that it had any effect. "Ah, fjols!" she said. " _Infrasound_ , not ultra!" She rapidly whipped the bands through the audible lengths until they hit subsonic levels. She slowed the dial, listening intently for any hint from the Castle/JoJo that it was being affected. Agatha did the same, unconsciously stroking her death ray.

"OOOOOOOO," said the Castle/JoJo, finally.

Agatha whispered, "Don't touch that dial!! "

Mara whispered back, "I know!"

"I LIKE THAT, MOMMA!" it said. "WHAT IS THAT?"

"Come out where we can see you," said Mara, "And you can have a _lot_ more of it."

"HM," it said. "I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT."

Mara turned up the power, sending the Castle/JoJo into loud convulsions of delight. The sheer volume of its giggles, chortles and guffaws made the women wince and cover their ears. Mara switched off the power entirely.

"NOOO!" it said. "BRING IT BACK! KEEP DOING THAT!"

"Come to us _now_ , and you can have all you like!"

"AH... OH... UH...O-ALL RIGHT!" it said. After a brief silence, the library walls echoed from the sound of metallic skittering. It seemed to be racing all around the room at incredible speed. Both women and even the army of dingbots followed the sounds with their eyes. Agatha set her death ray to its lowest setting and kept it at the ready.

The skittering stopped at one end of the room. Agatha shut off the holographic map to reduce noise. Only the occasional movement from a wandering dingbot made any sound. The women knew better than to converge on the last spot where JoJo had made any noise. More likely it had moved quietly to some other location.

The dingbots in the dead center of the room were scattered by the naughty harlequin clank's death-from-above drop straight from the ceiling. It fell flat onto its front, then jumped up immediately and made a show of brushing itself off.

 ** _"Sic 'em, boys!"_** yelled Agatha. The room became a blur of bronze and copper converging all at once into the center, instantly burying JoJo in a mountain of clockwork contrivances. Agatha's first dingbot stayed on high ground, gesturing to the others as if directing their actions.

Mara secured the prod inside the access room and went to the doorway for a better view of the action. Agatha ran over to join her, grinning.

"It's not elegant," she said, "But sometimes the direct ways are best."

"I hope it doesn't get away," said Mara, watching the scene carefully. Sometimes she caught a glimpse of one of JoJo's limbs peeking out of the swarm, only to be pulled in again. "Agatha, I cannot apologize enough for-"

" _What_ did I just tell you?" she said. "No shame and no apologies."

"But I've caused so much trouble," said Mara. "So much damage. I-I was careless in my design, my execution. I demand so many safety precautions from my own workers, and then... make something like _this_!"

"The dingbots will bring it over here," said Agatha, "And we can deal with it however we like."

"But what about the Castle?" said Mara. "If it caused permanent damage-"

"There are procedures I can follow," she said. "Oh, there they go!"

The swarm of dingbots parted enough to reveal that they had captured the wanton clank. JoJo was in the center, gripped from all sides. They began marching it towards their mistress. JoJo was not visibly resisting, but was looking straight at the women all the while. Mara had not given the clank a way to show expressions, mostly out of a rush to finish the gift for her daughter. The face had been molded and painted to feature a permanent grin and large eyes. Under normal circumstances it appeared quite cheerful, especially to its little mistress Isabel. Nothing had changed about JoJo's face, but the women could swear that it now appeared to be... leering.

Without any command from Agatha, the dingbots began swarming JoJo again, burying it once again in a pile. This time the dingbot pile grew higher and higher, well above any height necessary to immobilize their captive. Agatha furrowed her brow.

"...What are they doing?" Mara asked.

"I have no idea," she said. "Hey! Hey, guys, no need for another dogpile! Just bring it over--! Oh, dear..."

She took a step back, then another, and felt Mara grabbing her from behind and pulling her into the utility closet with her. The two women watched as the swarm of dingbots continued linking together, reshaping their mass into a gestalt... thing... that slowly began forming makeshift limbs, and ultimately a head, for itself. All formed entirely from an interlocking mass of dingbots.

"I swear to you," said Mara, "I had _no_ idea this would happen."

Agatha let out a sad little whimper. The three-meter-high, JoJo/Dingbot mega-clank finished forming itself, and took a moment to stabilize its balance and move its "limbs" about. It swung massive arms from side to side and picked up its feet and legs, then turned its approximation of a face towards the two women. Dingbots with the largest eyes occupied that area of the "head," and a small group of lighter-colored clanks were lined up where a mouth would go. They shifted and contorted themselves until, as one, they formed an upward curve. A "smile." Mara swallowed.

Agatha powered up her death ray.


	13. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--The Return of the Foul Ferretina! (sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just keeps going and going...

\----------------------

"YOU'RE GETTING WARMER..."

 **"Yas, kestle, hyu dun haff to keep sayink dot!"** said the Jägermonster affectionately known as Oggie. He and de leedle Prinzess Isabel were making their way cautiously through the Castle's corridors.

"No, Mr. Oggie," said Isabel, "We need it to keep telling us if we're getting closer to Momma and Lady Agatha! You've played 'Hot and Cold' before, right?"

 **"No,"** he said, **"But hy gets de idea."**

"SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?" asked the Castle.

"I thought we already were?" said Isabel. " 'Hot and Cold?' "

"TO PASS THE TIME," said the Castle/JoJo. "BIG SCARY OGRE, HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED HOPSCOTCH?"

**"No."**

"OHH, YOU'LL LOVE IT!" said the Castle, and suddenly dropped out multiple sections of the floor. One of them was directly in front of Oggie, who just managed to keep his balance and pull Isabel back. She yelped and grabbed his leg tightly. The end result of the Castle's rearrangement of the floor was an extra-large version of the common course of a single block, double blocks, single, double, single, double. Each block was one meter square, which was not the common size at all.

"PLUS OUR USUAL RULE!" it said. " 'THE FLOOR IS LAVA!' "

"What...?" gasped Isabel, and did a fine imitation of her mother's dinner-plate eyes as the holes in the floor began filling in with none other than... magma, or whatever molten substance the Castle/JoJo had managed to procure for their fun. Oggie held out an arm and pushed her back slowly.

"THIS WILL WORK," said the Castle/JoJo. "JUST PRETEND LIKE USUAL!"

"Pretend?" said Isabel. "Pretend?? JoJo, this is real lava! _Where did you get real lava_?"

"OOO, YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD IMAGINATION!" it said.

"We don't need imagination! I can feel the heat from here! JoJo, make the lava go away!"

"NO, NO, IT'S JUST HOT CEREAL OR SOMETHING," it said. "BUT YOU KNOW THE REST! BIG SCARY OGRE, THE RULE IS, YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE FOOT ON EACH SQUARE. JUMP THE GAP, THEN HOP FROM ONE SQUARE TO THE OTHER. AND OH... IF YOU MISS, OR PUT BOTH FEET ON ONE SQUARE, THEN THE SQUARES GO AWAY AND YOU FALL INTO THE 'LAVA!' BUT IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE, YOU'LL BE EVEN WARMER FOR FINDING MOMMA! GET IT? 'WARMER?' "

"That's not funny, JoJo!" said Isabel. "This is dangerous! For-real dangerous, not pretend!"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN?"

 **"Hy seen de Kestle krazy,"** said Oggie, **"But dis iz... _krazy-krazy_! Leedle Princess, vy hyu callink it 'JoJo?'"**

"JoJo's my clank doll," she said, "He's only about this big." She held up her hands to indicate its size. "He got inside the Castle somehow and has done something to it. I... guess I shouldn't have run inside when Poppa said not to. But I didn't know this would happen!"

 **"Dun vorry, leedle Prinzess,"** said Oggie, patting her on the head. **"Hy ken do dis."**

"No, Mr. Oggie!" she said, grabbing his hand. "That's real lava! We'll burn up and die!"

 **"Ve von't,"** he said. **"Hyu gotta trust me."** Oggie put his back to her and knelt down. **"Climb on und hold _tight_!"**

"You're not scared?" she said, haltingly climbing onto his back. "I am."

 **"No, leedle Prinzess,"** he said. **"Und _tighter_! Tight as hyu ken!"**

"I don't wanna choke you!"

Oggie chuckled. **"Dun vorry about _dot_."**

Isabel took several deep breaths before closing her eyes and holding her breath. _It might help with the hot fumes_ , she thought. She wrapped her arms and legs around Oggie with all her might. Satisfied that her grip was now strong enough, Oggie took a few steps back, then ran and leaped across the two-meter gap of lava, deftly landing on one foot. There were a few seconds of unbalance due to Isabel's extra weight on his back, but he adjusted just in time to prevent the dreaded second foot from touching the block.

 **"De two sqvares,"** he said, **"Vun at a time, or togedder?"**

"Together," she whispered. "Both feet at the same time." Those were as many words as she allowed herself. She buried her face into the back of his neck, which offered slight help against the convection. With every leap he made, she let out a little whimper. Two successful jumps so far, and then all of the squares began tilting from side to side. The Castle/JoJo made strange sounds as though moaning, but out of pain or something else, they could not tell. Isabel screamed, but forced her mouth to stay closed as Oggie hopped in place over and over to keep balance. All around them, the floor was rippling like waves in a pond. Bits of lava lapped at the edges of the blocks. Isabel continued her closed-mouth scream even after the Castle's convulsions subsided, and finally stopped. All the while, Oggie's second foot never touched the ground.

 **"No fair!"** he yelled. **"Hy dun miss nothink!"**

"WHAT?" said the Castle/JoJo. "SORRY, THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE. BUT I'M BACK! OH, YOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH! KEEP GOING!"

"JoJo, please!" she cried, keeping her eyes shut. "The heat is so bad! Please put the floor back the way it was!"

 **"No need,"** said Oggie. **"Ve iz done."** She opened her eyes to see that he had hopped through the whole course and was on the other side. He moved far enough away to diminish the heat, then dropped to one knee to let her climb down. She did so cautiously, testing the floor first before dropping to both feet.

"WELL DONE!" said the Castle/JoJo. "AND YOU'RE GETTING WARMER!"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "Thanks." She held onto Oggie's coat as they continued their quest.

 **"Dis JoJo likes de runnink und de jumpink games, yas?"** he said.

"Mostly," she said. "I tried to teach him other games like checkers and chess, but they're too hard for him."

"NO, THEY'RE NOT!"

"Yes, they are," she said. "You keep getting the games confused and don't remember how the chess pieces move. Are we getting warmer?"

"A LITTLE," it said. "I'LL SHOW YOU THAT I GOT THEM RIGHT! I FOUND SOME PIECES, TOO!"

"JoJo, just help us find Momma and Lady Agatha!" she said. "We don't want to play other games!"

"I DO REMEMBER HOW THE PIECES MOVE!" it said, and from every alcove, cubbyhole, niche, recess and corner came clanks. Small, medium and large clanks, counting sixteen in all, but regardless of their size, every one of them had been created to inflict harm. Oggie drew his weapon, bared his teeth and backed up slowly, pushing Isabel behind him. She peeked around him all the while. The clanks marched into a crude approximation of a chess board starting formation. The smallest ones, though all mismatched, formed the front lines for pawns - or minions, as Isabel had learned it - and the larger clanks took up the remaining positions. Isabel watched this from behind Oggie, making a note of what each piece represented according to their position. It was a challenge, given that none of the clanks resembled their respective piece. For instance, the so-called "bishop" pieces resembled a four-armed warrior lizard and a very angry platypus. Not the usual depictions of a religious leader.

"Put those clanks away!" said Isabel. "Let us through!"

"NOT UNTIL I SHOW YOU I CAN PLAY GOOD!" it said. All at once the clanks drew any weapons they had, made growling sounds, and began to advance. Oggie chuckled with glee and twirled his axe. His glee diminished when Isabel suddenly ran between the would-be combatants.

"You don't remember the rules at all!" she said.

**"Leedle Prinzess, get avay! Iz too dangerous!"**

"JoJo, you put everyone back and start over!" she continued.

"BUT-"

"You don't move all the pieces at once!" she said. "Now pay attention and move them like I say to! Go on! Put them all back!"

"OHHHHH..." it complained, but ultimately complied. The hodgepodge of chess clanks resumed their positions. Isabel put her hands behind her back and paced, studying each piece with great intensity. Then she pointed at a minion piece.

"This one moves here, just one square forward!" she said. "And minions only go forward by one square, unless they're diagonal to another piece ahead of them, in which case they can take that piece! Got that?"

"WHAT...?"

"Okay, we'll show you what I mean. Move the minion here! Now!" After a moment of hesitation the minion clank took its step into the next square, which happened to be diagonal to Oggie.

"Now it's our turn!" she said, glancing at him. "See? Mr. Oggie is diagonal, so he can _take your piece_!" With that she ran back to give Oggie room to make his move. He grinned, then with a mighty war whoop, swung his axe clean through the clank, then smashed it several times for good measure.

"NO FAIR!" said the Castle/JoJo. "YOU'RE CHEATING!"

"You take that back!" said Isabel. "I do _not_ cheat at chess! Poppa would never let me do that! I'm helping you remember how to play! Now take your second knight and move it in an L shape! Those can only move in L shapes, remember? G1 to F3!" She pointed out F3's location, then retreated again.

Another hesitation, and then the knight piece in question leaped over the pieces in front to land with a cacophonous thud. It happened to land next to Oggie, who was starting to understand how chess could be enjoyable, after all. The "knight" quickly became a pile of rubble.

Isabel called out more moves to retrain JoJo on the rules. Each piece somehow managed to end up next to or diagonal to Oggie, whom Isabel had declared would have the power of the queen piece. The Castle/JoJo's protestations grew over losing its pieces, until it made yet another accusation of cheating. The pieces designated as the king and queen drew their weapons and moved as one now. Again, Isabel jumped between Oggie and the clanks to yell out the rules.

"The king doesn't move like that!" she said. "Just one square per turn, and it can't move into check!"

 **"THEY'RE A KING AND QUEEN!"** said the Castle/JoJo. **"THEY'RE IN LOVE AND THEY DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER!"**

"You're cheating again!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE SMASHING UP ALL MY PIECES! _YOU'RE_ CHEATING! SO I CAN MAKE UP ANY RULES I WANT, LIKE YOU ARE!"

"JoJo-!"

 **"Move beck, leedle Prinzess,"** said Oggie, pushing her behind himself again. The king and queen advanced step by step and were joined by the remaining clanks as they passed. Between the two of them Oggie and Isabel had managed to eliminate nine of them, leaving seven to approach at once.

"I can still help!" she said, ducking out from behind him and facing the clank mob. "JoJo, stop the rest and move that bishop to here!" Still the clanks advanced.

 ** _"Move! Beck! Leedle! Prinzess!"_** growled Oggie, looking her full in the face. She froze, transfixed by his fearsome look. This was a different look than he'd given her earlier in Mechanicsburg. There was no mirth in it this time. He yelled; she shrieked, then ran behind him and found a nice alcove to peek from. Oggie was free to return his attentions to the clanks. His chuckle was low at first, growing in intensity until it was a full, throaty laugh. He twirled his weapon once more, threw his arms wide, and charged.

**"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"**

*******

Agatha groaned in frustration and lowered the death ray. "Ahhhhh, I can't do it!" she said. "We've been through too much together! They're my babies, you know?"

"Wh-- Wh-What's that now?" said Mara, keeping a wary eye on the giant clank-creature formed from Agatha's little dingbots. The women were still staying safe in the utility closet. JoJo, buried deep inside the clank-creature, was practicing walking around the room and moving its "arms."

"They can't help themselves," she said. "I can't just turn them all to _slag_."

"No, really," said Mara. "I'm fine with you slagging my clank. It's too dangerous now to exist."

"I'm talking about my dingbots, not your clank," said Agatha. "They're-- It's hard to explain, but they're my first - well, second creations that finally _worked_. And they've been so helpful and-- we've just been through so much together. You understand?"

"I... I suppose," said Mara. "But now that I think of it, maybe you shouldn't fire that in here. These books and artifacts - they're all rare or unique, aren't they? They'd be destroyed! Keep trying with the prod, then? One of those frequencies must be the one to dislodge his control from the Castle. And your little clanks, too."

One of the clank-creature's hands suddenly reached inside the closet, knocking Agatha into Mara. The death ray began powering up again. Mara managed to grab it and shut it down while Agatha fell backwards. The clank hand continued reaching inside and grabbing blindly. Mara beat on the "fingers" with the powered-down death ray until it withdrew.

"IS THIS HIDE AND SEEK?" said the Castle/JoJo. "BECAUSE IF IT IS, YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT! I FOUND YOU RIGHT AWAY!"

"That's right, you caught us!" said Mara, helping Agatha back on her feet. "You're very clever at this game!"

"NOW I'LL HIDE!"

"NoNo!" said Mara. "Um... why not do something different? Here's an idea! Show us a dance! Maybe a song, too, if you know any! But just... dance around or something!"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC?"

"Uh..." said Mara, pondering if she should set the prod's frequency back to radio. More polka broadcasts, perhaps.

Agatha patted her arm. "I've got this," she said. "Keep working on that and find whatever will knock it out of my Castle's head!"

"Yes'm," said Mara. Agatha stood in the doorway and began vocalizing - heterodyning, in fact. The song she offered seemed to puzzle the clank-creature at first, possibly from its lack of a proper dance beat. She added more of a melody and increased the tempo; with that the giant clank began shuffling around in something approximating rhythmic movement.

Mara busied herself testing different frequencies. The prod was already turned up to full power as she tried to find what would dislodge the creature. Frustrated, she paused to listen to Agatha's song. For something improvised it had an intriguing melody, but it was the tones she used that penetrated Mara's mind. Somehow Agatha was able to produce more than one note at a time. They were not chords, but their own unique sounds. Mara's eyes dilated. Her mind cleared. And then: such a simple answer, really. More power. She had probably hit the "sweet spot" multiple times, but it was too weak for the clank-creature to detect. Giving it pain would be a different challenge than giving it pleasure.

The death ray would serve a purpose, after all. In a flash the casing was off again, and Mara's hands were a blur as she modified its power source yet again before connecting it to the prod. She took a millisecond or two to review her work; turning it on would either power up the prod like never before, or destroy half the city. She took a quiet breath and turned it on.

JoJo tried to twirl, which was as clumsy as any move it made, and then stumbled. Some of the dingbots fell from the mass and tried to escape, but JoJo stepped on them and re-absorbed them into the fold. Agatha stopped singing. JoJo immediately looked her way and shifted the dingbots forming its mouth into a frown. Agatha resumed singing, then hesitated again when JoJo stumbled a bit, loosing more dingbots than before this time. Mara had found what they were looking for, it seemed. Without looking back, Agatha gestured behind herself and motioned for her to keep doing whatever she was doing.

It was a start, but not enough. The clank-creature was loosening up, but just as quickly recoalescing. Mara fiddled a bit more with the dial, and it took a fall. Unfortunately, so did Mara and Agatha. Whatever "sweet spot" disrupting the clank-creature also hit _their_ nervous systems like a sledge hammer to the head. Both women were conscious, but their limbs twitched and writhed and refused to obey any of their attempts at proper motor function. They may as well have been newborn infants. Any time Mara managed to swing her arm anywhere near the prod, which hung inches above her, another spasm pulled it away. Agatha could not even crawl towards her, only twitch her legs about in an effort to propel her body forward.

In the main room, the clank-creature was now a pile of dingbots, plus one harlequin-like clank. They, too, were jumping and twitching and writhing, but at least one dingbot - Agatha's first - was displaying a mighty resolve to reach its mistress. It crawled while the rest rolled about, even if its progress was measured in centimeters.

Mara managed to swat the prod to the ground, landing close enough to Agatha for her to smack at it repeatedly with any part of her body that she could fling its way. It ended up being her head hitting the dial just enough to switch to a different frequency. The spasms ceased, but it was a few seconds before either woman's brain had recovered enough to allow any motor control. In the main room, the sound of dingbots swarming was heard.

"Of courshe," said Mara with a bit of a slur. "Why not reform? Becaushe it'sh _fun_!"

"Here'sh what we do," said Agatha, equally affected. "We shwitch the prod back to throwing lightning, or I fire up the death ray."

"Oh, but thanksh to me, I made it stronger, remember?" said Mara, sitting up. Her speech was also improving. "Make sure the moon isn't in your way when you turn it on. We'd hate to lose that."

"I'll aim for Mars, then," said Agatha, standing up, but a mite unsteadily. "Maybe prevent an invasion from them, eh?"

"I don't know," said Mara, also on unsteady feet. "I've studied Mars a bit, and I'm not convinced that it could sustain life - or at least, not any species with an intelligence like here. Now, microbes and possibly some multicellular, but still simple, animals _oh, God, what am I doing_??"

"Taking my joke too seriously?"

"Momma?"

Both women froze and locked their gazes. Mara broke away first and crept to the closet's doorway. "No," she whispered. "No, no, please don't-"

"Momma?" said Isabel. She and her Jäger escort were at the library's entrance, peering around the room. Oggie chuckled and pointed at the newly-reformed clank-creature.

 **"Hoy, look at dot,"** he said. **"Iz a lotta leedle clanks, all togedder. Dot's fonny!"**

"Isabel!" Mara called from the other side. "Get out of here! Go!"

"Oggie!" called Agatha. "Get her away from here!"

**"But ve just got here!"**

"LITTLE MIST-! I MEAN, ISABEL!" said the clank-creature. "YOU MADE IT HERE AND FOUND ME! YOU'RE 'RED-HOT!' HOORAY! HEY! NOW GET AWAY FROM HER, MR. OGRE!"

"Oggie! Go!" yelled Agatha. He was about to snatch her up in his arms, when one of the clank-creature's arms swatted him across the room. Mara screamed until seeing her daughter still in the same spot, stunned but not injured. Agatha called to the Jäger and ran across the room to assist. Like Isabel, he was stunned, not injured, but also a mite irritated.

Mara ran to her daughter and swept her up in her arms, hugging her tightly. Isabel hugged back just as hard.

"AWWW, I LIKE WHEN YOU TWO DO THAT," said the clank-creature. "IT'S VERY NICE."

"Shut up!" said Mara. **"Just shut! up!** We are tired of your games! Leave those poor creatures alone and _get out of her castle_!"

"JoJo!" said Isabel. "I'm very upset with you right now! You hurt Mr. Oggie! You are _not_ my friend anymore and I never want to play with you again!"

"NOOO!"

 **"Iz hokeh, leedle Prinzess!"** said Oggie. **"Hy iz not hurt!"**

"Bad timing, Oggie," muttered Agatha. She was behind the clank-creature, and moved quietly and cautiously back to the utility closet. Oggie followed her silent command to return to Isabel's side. Agatha resumed converting the prod back to a lightning stick.

"PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME, ISABEL!" it said. "LET ME SHOW YOU JUST ONE MORE TRICK, OKAY?"

"No, JoJo!"

"JUST ONE MORE! YOU'LL LIKE IT, I PROMISE!"

"No I won't!"

"WATCH AND THEN TELL ME," it said, and stepped back to the center of the room. It stopped moving, and formed an expression that, with some imagination, appeared to be one of concentration. A rumbling spread throughout the library. One by one at first, then in larger and larger groups, books, periodicals, journals, maps and papers of every kind began flying towards the center of the room and towards the clank-creature. The books began attaching themselves to it, like scales on a reptile. Before their eyes the dingbot gestalt disappeared and was replaced by a much larger and thicker _thing_ resembling a librarian's worst nightmare.

"ONE LAST TRICK," it said. "I JUST WANT TO CHEER YOU UP!"

"Do that by getting out of the Castle!"

Oggie grinned at the book-beast, then at Isabel and Mara. **"Heh. Dis iz vy I dun bodder to read-AUUUP!"** A hand made mostly of rolled-up periodicals snatched him up and held on tight. Oggie struggled to free his arms and reach his weapon.

"JoJo!" said Mara. "You put him down immediately _ahhh_!" She pushed away Isabel just before its other hand grabbed Mara and hauled her into the air.

Agatha was curious about the hubbub in the next room, but her task was nearly completed, so she maintained her focus. So focused that she did not notice the _third_ arm that the book-beast had made for itself in order to drag her from the room. Still holding her tools and the lightning stick. Its motions were jerky enough to make her lose her grip on the stick and drop it. She winced and braced herself for it going off accidentally... which did not happen, to the relief of all.

"I TAUGHT MYSELF TO JUGGLE!" said the book-beast. "WATCH!"

"No No No!" said Isabel. "That's people, not toys or junk! Don't juggle!"

"THESE DOLLS?" it said. "JUST WATCH!"

"We are not _dolls_ , you idiot!" said Agatha. "Don't make me- uuuuurgh!"

Clumsily, awkwardly, the book-beast began tossing the three into the air, flipping them over and over in endless somersaults. To its credit it had not yet dropped any of the unwilling juggling props. Isabel yelled and yelled for it to stop, but it seemed not to hear her. Perhaps its "ears" were now too high for the sound to reach her, or perhaps it deliberately ignored her to see its new trick through to the end.

With Oggie's arms free, he was able to draw his weapon and take swings at the book-beast. At best the blade made nicks in the paper; at worst, swung perilously close to the two women flipping about with him. Agatha saw and felt something swing by her face, just missing.

"Oggie!" she said. "Was that your axe? Stop that!"

**"Vot else ken hy do? Hy dun like beink juggled!"**

"Isabel!" said Mara. "I can't see you, honey! Wherever you are, get out of here! Go, run out of the room and keep safe!"

"Momma, I wanna help you!" she said.

"No, baby!" said Mara. "Don't worry about us; we'll figure something out! Just get away!"

"What's this thing?" she said, pointing at the lightning stick. "Will it stop him?"

"I don't know what you mean!" said Mara. "Please! Just go! Don't look back!"

"ISABEL, LOOK!" it said. "ARE YOU SEEING THIS? I PRACTICED EVERY NIGHT WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING!"

"Yeah, it's great," said Isabel, picking up the stick. "You can stop now!"

"WATCH THIS PART!" it said, and changed its throwing pattern so the three of them were being tossed even faster. Agatha began letting out a long, low groan.

"IIIII am about to lose everything in my bowels," she moaned.

"JoJo!" said Isabel, brandishing the stick. "You stop this now or I'll... I'll turn this thing on, and you'll be sorry!"

"Turn what on?" said Agatha. "Wait - are you talking about the lightning stick?? I wasn't done with it! Isabel, don't-!"

Isabel had run behind the book-beast, which was confused and looking about for her, and shoved the business end of the lightning stick into its leg. She switched it on, and wave after wave of electrical arcs ran from its bottom to its top, and back again. Paper began to smoke, metal began to buckle and crack, and three figures were spared being burned to ash thanks to spending most of their time in the air, but when the slightest contact was made, it coursed through their bodies, too.

The book-beast staggered forward, dropping Mara's and Agatha's unconscious bodies to the floor. Then it staggered backward, lost all cohesion, and began falling apart into a mountain of paper and clanks. And Isabel was directly under this. She had no time to dodge, only to scream. While half of the library and Agatha's little clanks began to fall onto her, a third figure hit the ground, then leaped inside of the avalanche.


	14. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--Chess can be fun if you have the right pieces  
> \--Dingbots, Books, and Lightning don't mix well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally escaped from Livejournal in Dec 2012.  
> Whereabouts unknown, but last answered to the name "Jolly Old Tom."
> 
> Have at thee!

\-----------------------

Stillness. Silence. Then a quiet moan. Mara was able to open her eyes before she could speak or move anything else. She blinked several times, then twitched some fingers, slowly working her hands and arms into something resembling deliberate movement. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and blinked some more, looking groggily about the room that smelled oddly like a tobacco shop.

Behind her, she heard the muffled sound of someone coughing. And again; now it was clear that it was a child's cough. She pondered this for a moment, until her mind suddenly snapped back into reality. " _Isabel!_ " she cried, scrambling immediately to her feet and whirling about. There was a mountain of smoking books and little clanks, most intact, but some showing signs of scorching and buckled metal. Mara hesitated for a second, then cried out again and began grabbing books, papers and clanks and flinging them aside. Sometimes she stooped down to dig through the pile like a dog, legs spread and shoveling debris through them.

" _Isabel!_ " she cried. "Talk to me, baby! _Please!_ "

"Momma?" came a tiny, muffled voice. Mara laughed and cried all at once, and did not slow down her digging.

"Oh, baby, I'm coming!" she said. "Just hold on, sweetie! I'm coming for you!" Without losing momentum, she looked over to Agatha, who was still prone. "Agatha? Are you all right?" She had managed to carve away a small path to the center of the pile and was working on those books now. Agatha groaned and rolled onto her back, splaying her arms.

Her voice was faint at first. "Uhhh, who has deactivated my beautiful frogs?"

"Sorry?" said Mara, glancing her way the briefest of moments while still digging. "I don't see any fr-"

Suddenly Agatha sat bolt upright. "For SCIENCE!" she cried. "Wait, what's going...? Hey!" She scrambled to her feet, then suddenly leaped onto another part of the book pile. "Got you!!"

"What are you-?" said Mara. "Oh!" Agatha was smiling and holding up none other than JoJo. Not a construct animated by it or another gestalt or another clank, but the naughty, nasty, harlequin clank doll itself. It struggled and hit and kicked, but was not strong enough to cause injury or even pain.

"Where's Isabel?" said Agatha. "And Oggie?"

"Where do you think??"

 **"Under here, Mistress!"** Oggie's voice came from the pile. **"Ve's hokeh!"**

"Isabel, are you hurt?" said Mara.

"No, Momma!" she said. "Mr. Oggie is covering me!"

"Oggie, don't stand up!" said Agatha, using her free hand to help pull away books. "It could end up falling on top of her!" She stopped digging suddenly, and seemed lost in thought.

"What are you doing?" said Mara. "Please help me!"

"Dingbots!" said Agatha. "Move out!" With that, every dingbot under the pile that was still ambulatory moved away from the center of the room and off to parts unknown. The mountain reduced in size substantially. That was enough to let Mara finish her work quickly.

Oggie's back was cleared of debris, allowing him to stand up at last, revealing Isabel, wholly unharmed, underneath him. Mara laughed and pulled her daughter to her feet. She lost her balance in the process and fell onto her back, holding Isabel close to her chest. After a moment, she hugged and kissed her daughter, laughing and crying.

"Momma?" said Isabel. "Are you happy or sad?"

"Happy, sweetie," she said. "So very happy."

"Okay," said Isabel. "But you're crying, too. That's not logical."

Mara stared at her daughter a moment, then laughed again. "No, it isn't, sweetie. It isn't at all."

A hand appeared near Mara's face. No. A claw-like hand, at best. She looked up to see Oggie standing over them, silently offering assistance. She stared at him a few seconds before gingerly taking his claw, and grunted as she and Isabel were yanked to their feet effortlessly.

"Er... Er..." she said, still staring at him. Oggie just grinned. She set Isabel onto her feet and watched in wonder as her daughter wrapped her arms around the Jäger's legs and hugged him there, as only a child could do.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Oggie," she said. He knelt down and tucked a claw under her chin.

**"Just Oggie,"** he said. **" 'Meester' dun suit me."**

"Oh, I was taught to always use proper addresses when speaking to or about adults," she said. Despite herself, Mara laughed, then made herself look the Jäger in the eyes.

"Mister--" she started, then composed herself again, "That is... _Oggie_... I... Wh-what you just did for her... That is, you were... I-I don't know how to thank you. You were protecting her all this way? All through the Castle?"

 **"Sure, yas,"** he said with a shrug. **"Hyu know, ve looks after de Heterodynes."**

"Oh, so you _do_ know about them?" said Agatha. "Mara and her children?"

 **"Sure, dey gots de shmell und de voice,"** he said. **"Mmm, maybe not zo much de voice. Not like _hyu_..."**

"Yes, well, I got _something_ good from my mother," said Agatha.

"Sir," said Mara, "I... I am in your debt. Truly. Without you, she-- I'm sorry, I can't let myself think about what could have happened."

**"Really, iz nottink."**

"Lady Agatha, may I see JoJo?" said Isabel.

"Certainly," she said, glancing at Mara, who was shaking her head. "But I'm going to hold him, all right? Look, but don't touch."

"Okay," said Isabel, and stared at her old toy. It stared back, and reached out its arms to her. She glared. "No, JoJo! You have been very, very, very, very, very, **very** bad, and I'm never going to play with you again!" It clasped its hands together and mimed a begging action. "Stop that! You tried to hurt everyone! You're mean and evil and you should be melted down!"

"Isabel!" said Mara, pulling her away. "Please, honey, you must calm yourself. It-- He was only doing what he was _made_ to do. Inside the Castle, he didn't know his own strength and didn't understand the scale. Everything _seemed_ small and harmless, even if it wasn't."

"I don't care!" she said. "He wouldn't listen to me and didn't do what I said!"

"Well..." said Mara. "That _was_ very bad. But he can't hurt you anymore. See? Lady Agatha has him now and will dispose of him."

"Uh..." said Agatha. "Mmmaybe not right away."

"Sorry?"

"Well, this little thing packed quite a punch," she said. "At the very least, it discovered a hole in the Castle's security. And the way it interfaces with just about any system and dominates them? Very much worth looking into! Do you still have its designs?"

Mara just stared.

"Mara?"

She started, then blinked a few times as though waking up. "Uh... For that? I-I don't think I made any designs. I just sort of... cobbled it together quickly. Yes, I recall that I was in a bit of a crunch at the time, and it was near Christmas, so I made it quickly for her. Please understand that it's really not typical of how I work. Everything else I've made back home has been meticulously designed and tested. So... you're going to keep it and study it?"

"You're not imagining the possibilities here?"

"I-I suppose it depends on where your imagination leads you?"

**"HERRRE VE COME TO SAVE DE DAYYYYYYY!!"**

Two Jäger burst into the room, making an attempt at singing, but no prizes for anyone today. Dimo and Maxim, weapons drawn, took opposite positions. They were quickly followed by Airman Higgs, Violetta, Kelvin and Zeetha. Oggie pointed and laughed at his companions.

 **"Ha!"** he said. **"De day iz already saved!"**

 **"Vot?"** said Maxim, lowering his weapon. **"Nottink to fight?"**

 **"Vot iz dis?"** said Dimo. **"Hyu just sat around readink?"** The Jägerkin reunited and chattered quietly amongst themselves. "-Und I lorned how to play chess!"

"Mara! Isabel!" cried Kelvin, then found them quickly and raced over. The Mousehearts formed a "family bubble" of themselves and were oblivious to all else for the time being.

Violetta casually stepped forward and took in the scene, then whistled at the mess. "We've seen worse," she said, "But usually the damage was _intentional_. A shame we missed this party."

"Some other time," said Agatha sternly. She held out JoJo. "And here. Take this and don't let it get away!"

" _This_ is what caused all the trouble?"

Agatha nodded. "Zeetha! Are you all right? You look unsteady."

Zeetha threw up her arms in frustration. "Fine! I have a concussion! Is everyone happy now?"

"Nnnnno, we're not happy you have a concussion," said Agatha. "Higgs, you’ll see to her, won’t you?"

"Of course, ma'am," he said. Zeetha glared, but allowed him some amount of fussing.

Agatha looked up. "Castle?" she said, and waited. " **Castle**?"

"OHHHHHH..."

"Castle?" she said. "Are you functional?"

Mara pulled herself out of the "Mouseheart Bubble" and stood near Agatha. "Is there anything I can do to help?" she said. Agatha held up a hand.

"HMMMMMMM..."

"Castle, are you able to speak?" she said. "Has your A.I. been fully corrupted?" Mara let out a little groan. "Is there anything you can say right now?"

"MMMMM, YESSS," it said, speaking very slowly. "FAUSSSTUSSS TAUGHT ME A SSSONG. WOULD YOOOU LIKE TO HEARRR IT?"

"A song?" said Agatha. "Not really. Castle, I'm going to be checking your systems now, so-"

"DAIIIISY... DAIIISY... GIVE ME YOUR ANNSSSWER DO..."

"Castle, no more singing! Please!" said Agatha. "Don't bother with talking right now, either, all right? You're going to be _just fine!_ "

"Are you certain there's nothing I can do to help?" said Mara.

"I've got this," said Agatha. "There are different things I can do. If the AI doesn't recover on its own, it's not ideal, but I could restore a previous copy of its systems. It's a recovery process I added recently. It keeps copies of itself back to two weeks. If I have to, I can restore its whole system from two... let's say three days ago, just to be safe."

"Oh," said Mara, nodding. "Oh, that's an excellent idea! Meaning, three days ago it wouldn't have been corrupted, yes? Huh! You've made a time machine of sorts."

"Not quite," said Agatha. "Just copies of old data. Of course... You know... If I do that, there's a chance that it'll lose the information about your being... you know..."

"It'll 'forget' that I'm a Heterodyne," said Mara.

"Maybe," she said. "I don't know for certain."

Mara considered this a moment, then sighed and shrugged. "Well, if it does," she said. "I'm _not_ going through that test again. Yes, even knowing that I'd pass."

"But the Castle wouldn't accept you as a Heterodyne," said Agatha.

"Yes, yes, we know all that," said Mara. "I'm first and always a Mouseheart. Anything else is icing for that cake."

"Well..." said Agatha, "It's just fair warning."

"Thank you," said Mara. "And please do tell us how we can compensate any damage caused by... all this."

"Uhh, honey?" said Kelvin, putting an arm around her. "Let's not go promising the world to people again."

She shrugged him off. " 'Promising the world.' Honestly! Look around this room! Around the whole place! All of this was my fault! All of this! My careless work! My incomp-!"

"You know what?" said Agatha, holding up her hands, "Why don't we _not_ worry right now about cost of damages, and compensation, and all that? For one thing, the Castle has self-repair capabilities, and the other thing is... Well, even if  it loses the information about you, I won't. You're family, Mara. You're a Heterodyne. And so are you, Isabel! And your brothers!"

"Yayyyy!" she said, throwing up her arms. "Momma, what's a Hettadyne?"

Mara smiled and pulled her daughter close. "Later, honey. Agatha, I didn't mean to come across as unenthusiastic about this. It's just been so unexpected that... But please understand that your acceptance means a lot to me. I just need some time to process this. We'll, uh... We should leave you to your work, then."

"Thank you all," said Kelvin, addressing everyone else in the room. "Thank you all for getting me back to my daughter. We are in your debt."

The group's general reaction was to play down their efforts, having done just that sort of thing many times before, and usually under worse circumstances. The Mousehearts smiled and waved and began making their way from the room, but then were blocked by the Jägerkin.

"Mr. Oggie?" said Isabel. "Are you gonna come with us?"

 **"Dot vould be nize, leedle Prinzess,"** he said with a wink.

 **"Mistress?"** said Dimo to Agatha, who gave him a curious look. He nodded his head towards Mara and her family. **"Iz hokeh?"** She looked one to the other for a moment, until a figurative light went on. She nodded.

"Gentlemen?" said Kelvin. "Is there something... ah...?" His words slowed, then halted, as the three Jägerkin bowed their heads and knelt before him. No, not before him. Before his wife. And his daughter.

Dimo looked up while the others kept their heads bowed. **"Ve iz Jägerkin,"** he said. **"Und ve sorve de Heterodynes."**

Mara was already trying to convey through gesture her nevousness. "Oh, oh, please get up," she said. "I-I-- There's no need for this. Truly." The Jäger complied, then stared at her as if waiting for orders. She looked to Agatha, who nodded again, adding a small smile. "You serve Agatha, not me," she continued. "She's your Mistress."

 **"Oh, yas,"** said Dimo. **"But eff hyu effer need os-"**

"We'll see," said Mara quickly. "We shall see. Yes, we greatly appreciate your offer."

"You can come home with us!" said Isabel. "I'll show you that Guildern _isn't_ boring!"

"Honey..." said Mara, "Sweetie, let the adults talk. Gentlemen, you don't need to come home with us. You go where you wish. Sorry, I meant where Agatha wishes. Sorry."

 **"A leedle uv both, Prinzess,"** said Dimo. **"But iz our duty to tell hyu dese tings."**

"Thank you, yes," she said. "Thank you all. All of you!" she added, addressing the whole group as Kelvin had before. He put his arm around her again and begin guiding her from the room.

"Let's get back to the others," he said. "Oh, maybe Otilia will let us ride her back? I think you'll like her."

"Who-what now?"

"You'll see, honey," he said. "You'll see."


	15. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--It's another fine mess they've gotten themselves into!  
> \--No, really. There's a lot of stuff to clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally escaped from Livejournal in 2012.  
> Agatha decides on some Girl (Genius) Talk

\---------------------

Agatha did ultimately resort to resetting the Castle's systems with a three-day-old copy. It was the quickest and least painful way to flush out the corruptions of JoJo the Jocular Clank. The most important piece of information lost was her head cook's perfect pecan pie recipe, perfected only the day before and now requiring hours to reteach the Castle its ingredients and preparation. Runners-up were the radio settings for Zeetha's and Higgs' music player, Violetta's personal bests on her exercise equipment, and the "sleep numbers" for Moloch's and Snaug's special, Spark-designed bed. Just getting him to go near the device, let alone sleep on it, had been quite an effort on her part. Other than this, having the Castle back to its old self and not slowly singing old standards was "mission accomplished."

The Mousehearts had decided to spend their final night in Mechanicsburg somewhere other than the Castle. They cared not where, as long as the rooms were clean and comfortable. A carriage had been called and would be arriving in the next hour or so. Kelvin and Daphne were in one room, packing up her and the children's belongings. Mara was in the master guest room with Silas, whom she had just finished nursing and set down in his cradle for his nap. She was in charge of packing her and Kelvin's things. The door had been left ajar so that nobody needed to knock to enter.

There was a soft knocking on the door. She frowned and hurried over to shush whomever it was. Agatha, Violetta and Zeetha were there. Agatha was holding an elegant, hinged, wooden box.

"Oh, hello!" Mara whispered. "I thought you might be Daphne. Did you want to come in?"

"Are we interrupting?" said Agatha.

Mara put a finger to her mouth. "Oh, not at all!" she whispered. "Please do come in! But...I just put the baby down for his nap, so would you mind please whispering, or speaking softly?"

"No problem!" said Agatha.

Mara opened the door all the way for them, then returned to the packing. "And I hope you don't mind if I work while we talk?"

"Not at all," said Agatha, speaking softly to honor her request. "It's a shame you won't be staying here another night."

"Ah..." said Mara, "Well, I was outvoted. In spite of all that's happened, I would have liked staying."

"Did you decide where you'll be in town?"

"Uh..." said Mara, straining to remember. "I think it's called the 'Come On Inn?' Something punny like that."

"The Common Inn?" said Agatha. "That's not very posh. I recommend the Hidey Hotel. Just drop my name and they'll treat you like royalty."

Mara stared at her and blinked a few times.

"And you're already royalty," said Agatha. "You know what I mean."

Mara shrugged. "Whatever has enough room for us and is clean and so forth," she said. "I was wondering, um... Dare I ask about the clank? Is it safe? Secure? There's nothing for it to connect to and control, yes?"

"It's secure," said Violetta. "So. You're a Heterodyne."

"It appears so, ma'am."

Agatha held out the box she'd brought. "Speaking of which," she said, "I brought you something as a parting gift."

"Oh, you didn't have to," said Mara, taking the box and admiring the workmanship of it before opening it. She gasped quietly and smiled. Inside was a set of Heterodyne trilobite insignias.

"Suitable for jewelry or framing," said Agatha. "Even a choker like mine." She touched hers out of habit. "Maybe not _exactly_ like mine."

"Oh, Agatha," said Mara. "I don't know what to say. These are all so lovely. I know that Isabel in particular would love one of these to wear. She's very excited about being a 'Hettadyne.' She's... quite excitable in general, as you might have noticed."

"I might have."

"And is in 8,000 kinds of trouble," said Mara. "She ran back inside, blatantly defying her father's orders, and put all of you in danger! Wouldn't leave when we told her to, used your lightning stick when you said not to... Oh, and Zeetha, I've been thoughtless. How are you faring?"

Zeetha clenched her teeth. "Just _fine_ ," she said, and muttered something unintelligble.

"We've stood worse," said Violetta.

"Other than the ringing in my head," said Zeetha, "It was kind of fun. Nothing like a good tiger-clank ride!"

"Er..." said Mara, "Yes, well, we truly, _truly_ appreciate what you did for us. I-I just... her behavior of late has been maddening! Do you know that, when they were in town, she tried to pick a fight with your Jäger friends? I almost lost my mind when Daphne told us that! It's a miracle that no harm came to anyone. I can't even let myself think about what _could_ have happened! For the time being, she'll be grounded a good long time and not allowed to play with any toys or tools."

"Ooo!" said Agatha as though personally injured. "No tools? Do you think that's too much? She's only four."

Mara scoffed. "Hardly," she said. "Four, but I needn't tell you that she's at least twice that intelligent. She understands perfectly well the severity of her behavior. We have other punishments in mind, for when we return home. She's been _far_ too reckless lately."

"{cough}Spark{cough}," said Violetta. Agatha nudged her in the ribs.

Mara pretended not to have heard. She closed the box and set it aside. "Agatha," she said, "Would you be offended if we -- that is, my family -- didn't immediately disclose our new lineage?"

"Oh?"

"Another secret?" said Violetta.

Mara suppressed a frown. "It would be more accurate to call it 'unannounced,'" she said. "'Secret' implies something that's never meant to be known. I'm not in favor of hiding the family ties indefinitely, but Kelvin and I have discussed it, and we need to discuss it further with his parents - the King and Queen - back home. We need to have a plan for it. This sort of thing becoming public would greatly change things in Guildern."

"How so?" said Agatha.

"How do I put this...?" said Mara, and pursed her lips in thought. "Agatha, you must know what I mean? Let's say that the known world suddenly learned about me and the children. What do you think would happen?"

Agatha thought a moment, then: "Chaos," she said. "People and creatures and armies and who knows what else crawling out of every corner, advancing on Guildern and either demanding proof of your heritage, declaring war, trying to kidnap, kill or control you and/or your children. I know, because that's pretty much what happened to me."

Mara forced a smile. "Then you understand our hesitancy at bringing that down upon us? Guildern is a peaceful kingdom. We have no grand army or impressive weaponry or even defenses. Just an internal peacekeeping force. Constables and guards. War and bloodshed is not our way."

"It's not _mine_ , either, if you must know," said Agatha.

"Please forgive me, I didn't mean to imply-"

"I haven't finished," said Agatha. "What you'd also get would be allies. Me, for one. The Jägerkin. Maybe even the Storm King and Knights of Jove. More than you'd know who've pledged support or even fealty to the family. The important thing is, Mara: you wouldn't be alone. Do you think I accomplished what I have all by myself?"

"No, of course n-"

"For starters, and without exaggeration, I'd be dead a dozen times over if not for these two right here," she said, indicating Violetta and Zeetha, who smirked and flashed their eyebrows at Mara. Agatha stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "Look, whatever you decide, I'll support it. If you need it 'unannounced,' they won't hear it from Mechanicsburg. Right, ladies?" The other women mumbled in the affirmative. "And _when_ you do make it public, I'll stand with you, then, too."

"I greatly appreciate that."

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she said. "The Castle: it _does_ remember who you are."

"Oh?"

"It turns out that that data is stored in its own system," said Agatha. "The basic A.I. was corrupted, but not the system that determines Heterodyne lineage. That part is separate and incorruptible. At the very least, you won't have to endure the test again."

 **"WELCOME HOME, MY LADY,"** said the Castle. Cue the stirring and eventual crying of a now-awakened Silas.

Mara clenched her fists and grunted in frustration. "Was it _programmed_ to have such awful timing??" she said, picking up Silas and cooing and patting him in efforts to calm him.

"Do you need us to leave?" said Agatha. Mara shook her head quickly. She swung him back and forth gently, then began touching various parts of his body. To an untrained eye it would appear that she was simply caressing him randomly, but Violetta could tell that she was following a pattern. Mara ended her routine on his face, and by the time she was stroking his cheek, he had fallen back to sleep. Mara smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

"That, I didn't expect," said Violetta. "Pressure points, hm?"

"Sorry?" she said, snapping to attention. "Mm, yes, you're correct. My father taught me to cause pain and even paralysis, but I found someone who showed me how to facilitate healing. Calmness. I've tried to teach it to Kelvin, but he just doesn't seem to have the knack for it."

She started to put Silas back into his cradle, when Agatha held out a hand. "Do you mind if, uh, if I look at him for a moment?" she said.

"Not at all."

Agatha leaned closer and watched him. She seemed to be studying his features. "I see a lot of Kelvin in him," she said. "Especially in the septum, nasal-alar furrow, brow ridge and corneas. But his cranial shape is definitely modeled after yours."

Mara traded brief looks with Violetta and Zeetha. "Thank you," she said, almost as a question.

"It looks like _he_ was outvoted, too," said Agatha with a wink. "He looks quite content here. Hey, little cousin!" She wiggled her fingers at him, though he did not see them.

"Mmm, do you... want to hold him?" said Mara.

Agatha held up both hands. "I couldn't," she said. "I'd break him, I'm sure. At the very least, wake him. But he is the... cutest darn baby I've ever seen!" Mara watched her a moment, then smiled a little and started again to put him into the cradle. Agatha pulled her back gently. "Wait," she said. "I'm being silly. This is my cousin, after all. I _should_ hold him. You just need to show me how."

Mara handed him over and quickly adjusted her hold for her so it was proper and natural. Silas remained asleep throughout. Agatha began rocking him a little. Mara stopped her when she started increasing the speed. "Now _that_ would wake him," she explained.

Agatha apologized quietly, then grinned at her companions and brought Silas closer to them. Violetta was indifferent; Zeetha was curious and leaned closer. Like Agatha, she seemed to be studying him as opposed to admiring him. Nevertheless Mara looked on with pride. After several minutes of cooing, Agatha seemed satisfied, and carefully handed him back to Mara, who placed him back into his cradle.

"Ladies," said Agatha to her friends, "Do you mind if the two of us... er, alone?"

They traded looks, then begrudgingly made their exit. Violetta threw one last look at Mara before leaving and shutting the door behind herself.

Mara sighed. "I wish I knew why she's so..." She gave up on finding the right word and threw up her hands.

"If you mean Violetta, I think she does like you," Agatha said. "She just can't figure you out."

"Well..." said Mara, "I'll just keep smiling and being polite. I truly _do_ like her. And Zeetha, even if she didn't remember me," she added with a chuckle. "But really: how is she?"

"She had a mild concussion," said Agatha, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Easily recovered from, as long as she sticks to her treatment. I believe that Mr. Higgs will see to that."

"Oh, thank goodness," she said. "And your staff? The ones that were almost suffocated? Are they well?"

"They've all recovered," said Agatha. "Thank you for asking. Meanwhile, I thought we'd have a few words in private. I have a question for you, and... I hope you won't take offense to it." Mara shrugged, then beckoned her to continue. "You're self-taught. Aren't you?"

Mara pondered her answer a moment. "For the most part, yes," she said. "It's only since meeting Kelvin that I've even had the opportunity for an education. Before then I had something of a 'mental block,' as you know. But ever since, I've been reading and studying and practicing whatever I can. We've managed to find instructors for some areas, but overall... Yes. I'm self-taught."

"First, that is very impressive," said Agatha. "But at the same time, there's something to be said about formal education. A _university_ education. Controlled classroom experiments. Experienced instructors." Mara tried to interject, but she held up a hand. "But I do realize that your current life probably doesn't afford you the time for it." Mara nodded and looked down. "If I may make the suggestion, the more instructors - Spark ones, of course - that you can find and use, the better. Also, I think you'd benefit from a mentor. Not to mention finding Sparks that you actually _can_ work with."

"Yes, that's certainly been a challenge," said Mara. "It's because I won't compromise what I'm trying to accomplish for the kingdom. Finding other Sparks who share the same goals has been unsuccessful so far."

"I'll concede that the majority of us are, um, madboys and girls," she said. "But I doubt that you can be the only Spark in town forever. You're going to work yourself to death; am I correct?"

"You're quite perceptive," said Mara. "One of the reasons we're here is... Well, Kelvin practically dragged me here." She gasped. "Oh, that sounded awful! I didn't mean because I didn't want to see you! Of course I did! _Do!_ He was dragging me away from my workshop."

"I understand completely, my dear," said Agatha with a smile. "Let's see if I can help. I have a few names I can send your way. A nice couple in particular who could use some steady work. You talk to them and see what you think."

"Oh, thank you so much. I look forward to meeting them."

"One's a cousin, so be extra nice!" said Agatha. "On my mother's side, though. Not officially a Heterodyne. Second, about the mentor... Hmmm... I can think of a few names. But then, it's said that charity begins at home. Mara, would you be willing to accept _me_ as your mentor?"

She was struck speechless, and seemed unable to nod or shake her head, either.

Agatha narrowed her eyes. "I can't tell if you're amenable to that or not?"

"I..." said Mara, swallowing. "I-I just don't know what to say. That's all. I mean... Of course I'd accept you as a mentor! I-I'd be honored! I-I just would never have asked, because..." She trailed off. Agatha strained to hear, in case she was whispering even more quietly.

"What? Because what?"

"Oh," said Mara, "Well, you know. All the trouble I caused. I expected you to never want to _see_ me again, never mind offering to _mentor_ me. Words can't really express how sor-"

"So help me," said Agatha, "If you apologize _one more time_..."

Mara stopped talking, and seemed genuinely at a loss for words.

"I already told you," said Agatha, "No apologies. There was no malicious intent, right?" Mara nodded. "Then there's nothing to apologize for. This is what Sparks _do_. Tinker and learn, tinker and learn. Try not to get blown up. Especially if they're new at it."

"I've... But it's been two years for me."

"Yes, but you've been working in a vacuum," she said. "Hence my offer. You said something earlier about Guildern having no 'grand army' or 'impressive weaponry or defenses?' What just happened here?"

"...I'm not sure that I-?"

"Your 'cobbled together' toy brought the Castle to its figurative knees," said Agatha. "A toy!"

"But-"

"Imagine if you'd really been _trying_ ," she said. "Imagine if, instead of playing, its purpose was to compel the Castle to kill everyone and then install you as its new Mistress."

"Oh, my _God_ , I would _never_ -!"

"And I'm not suggesting that you would," said Agatha. "Hear me out now. Self-taught. No designs, no plan, just letting the fugue state take you wherever it goes. And that little, but _powerful_ clank is what you made. And you had my death ray for less than a minute, and made it stronger and more energy-efficient. That's _power_ , Mara. It's not to be feared, or ashamed of, or apologized for. Controlled, yes. I'll help you with that. You send me your designs, and I'll critique them. It would be _my_ honor to do that for you. What's family for, right?" Mara blushed and smiled awkwardly. "Your kingdom is not helpless. It has you."

"I..." she said. "This isn't something that's my decision alone. Bringing weapons to Guildern. Even if for defense. We have always been neutral so as to be welcoming to everyone from all lands. Of course, your being family makes an automatic alliance."

"Then things _have_ changed," said Agatha, "Whether you announce yourself or not. You know what your choice is: hide what you are from the world, including our alliance, or reveal yourself. For the latter, I would advise that you first strengthen your defenses. A _lot_. Protecting your kingdom and your family is foremost, isn't it?"

"Of course," said Mara. "I know I'm being a hypocrite. Violetta is correct: I have continued practicing combat, both unarmed and armed. So that I'd always have a hope of protecting my family. I may not have _liked_ what my father taught me, but it's all I have to offer them. And it's still a good workout."

"That's not _all_ you have to offer them," said Agatha, tapping the side of her head. "Your _real_ power is in here. Never forget that."

"If... If you knew some of the horrifying ideas lurking inside me," she said. "Trying to be made real."

"Send them to me," said Agatha. "I'll let you know how 'horrifying' they really are."

"Kelvin has been my 'conscience' so far," she said. "But he's not a Spark. He doesn't understand what my designs are really doing. But someone like _you_ , who could-- I don't know how to thank you for this. For everything."

"Be a good Heterodyne," said Agatha, standing up. "And you'll do that by taking yourself as far as you can go, and then going farther. Hm. That does sound terribly cliche."

Mara smiled, then laughed. "Yes, but it's true." She took one of Agatha's hands, then leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"I love you, Cousin Agatha."

"Likewise, Cousin Mara."

\--To be concluded


	16. The Pauper Princess and the Born Legacy, Part 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story So Far (post the PP and the Spark's Holiday):  
> \--Agatha makes promises that she may or may not be able to keep (but hopes to)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Exciting Conclusion, with all the long, quiet dialogue scenes that you've come to love!

\-----------------------

From the Castle's main entrance Agatha and Violetta watched the controlled chaos that was the Mouseheart's departure preparations. Moloch and Snaug still had luggage duty, but this allowed them and Daphne to trade proper goodbyes and promises to begin correspondence. The Jägerkin stood to one side, watching the scene with some amusement.

Daphne brought Edward and Silas to the two women for their farewells; Agatha expressed regret that she had not spent more time with Edward, and promised to make up for it later. Learning that he was a "Hettadyne" seemed to have no impact on the two-year-old, but her small gift of interlocking spare parts did. Spark or not, he'd have something to tinker with. She had nothing for Silas but more cooing and a kiss on the cheek. Violetta teased her about not gifting him with a set of Baby's First Power Tools.

In contrast Isabel was excited to have a new family member, but her mood was subdued thanks to the stern talking-to she'd received from both parents for her reckless behavior. They brought her to Agatha and Violetta for her goodbyes. To all of their surprise, after trading hugs, she became solemn and still.

"Cousin Agatha," she said, struggling to make eye contact, "Miss Violetta. I want you to know that I'm very, very, _very_ sorry for all the trouble I caused. You and Poppa said stay out of the Castle, and I went in, anyway, and then Miss Zeetha got hurt, and then everyone was in danger because of me. And Cousin Agatha, you said don't turn on your stick, but I did anyway and... and everyone almost died. And I lost JoJo in the first place, so _everything_ is my fault!"

"Oh, honey," said Mara, putting an arm around her, "That's not what we've been saying at all. You just need to understand how important it is to listen to your elders, especially when they're trying to keep you safe."

Isabel sniffled; her eyes were watering and her voice quavering. "But you made me responsible for him and then I lost him as soon as we got here, and then he tried to hurt everyone, and I should've stayed outside but I didn't, and then Mr. Oggie--" Her words were lost in full tears now. Mara and Kelvin made efforts to calm her, but Agatha held up her hand.

"I can fix this," she said, kneeling down. She tucked a hand under the girl's chin. "Hey, Isabel," she said gently. "Look at me. Come on, look at me." Isabel made herself do so. "Do I look angry?" The child just stared. "Do I seem angry to you?" Isabel shook her head. "Because I'm not. But I agree, you need to listen to your elders about things you do understand yet. You're new here and didn't know what things the Castle, or even your toy clank, can do. But now you know how dangerous they can really be, especially when not working right. But the Castle is being fixed, and JoJo's with me now and can't hurt anyone anymore."

" _Good_ ," she said with unexpected venom.

"Besides," said Agatha, ruffling the girl's hair, "I'm a Spark. I get _bored_ when there's nothing to make, study or repair. Now I have all three! So, yes, what you did was wrong, but there was _some_ good that came from it. Okay?"

"...Okay," said Isabel, and fell into another hug that lasted a while. Mara and Kelvin traded looks, impressed. The cousins parted, and Isabel turned to her parents.

"May I say goodbye to Mr. Oggie and his kin?" she asked.

"Yes, you may," said Kelvin. "Then you need to go wait in the carriage."

"Yes, Poppa!" she said, and almost bounded off to the Jägerkin, but first waved to the two ladies. "Okay, I love you, bye-bye!" Now she bounded away. 

Her parents beamed. Mara alternated looking from her to Agatha and back before settling on Agatha and winking. Kelvin then went to Violetta and did not bother with any tricks, but blatantly took her hand and kissed it. This brought about a rare smile from her. Then he stood before Agatha and held out his arms for an embrace.

"I don't get a hand kiss?" she said, pouting. "But I like those."

"Well, you're family," said Kelvin. "But I can't bear to see that sad face, so--" He repeated his smooth move for Agatha's sake, then moved in for a warm hug and finished with a kiss on her forehead. She and Mara caught themselves giggling in the same gawky way. They stopped themselves abruptly in embarrassment.

"You know," said Agatha, "We never did get the chance for you to pick out something from my workshop, as I’d said you could."

Mara eyed her curiously, then remembered. "In the library? Oh, please, you've been beyond generous to us. I wasn't even thinking about that."

"But I'm a woman of my word, so I picked this out as a compromise," she said, pulling out a tool from behind her back. "It's one of my favorites." Mara's eyes went wide. She giggled and clapped her hands while running in place, then took it and held it close to her chest.

"Honey!" she said. "Honey, this is a _ten_ -speed aligning spanner with power torque! I only have the _three_ -speed at home! Ohhh, Agatha, this is perfect! Thank you so much! I can guarantee it'll be one of _my_ favorites, too!" Still giggling, she hurried back to the carriage to find one of her bags for packing it away. Kelvin watched this scene with amusement.

"You'd think this was the best thing that's ever happened to her," he said.

"Isn't it?" said Violetta.

"Absolutely," he said. "Blows our wedding and the children's births out of the sky." He offered more farewells to them before returning to his own departure preparations.

Daphne had already brought Edward and Silas into the carriage and was securing them for their brief trip into town. Kelvin resumed taking inventory of their luggage. Mara looked to the Jäger for Isabel, who had apparently gone to the carriage as ordered. She took a deep breath, then made herself walk to them. She was fine until they noticed her approach, stopped their conversation, and grinned at her. She started to remember the bloodthirsty leers of the "wild" Jäger who had demolished her village, but managed to push those memories aside, straighten up, and finish her approach.

"Gentlemen," she said, bowing her head slightly. "I-- We just wanted to say goodbye, and to reiterate how-- how grateful we are to you. All of you. But I will shoulder our debt to you."

 **"Ahh, ve told hyu, Prinzess,"** said Dimo, **"Iz vot ve do. But hyu velcome."**

"You... you must call me Mara," she said. "After all you've done, there's no need for formalities."

 **"Hokeh, sveethot!** " said Oggie. Dimo slapped him on the chest.

"Oh, please, there's no need for violence," she said, smiling nervously. "Um... 'sveethot' it is, den. _Then_. Er, b-before I go, I have a question. If you don't mind. Would any of you have happened... to have been... to Denmark?"

The three traded looks, then moved away to huddle and talk amongst themselves. After half a minute they broke the huddle and returned. **"Denmark?"** said Dimo. **"Yas, ve tink so."**

Mara felt the blood draining from her face. "You have," she said. "D-do you happen to recall how long ago?"

They huddled a few seconds more, then: **"Long time ago, ve tink,"** said Dimo. **"Mebbe a hundred years?"**

"A hundred!" she said, sighing loudly in relief. "A hundred? Oh, oh, yes. I'd forgotten how long-lived you can be. But... not any time earlier than that? _Ten_ years ago, perhaps?"

Maxim shook his head. **"A hundred,"** he said. **"Ten years ago ve vas cavortink in Madrid."** The three chuckled to themselves over the memories of their "cavortink." Mara sighed again.

 **"Vy hyu ask?"** said Oggie.

"Uh... it's not important," she said. "Not anymore. So I should-- take my leave of you now, good sirs."

They overlapped their goodbyes and bowed to her, but not a full kneeling as before. She turned to leave, paused, and faced them again.

"Actually, I should, um--" she said, then leaned in to Maxim and kissed his cheek. He widened his eyes in surprise and grinned to his companions. She did the same for Dimo, but for Oggie, held her kiss just a second or two longer. She whispered, "Thank you for my daughter." As she departed from them for the carriage, the three began arguing over who had had the best kiss, with Oggie in the objective lead.

Kelvin had been watching, and gave her a quick kiss when she returned. She was all smiles as she ducked inside the carriage, until noticing that one of her children was missing.

"Where is Isabel?" she said to Kelvin. They both looked around frantically, until Mara caught sight of her sitting near a wall, talking to someone, but she could not tell whom. They called to her, and fortunately she came running before any others nearby needed to drag her over.

"I'm sorry, Momma!" she said. "Poppa!"

"We told you to come here after talking to the Jãgers!" he said.

"I was safe! I was talking to Cousin Agatha's kitty!" she said.

"That doesn't matter!" said Mara. "And did you even have permission to play with her pets? Oh, never mind. Get inside the carriage. Honestly, all the trouble you're in, and you're still being recalcitrant? Now go to Daphne so she can make sure you're secure." She turned to Kelvin. "How does the luggage look? Do we have everything?"

"Looks like it."

"Do you think we should make another pass inside, just to be sure?"

"Momma, he told me about this time he and Cousin Agatha were in a balloon!"

"We didn't bring _that_ much with us," said Kelvin. "And we had over an hour to pack."

"-And then the balloon crashed!"

"You know me," said Mara. "I always think we've missed _something_."

"If we did, she can post it to us. Come on."

"-And then there was a circus-!"

" **Isabel**!!" said Mara, whirling about. " _Get_ inside the carriage! _Now_! You will _not_ be told this again!"

"I'm sorry, Momma!" she said, and climbed inside with all due haste.

Mara sighed and shook her head. "I-I don't know what to do with her," she said, and began walking away.

"What are you doing?" Kelvin called to her. "You're not really going to look again? We're just going into town! They could _bring_ anything we've missed!"

"Final goodbyes!" she called back. "I need final goodbyes!"

He watched her trot back to Agatha and Violetta and hug them again. Violetta's expression was "perplexed," as expected. Shaking his head, he climbed into the carriage and waited with the rest of the family.

"Where is Momma?" said Isabel.

He spoke in his usual flat tone whenever "final goodbyes" occurred. "Taking care of last-minute business," he said.

"Where's Momma?" said Edward. "I want Momma."

Kelvin was going to give her a minute for babbling, but now two of their three children needed her, so he left the carriage and walked towards her at a normal speed. As he neared, he overheard her inviting Agatha - and then everyone in earshot - to breakfast with them. Then extended that to an invitation to Guildern and Castle Mouseheart as "true guests," meaning royal guests. He linked arms with her and began leading her back to the carriage. She allowed him to do this, but kept talking to their hostess all the way. By the time he was pulling her into the carriage after him, she was inviting Agatha - and possibly all of Mechanicsburg; it was difficult to tell - to celebrate Christmas with them. There was also something about sending Agatha her designs and a new communication device.

Mara was leaning out the window, still talking. Kelvin knocked on the carriage's roof to signal that it was time to depart. Once the carriage began moving, she finally gave up and started calling out goodbyes and blowing kisses.

Agatha, Violetta and the others watched the carriage pull away and fade into the night. Violetta folded her arms.

"Hm," she said. "That's something you look forward to?"

"Christmas?"

"No, all... that?" she said, indicating the chaos that only just now had ceased.

"The Castle has a point," said Agatha. "It made it in an insolent manner, but it's still true. I have a duty to continue the family line, yet I still have no heirs."

"Well, it's not really the Castle's business," said Violetta.

"It is," she said. "In its own convoluted way, it is. But it's not just about duty and responsibility. I really _do_ want children, someday. So yes, I look forward to 'that,' as you put it. It's deciding _whom_ to have them with that's the problem."

"You know that _I'm_ biased," said Violetta.

"That you are." Agatha let herself become lost in thought. Interesting times were ahead of her - and her newfound family - to be sure.

"My Lady," said Violetta.

"Hm?"

"You owe me a buck."

Agatha had already pulled aside the denomination. She nodded, and without another word, handed the money to her assistant and friend.


End file.
